As one is an individual that has their own needs and feelings, there will be moments when they don’t want to do what another person wants them to do or agree with what they say. During such moments, it will be in their best interest to do something else or express a different viewpoint.

If this is what usually takes place, they are going to live a far more fulfilling life than they would otherwise. They won’t have the tendency to abandon themselves and this will have a positive effect on their well-being.

The norm

This could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember. If so, turning their back on themselves to please another person is not going to be something that interests them.

What this will show is that standing their ground and expressing themselves feels comfortable. It is then almost certain that behaving in this way won’t cause them to feel as though their survival is under threat.

Another Reality

But, while this is how some people will experience life, there are others that don’t. When someone doesn’t experience life in this way, what will be normal is for them to do things that they don’t want to do and agree with things that they don’t really agree with.

Turning their back on themselves is then going to be the rule as opposed to the exception. Naturally, this is going to have a negative effect on their well-being and they are unlikely to have a very fulfilling life.

It’s Automatic

If they were to become aware of the fact that they find it hard to stand their ground and express themselves, they could wonder what is going on. It could be as if they are possessed by someone or something as this is likely to be something that just happens.

It is then not that they are consciously choosing to experience life in this way. However, even if it does seem as though they have no control over what is going on, this is unlikely to be the truth.

A Closer Look

One way for them to find out why they behave in this way will be for them to imagine that they are in a situation where they are asked to do something that they don’t want to do. When they imagine making it clear that they don’t want to do something, they could end up experiencing a fair amount of anxiety and even panic.

Due to how they feel, expressing themselves is going to be seen as something that is a threat to their survival. Based on what takes place, then, it is to be expected that they would have the inclination to act like an extension of others.

Going Deeper

If they were to look back on their life, what might soon stand out is that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. Consequently, they could believe that they were simply born this way and that their life will always be the same.

Nonetheless, if they have been this way for a very long time, it doesn’t mean that they were born this way. What took during their developmental years and how they responded to what took place could be the reason why they are this way.

Way Back

Throughout his stage of their life, they may have been deeply wounded by one or both of their parents. So, they might have been physically harmed, verbally put down and neglected.

Doing what one or both of their parents wanted might not have stopped them from being harmed but it might have stopped them from being harmed as much. Ultimately, it would have been essential for them to act like an extension of their parent or parents and not express their own needs.

A Brutal Time

What they went through would have caused them to experience a lot of pain and to handle this pain, they are likely to have disconnected from themselves. Losing touch with their body would have also separated them from their aggression/fight instinct.

Without access to the power and energy that this part of them would provide, they are going to lack oomph. For them to experience life differently, they will need to get back into their body and reconnect to their aggression.

New Foundations

They won’t have developed a felt sense of safety, security, worth or lovability, or know that they deserve to exist. For their life to change, they will need to develop what they were unable to develop very early on.

A big part of what will allow this to take place will be for them to face and work through the pain that is inside them. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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