At times, someone is going to need to stand their ground and not tolerate something. By doing this, they will be paying attention to their own needs and looking after their own well-being in the process.

At other times, they will need to go after what it is that they desire. This will also allow them to fulfil their needs and, thus, to live a life that is fulfilling.

It’s missing

However, although having this ability is a key part of living a life that is worth living, it doesn’t mean that they will effortlessly be able to do this. What can be normal is for them to allow other people to walk over them and deny their own needs.

As a result of this, their true self is generally going to be hidden and they will behave in a way that is not serving them. But, if this is how their life has been for a very long time, it might not stand out.


Still, this is not to say that abandoning themselves won’t have a negative impact on them. They might often feel drained and depressed but this could be put down to them simply suffering from depression, for instance.

Then again, they might typically avoid what is going on inside them, which will cause them to ignore the signs that they are living in a way that is having a negative impact on them. Sooner or later, though, something could happen that will bring them to their knees, so to speak.

Shinning the Light

If this was to happen, they might end up finding out that they find it hard to stand up for themselves and express their needs. At this point, they could wonder why they find it so hard to do this.

What they could do, to start to gain an understanding of why they are this way, is to imagine that they were to say no or to express themselves in another way. During this time, they could end up feeling anxious.

A Big Risk

Taking this into account, it is not a surprise that they have the inclination to act like an extension of others. Naturally, their need to survive is stronger than their need to freely express themselves.

But, as this is something that should feel comfortable, it shows that something is not right. If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, it could show that their early years were not very nurturing.

Back In Time

If they were to think about what their early years were like, they might not be able to remember a great deal. What this is likely to show is that their brain has blocked out most if not all of what took place in order to protect them.

Thanks to this, they will have been able to keep it together and function. What this illustrates is that their brains main priority is to keep them alive, not to make sure that they live a fulfilling life.

A Closer Look

Throughout this stage of their life, they may have had at least one parent that was physically and verbally abusive and neglected them. So, instead of being brought up in an environment where it was safe for them to be themselves, they would have felt unsafe, insecure and unwanted.

Due to this, they would have had to lose touch with themselves and create a disconnected, false self. Living on the surface of themselves would have allowed them to avoid the pain in their body and be more prepared for when they would be harmed.


Living up top would have allowed them to attune to the needs of others, whilst being totally oblivious to their own needs. Yet, as they were powerless and totally dependent, there was absolutely nothing that they could do to change what was going on.

This is why they had to adapt to a dysfunctional environment, setting them to up suffer as an adult. Now that they are an adult, what took place will be over but a big part of them won’t have truly moved on.

The Fall Out

They are likely to carry a lot of pain and arousal, and this will stop them from being both in tune with and freely expressing themselves. Working through this pain and arousal is likely to take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to -

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -