There is the chance that someone could work somewhere that is not very supportive, for instance. As a result of this, they could often feel worthless and even humiliated when they are at work.

Along with this, they could be in a relationship that is not much better, with this also being a time when they will experience the same feelings that they feel at work. There could be other ‘negative’ feelings that they experience, too.

It’s clear

Now, if they were to speak to a friend about what is going on, this person could say that these people are causing them to experience these feelings. This is something that one is likely to agree with.

Therefore, if they were no longer treated in the same way, they simply wouldn’t experience these feelings when they are at work and with their partner. What this will mean is that what is going on ‘out there’ is the problem.

Endless Support

If they were to talk to another friend, family member or even a stranger about what is going on, they are likely to receive the same response. This could show that they live in a society where this point is view is largely seen as the truth.

In this case, human relationships are typically going to be viewed from the victim-perpetrator lens. One person will be a victim and the other will be the perpetrator, or one person will generally be the victim, while the other will generally be the perpetrator.

A Natural Outcome

The other, third part of this dynamic will be the rescuer; someone who is there to save the victim from the perpetrator. Of course, as the victim will be powerless and the perpetrator will have all the power, this will be necessary.

On a bigger scale, this could relate to not just one person but a whole group of people who are there to save one person or a number of people from harm. There are both big and small organisations that exist to fulfil this role.

A New Experience

After receiving this advice from a friend, they could end up leaving their job and ending their relationship. Before long, they could start working somewhere else and embark on a new relationship.

Consequently, they could find that they feel different when they are at work and with their partner. Thanks to this, they could come to the conclusion that this proves that what was going on before caused them to feel a certain way.

The Same Story

But, before long, they may find that they end up experiencing the same feelings that they felt before. Due to what they have recently been through, they could believe that what is going on externally is the cause of why they feel as they do.

After being in this position at least once before, they could end up feeling hopeless and helpless. Ultimately, they won’t want to feel this way and they will want to work somewhere they feel valued and be with someone who values them.

Stepping Back

If this is something that continually happens, it will be a good idea for them to take a step back, reflect and see if they are overlooking something. What they will need to question is the view that what is going on ‘out there’ is solely responsible for how they feel.

As, although their mind might be completely convinced that this is so, there is a strong chance that this is not the complete truth. What they are likely to find is that how they feel when they are at work and around their partner, relates to feelings that are already inside them.


What takes place externally is then going to bring these feelings to the surface. Or to be more precise, what is usually held in their unconscious mind will break through to their conscious mind.

However, by not understanding that they have both a conscious and an unconscious mind and that the former is only a very small part of them, they won’t have been aware of what is going on. Not only this, but the feelings that were held inside their unconscious mind will have also played a part in why they are experiencing life in this way.


What this comes down to is that their feelings are creative and are, thus, actively having an effect on their reality. This is something that one can gain a better understanding of by looking into the law of resonance.

Anyway, the feelings that are unlocked through these experiences will have been kept out of their conscious awareness by their brain in order to allow them to keep it together and function. Due to this, it wouldn’t have been something that they consciously chose to do.

A Build Up

The pain that is held inside this part of them will be a consequence of what they have experienced as an adult, as a child and even what took place whilst they were in their mother’s womb. What this illustrates is even though they won’t be consciously aware of most of this pain; it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.

With this understanding in place, one will have the ability to see when an external trigger has caused repressed pain to enter their conscious awareness and to do something about it. Without it, what is going on ‘out there’ will be seen as the problem and they won’t be able to do anything about it.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to -

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -