When some people think about having a relationship, it is often their priority to find the perfect partner. And this can be someone who has qualities and features that are relatively easy to find and go on to include what could be seen by some as, impossible to find.

It could be that one has a list in their mind and is certain about what kind of person they want to be with. Another option is for one to have a list of things that they are looking for, with this being laid out on a piece of paper and not just a mental list.

This could be done in such a way that one has things that are non negotiable and goes on to include things that are not essential. There will be things that are a priority and other elements that can be overlooked.

A Match

And it is likely that what one wants their partner to have will be what they value and therefore what they also have themselves. Dov Baron says ‘if you want to find the one, you must become the one’.

So it is then vital that whatever one looks for in another is what they already have themselves or are close to having. To expect another to have what one doesn’t have is going to have the potential to cause problems.


If one is looking for someone who is in good physical shape and they are not in the same position, the other person is probably going to experience conflict. It is likely that they would want to be with someone who is in good shape also.

Of course, one could start going to the gym through being with someone who is that way inclined, but it is an example of one looking to receive something they don’t yet have to give.

The Mirror

So based on this, one will need to be what they want to attract. It is often said that the people one attracts into their life is a reflection of who they are. And this includes what is consciously going on for them and what is going on at a deeper level.

What is going on at a conscious level is what one is going to be aware of and what is going on below that will be what they are unaware off. This is why one can be attracted to and attract people who are the complete opposite of what they want.

On The Surface

But when it comes to the modern day society, attention is generally given to what is seen and not to what is unseen. And so if one wants to attract the perfect partner into their life, then it is often said that one needs to simply ‘look’ the part.

From here, everything will simply fall into place. What is going on beyond ones physical appearances is rarely mentioned in the mainstream and so this could end up being ignored. And this is no surprise, because there is a lot of money to be made by getting people to focus solely on their appearances.


The media gives a lot of attention to people in the public eye who look good and have everything else going for them. However, what the media also shows are people who have relationship problems who look perfect.

In these cases, their looks are not making any difference. They are still having the same problems as people who are not classed as ‘attractive’. But even though this is true, people have been conditioned to believe that looks are the be and end all.


And there are all kinds of things that one can do now to improve their appearance. Cosmetic surgery has created the opportunity for one to do so much more and to change what people in the past had to put up with for life.

Then there are: clothes, make up, facial products, hair styles and even tattoos for instance. And one doesn’t need to have surgery to change their appearance; they can also take on an exercise regime.


And let’s not overlook how important looks are, as human beings we like to be around beauty; If makes us feel good and we appreciate it. So looking good is not bad per se and is something that should be encouraged to a certain degree.

But, one just needs to place their attention on the certain celebrities for a short time and even the people in their lives that are attractive to see that looking good is not enough.

A Deeper Look

So plenty of attention is given to what can be seen with one’s eyes and yet very little attention is given to what can’t be seen. And this is a massive oversight, because we don’t just attract people based on how we look, we also attract them based on what is going on within us.

And if one doesn’t feel ‘beautiful within’ then they are likely to attract people who reflect this inner disharmony. One might have become so cut off from what is going on with them, that when other people reflect it back to them it could feel as though they are being victimised.

What is going on within someone will be a combination of their beliefs, thoughts and emotions. These will come together to define who one attracts and is attracted to. And it won’t matter what is going on externally; as these elements will have the biggest say.

An Analogy

There are cakes that look amazing, with how they are decorated and what they are decorated with. But just because a cake looks good on the outside, it doesn’t mean that one is going to enjoy what is on the inside.

The outside will be what makes one eat the cake, but once they have gone through the icing, they will taste what is on the inside. At first they might be looking forward to eating the cake, but shortly after, they could experience a sense of regret.

Looks will make a difference at the beginning of a relationship, but once time has passed, it will be what is going on behind the looks that will appear. And just like the in the example above, no amount of icing will be able to cover up what is inside.


One of the reasons people have relationships is to heal their history and so the more one deals with their past, the better their relationships will be. To deal with that is going internally, one can seek the assistance of a therapist, healer or a coach. Or engage in their own self study and read up on this area to increase their self awareness.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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