One thing a woman may find, when it comes to her relationships, is that she has the tendency to be drawn to men who are not very pleasant. As a result of this, she could struggle to understand what is going on.

Due to the experiences that she has had with a number of different men, she may believe that she is a victim. There are then going to be men out there who want to cause her harm and there is going to be absolutely nothing that she can do about it.

Two Sides

On one side, then, there will be the type of man that she wants to be with, and, on the other, there will be the type of men who she ends up with. It may seem as though she has no control over this area of her life.

She might believe that the only way her life will change is if she gets lucky and is able to meet a man who is different. At the same time, she may find that she has met men who were different but not been attracted to them.


Even though this has taken place, she might not give it much thought, preferring to see herself as a victim. If this takes place, her life will most likely continue to go down the same path.

If, on the other hand, she was to think about this, she may find it hard to understand why this takes place. A man will then treat her with respect, be dependable and consistent, amongst other things, but for some reason, she will have the need to get away from him.

A Strong Pull

What she will find is that a man who doesn’t treat her well will be what has a strong effect on her. This is not to say that she will have positive thoughts running through her mind when she is with a man like this; what it means is that even though her mind will experience resistance, her body will respond differently.

Said another way, her mind can tell her to leave but her body can want her to stay. The inner conflict within her will then make it harder for her to cut her ties with a man like this, causing her to stay in a relationship that is not serving her.

The Experience

A man like this could physically harm her or he might verbally abuse her, which will make it hard for her to feel good about herself. She might not know where she stands with him or if he is going to walk away.

This will then be a relationship that lacks any kind of stability, consistency, love or respect. A relationship like this will cause her to suffer, which could mean that just about every other area of her life could also fall apart.

Something Is Not Right

If a woman like this was to talk her friends, she could end up being told that she just needs to end the relationship. They could even say that this is just what men are like, with this most likely being a sign that their friends are not in a good place either.

Walking away may get her out of a toxic situation, yet unless something changes, she could end up in the same situation before long. The big question is: why does this keep taking place?

Deep Down

In order for her to find out why she has the inclination to end up with men who are abusive and to stay well away from the ones who aren’t, it will be essential for her to find to what is taking place in her unconscious mind. If she was to focus purely on her conscious mind, she is unlikely to find the answers that she needs.

This part of her can say that this is not what she wants and the resistance that she has to being with an abusive man will be seen as the proof. What she is likely to find, if she goes deeper into her being, is that being with an abusive man is what feels safe.

A Different Agenda

During this time, it will be important for her to not get too attached to what her mind comes out with; if this takes place, it will make it harder for her to truly connect with what is taking place at a deeper level. Her mind could struggle to understand why this would be what feels safe, and this will come down to the fact that the mind forgets what is has forgotten – it’s simply a defence mechanism.

The reason why this can be what feels safe can be due to what took place at during her early years. At this stage of her life, her father might not have treated her very well and there wouldn’t have been anything that she could do to protect herself.

Two Stages

Being treated badly by her father would have felt uncomfortable, but as time passed, her mind would have come to associate this behaviour as what was familiar. What is familiar is classed as what is safe to the unconscious mind.

So, as being treated in this way is what feels safe, it will be normal for her to be drawn to a man who will allow her to re-experience what took place all those years ago and to play out the same dramas. These experiences would have no doubt set her up to believe that she was worthless, meaning that she will carry a fair amount of shame.


Another way of looking at this would be to say that her unconscious mind is causing her to recreate her early experiences so that she can heal her pain and evolve. This is something that is called repetition compulsion.

The trouble is that unless she is aware of what is going on, she won’t be able to make use of the information that is being given to her and to gradually transform her life. What can happen is that she will become bitter and end up blaming all men.


If a woman can relate to this, and she wants to transform this area of her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

The kind of man that she is drawn to will gradually change as her inner world changes. This is likely to be a time when she will be working though the trauma that is being held in her body and mind.

Author's Bio: 

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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