It could be said that thanks to social media, how someone looks is even more important than ever before. The average person can feel the need to look their best regardless of if they are in the real world or online.

Fortunately, it can be relatively easy for someone to look their best online, and this is because they can edit their pictures. One can make sure that they have a good profile picture and, when it comes to the rest of their pictures, they can often define what ends up on their profile.

Two Parts

At the same time, it might not be accurate to say that this is all about looking smart, for instance, as there is often a greater focus on the need to be attractive and desirable. What this then means is that someone can feel as though they look right or they can feel as though they don’t.

And even if one is classed as being physically attractive by others, it doesn’t mean that they will have the same outlook. As a result of what they have been told throughout their life and what they say to themselves, they might believe that they are not attractive.

A Random Process

But regardless of what one looks like, it is not going to be as if they have chosen to look as they do. This is then why it can be hard to understand why someone’s value is often defined by what they look like.

If this person had worked hard to look as they do - in the same way that one can work hard to develop a certain skill - then it would be different. Yet even though human beings of all ages are generally drawn to beauty, it is still possible to see how bizarre it is to attribute more value to someone based on how they look.

A Reason

It would be easy to say that this shows how shallow some human beings are, and that they need to get in touch with their heart more as this will allow them to see beyond how someone looks. But if this outlook is put to one side, it can allow one to see that there is a reason why human beings are often so concerned with how someone looks.

What this comes down to is that when a woman is classed as being physically attractive, it is usually due to the fact that she is showing signs of fertility. It is then not that she just ‘looks good’; it is that there is a strong chance that she will be able to produce healthy offspring.

A Different World

And when a man is tall, has broad shoulders, and is physically well built, for instance, it also sends a woman the message that he will be able to look after her and her offspring. Nowadays, due to advances in medicine and as the world is a lot safer than it used to be, it is no longer as important for a woman and a man to have these traits.

Even so, as this was not the case for many, many years, it is not a surprise that these traits are what still press all the right buttons in both men and women. This is not the only reason why one would be drawn to someone who looks good, though.

Two Levels

On top of what is taking place at a more primal level, there is what can take place at an emotional level. How one feels about themselves is going to have a big effect on the kind of people they are drawn to.

When one doesn’t feel good about themselves, it can cause them to end up with people who they are not completely attracted to. They might appreciate their personality, but that will be as far as it will go.

The Other Side

Conversely, one could end up only being drawn to people who are physically attractive, or people who are high up in the world. This is likely to show that they have disconnected from their true feelings and ended up creating a false-self.

Deep down they will feel worthless, and this is then why they need to be around people who will allow them to feel better about themselves. Through identifying with these people, one will be able to feel good about themselves.

A Loss of Boundaries

Therefore, it is not that one is separate form these people; it is that these people are an extension of them. And as one is attached to the people who have value, it is taken to mean that they also have value.

Naturally, if one was to identify in this way to people who are not classed as physically attractive or who are not seen as being successful, this wouldn’t happen. Instead, one would probably have to face how they feel as a deeper level.

A Closer Look

There may have been a point in their adult life when they were shamed in some way, or this may go back to what happened when they were younger. Perhaps this was a time when they were abused.

The love that they needed in order to develop in the right way wouldn’t have been provided, and this would then have caused them to believe that they were worthless. Creating a false-self would not only have been a way for them to feel better about themselves; it would also have been a way for them to survive the pain of being treated so badly.


At this time in their life, it wouldn’t have been as if they had plenty of options to choose from. Time has then passed but they haven’t been able to step back and to do anything about what is taking place within them.

If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand five hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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