There will be times when one is unable to see what is taking place around them and during these moments, it will be important for them to reach out to others. This is not necessarily because the people on the outside have something they don’t; it is because they are not emotionally involved.

When one is on the inside, what they see will be influenced by how they feel and if they were to change positions with the person on the outside, they would soon start to see something else. Just as if the person on the outside was on the inside, they would also see something else.

External Advice

This is why people often ask their friends for advice when it comes to making a big decision in their life. It is not that they want their friend to tell them what they should do; it is that their friend may be able to see things that they don’t.

Perhaps they will be able to see things that they are unable to see at this point in their life. Yet, if they feel the need to please them, they might not share what they see.

A Balanced Perspective

However, when one shares what is taking place with a friend, they will be looking for a balanced perspective. One can then take some time to reflect on what they hear and to decide what they will do.

There is always the chance that one will simply dimness what they hear and end up carrying on with their life. This might end up being the right decision or it could end up having a negative effect on their life.

One Reason

One could be in a position where they think that their partner is having an affair and this could cause them to reach out to someone they trust. In this case, one is looking for someone else to give their feedback on what has been taking place.

It could be that one knows that their partner is having an affair and just wants their friend to validate their experiences. If one doesn’t want their friend to do this, they might want them to tell them that it’s all in their mind and that everything is fine.

The Truth

What this shows is that just because something is happening, it doesn’t mean that one is willing to accept it. One person might be willing to face the truth no matter how painful it is or what it might happen as a result.

But when it comes to another, they might not be willing to face the truth and end up doing everything they can to avoid reality. So even if this person asks a friend for advice, it might end up being dismissed.

Two Sides

This shows that while there is the chance that one doesn’t know that their partner is having an affair, it could also be because they don’t want to know. And while someone might find it hard to believe how another person wouldn’t know if their partner is having an affair, there could be a good reason why they don’t want to now.

It might not be as simple as one facing reality and then taking action; as they may believe that staying in the relationship is less painful than it would be for them to speak up or to leave. One is then going to be compromising themselves, but they might believe that this is something they can handle.


If one doesn’t say anything and just goes along with the relationship, they might lose their dignity, but their life could stay the same. Yet, if they were to speak up, the relationship could come to an end.

This would mean that one wouldn’t lose their dignity or allow their self-esteem to erode, but it will cause them to lose other things. Perhaps one has been with the other person for a while and doesn’t want to lose everything they have built up or they might feel as though they wouldn’t be able to handle a breakup.


It is then going to be important for them to disconnect from reality and from their real feelings, and to maintain the illusion that they have created in their mind. There is then what is taking place in their body and what is taking place in their mind.

One is then no longer facing reality for what it is; they are living in a fantasy world. But while the relationship may have been real at one point in time, there is also the chance that it wasn’t.

Just an Image

This means that it wasn’t a relationship based on real intimacy; it was simply based on two people who wanted to look right in the eyes of others. Perhaps they look good together and this enables one to get the responses they want from friends, family, colleagues and ‘strangers’. What this could mean is that each person has a fear of intimacy and that they are carrying toxic shame.

Or it might be that it isn’t an adult to adult relationship; with one person seeing the other as a parental figure who is going to look after them. Their body is then involved, but their heart and mind has remained detached. It is not that they ‘love’ the other person; it is that they believe they need them in order to survive.


What this shows is that if one was to face reality, it could cause them to experience a lot of pain. And in order for one to face this pain, they might need to seek the assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a close friend.

It can all depend on if one believes that they can handle life without the other person and if their life can get better. There will be loss no matter what one does, but the sooner one speaks up, the sooner they will be able to move forward.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

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