On one hand, there are men who say that all women are the same, and, on the other hand, there are women who say that all men are the same. And, thanks to the platforms that are available online, both men and women can express their views about the opposite sex.

Not only this, they can come into contact with plenty of other people who also have the same outlook. Due to this, their views will end up being validated, providing them with a greater sense of conviction.

One Side

If a man in this position was to describe women, he could say that they are highly emotional, lack self-control, are selfish and cold, for instance. Along with this, not only will the women that he has been with be the same but his friends might have also been with women like this.

This is then going to be seen as proof that all women are the same, and, if he hears about a woman who is different, he could say that this is just an act. Therefore, sooner or later, she will end up changing.

The other Side

If a woman in this position was to describe men, she could say that they are emotionally shut down, need mothering, are controlling and are unfaithful, for instance. Additionally, not only will the men that she has been with be the same but her friends might have also been with men like this.

Once again, this will be seen as proof that all men are the same, and, if she hears about a man who is different, she could say that this is just an act. Thus, before long, his true colours will shine through.


Now, regardless of whether it is a man or a woman who has put all of the opposite sex into the same box, it could be said that if this is their experience and the experience that the people in their life have, it must be the truth. If, then, they hadn’t had these experiences and neither had the people in their life, there would be no reason for them to be this way.

However, although this is how their life will be, it doesn’t mean that they are passive observers of what is taking place. In all likelihood, what is taking place inside them is having an effect on why they are experiencing life in his way.


If someone in this position was to hear this, they could say that this is not possible as they don’t want to meet men/women who are like this. In fact, they could say that they would be happy to meet a man/woman who is different.

While this may be the case, what they will need to think about is that they don’t just begin and end with their conscious mind; they also have an unconscious mind. The latter has a far greater impact on their life than the former.

A Closer Look

With this in mind, if they continually end up with men/women who are the same, it will be a good idea for them to explore what is taking place in their unconscious mind. One way for them to do this is for them to imagine that they were to meet a man/woman who is different.

This is then someone who is emotionally together, present, loving and aware, for example. At first, this could be something that feels comfortable but, after a while, it might soon feel uncomfortable.

Going Deeper

What this might illustrate is that they don’t feel worthy and deserving of being with a man/woman who is like this. What could also enter their conscious awareness is that they don’t feel lovable.

If this is the case, by having the view that all men/women are the same, they will have been able to avoid how they really feel about themselves. Naturally, this viewpoint will protect their view of themselves and stop them from feeling low.


Yet, facing up to how they really feel about themselves will undermine the view of themselves that allows them to avoid their true feelings. Also, it will cause them to feel very low.

The trouble is that although this viewpoint will have protected them, it will also have prevented them from being able to meet a man/woman who is right for them. This is not to say that they consciously chose to be this way as losing touch with their true feelings and being disconnected from themselves is likely to have been something that automatically took place many years ago.

Back In Time

What this may show is that their early years were a time when they were deprived of the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. This may have been a time when they were physically harmed, verbally put down and/or neglected.

Either way, how they were treated would have been personalised as they were egocentric, with them coming to believe that they were worthless and unlovable. To handle the pain they were in, they would have lost touch with themselves and created a disconnected false self.

A Mirror

But, although they won’t have been in touch with how they really feel, the experiences that they have had with men/women will have reflected back what is going on for them at a deeper level. For them to change this area of their life, they will probably need to work through the pain that they experienced all those years ago.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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