Relationships: Can It Be Hard For Someone To Bond With Others If They Were Abused As A Child?

As someone is an interdependent human being, it means that they are not their own island. As a result of this, they are not on this earth to do everything by themselves and to always be in their company.

Likewise, they are also not here to look towards others to do everything for them and to always be in the company of others. What this comes down to is that as they are an individual, there will be moments when they come together with another or others and moments when they have to go it alone.

The ideal

If they are in balance, then, they will have a close connection with themselves and they will have a close connection with a number of other people. Moreover, they will feel capable of doing things by themselves and reaching out to the people in their life for support.

Around these people, they will be able to be real and open up about what is going on for them. Naturally, having these close connections with these people will deeply enrich their life.

A process

Still, this is not to say that they just woke up one day and happened to have these close connections. No, getting to this stage is likely to have taken many, many months, if not years.

By being understanding and supportive towards the people in their life and these people being the same towards them, they will both have gradually come to trust and appreciate each other. They will know that they can share what is going on for them without having to worry about the other person using it against them.

Emotional Support

Thanks to this support, they won’t have to carry everything by themselves and this will make it easier of them to handle different challenges. Having another person to share what is going on for them with, without them needing to do anything, will be a massive help.

As the saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved. Therefore, the interactions that they have with the people in their life who they can trust will allow them to refuel and strengthen them.

Another Reality

However, although this is the ideal, it is not something that everyone will be able to relate to. When someone is not in this position, it can be normal for them to spend a lot of time by themselves and try to do just about everything by themselves.

They are then going to be an interdependent human being but they will act as though they are an independent human being. Undoubtedly, their life is going to be far harder than it would be otherwise.

Surface level connections

Now, this doesn’t mean that they won’t have anyone in their life; what it means is that even if they do, they won’t be close to them. These people can be more like associates and there won’t be much depth involved.
A friend like this is then not going to know what is really going on for them and, thus, it won’t be possible for them to truly be there for them either. But, while this could be what this area of their life is like, it might not be something that stands out.

A Strange Scenario

If so, this can show that they are not aware of their need to have close connections with others. Their need to deeply connect with others is then going to be outside of their conscious awareness.

But, this doesn’t mean that there won’t be moments when they feel lonely and crave a deeper connection with others. Yet, if they do feel this way, they could soon do something to push how they feel out of their conscious awareness.

What’s going on?

If they were to get to the point where they have had enough of living in this way and want their life to change, they could wonder what is going on. They could think that it is strange that a big part of them doesn’t have a strong need to form close connections with others.

What could also stand out is that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. Based on what is going on for them, it could show that their early years were not very nurturing.

Back In Time

This may have been a time when one or both of their parents harmed them in a variety of different ways. They might have been physically harmed, verbally put down and left, for instance.

A stage of their life, when they needed to be loved, protected and supported, was then a time when they missed out on what they needed to grow and develop in the right way. They wouldn’t have felt safe enough to be in their body and let go and they wouldn’t have been able to trust their parent or parents.

The Outcome

How they saw their parent or parents would have ended up defining how they would see everyone else; the particular would then have become the general. This is an association that their underdeveloped brain would have made to protect them.

The truth is that how one or both of their parents behaved, and perhaps others, is not a reflection of what everyone is like. For them to realise this at the core of their being, though, and to slowly develop the ability to trust the right people, they are likely to have beliefs to question and pain to work through.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.