Nowadays, there is less pressure on people to have a traditional relationship and even to get married. Thanks to this, people have far more freedom to express themselves and experience something that is actually right for them.

So, for a while now, casual encounters have been an option, and, more recently, there is the option to have an open relationship. Both of these options are also offered on different dating apps, making it easier for someone to find exactly what they are looking for.

The Difference

When it comes to casual encounters, this will relate to someone primarily sharing their body with another. However, when it comes to an open relationship, this will relate to them being in a relationship and primarily sharing their body with others.

In this type of set up, then, both they and their partner will be able to share sexual experiences with other people. Thus, it is not that one person is allowed to do this but the other isn’t.

The Reason

In addition to the greater sexual variety that they and their partner will experience, they will be able to experience different energies, too. Naturally, there will need to be a certain level of trust, a good level of communication and clear boundaries.

Without this, of course, what is done to enhance their own life and their relationship could end up having the opposite outcome. Taking a step back, this emphasises how important it is for them to be clear and the very beginning and to make sure that another person is fully on board with this type of set up.

A Few Hurdles

Yet, even if they were to be clear about what they wanted from the beginning and another person was on board with this, it doesn’t necessarily mean that everything would end up being fine. So, as time passes and as their partner gets attached to them, they might not want an open relationship, or as they themselves get attached to their partner, they could change their mind.

Alternatively, their partner could still be on board with this and then, after this has taken place, they could change their mind, or vice versa. This shows that although something can sound good, when it is experienced and emotions are involved, it can be the complete opposite.

Two Parts

When someone desires and even has this type of relationship, it could be said that they are simply not made to be in a monogamous relationship. This is then something that is black and white and there is nothing more to it.

This could be the case; then again, there could be far more to it. What this may show is that they are not very integrated.

Going Deeper

Assuming that this is so, it can mean that they have had the tendency to end up in a relationship where only one or two parts of them are on board. They can like and value the person that they are with but not be sexually attracted to them.

Therefore, having an open relationship will allow them to take care of their need to be with someone who they feel comfortable around and value and to care of their sexual needs. If, then, they were more integrated and were able to meet someone who they were sexually attracted to, loved and perhaps had a mental connection with, they might not have this need.

Another Part

If the above is true, what can also play a part in why they haven’t been able to find someone who ticks all of their boxes, so to speak, is because they fear getting emotionally close to another. Being with someone who they are not sexually attracted to is then going to be frustrating, but, deep down, this can be what feels comfortable.

If they were to meet someone who was different, they could end up feeling smothered and trapped. Additionally, a big part of them might not even believe that it is possible for them to meet someone like this or that they even deserve to.

One More

As they are not in tune with these different parts of themselves, it is likely to show that they are emotionally shut down. Consequently, this will have an effect on their ability to love and be loved.

This will prevent them from being able to form a strong emotional attachment to another person. At this point, it could seem strange as to why someone would be this way.

A Deeper Look

What this is likely to illustrate is that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when they were unable to connect to and develop a strong attachment to their mother.

As a result, they would have been deprived of the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way and been deeply wounded in the process. To handle what was going on, as they were unable to change their mother or to find another mother, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their developmental needs and they would have gone into a shut down state.

The outcome

If they were connected to themselves and integrated when they were born, they would soon become disconnected from themselves and divided. And, as they would have received misattuned care, to one degree or another, closeness would have been seen as something that would cause them to be smothered and trapped, while separation would have been seen as something that would cause them to be abandoned.

Disconnecting from their body and not having a strong connection with their feelings would have blocked their ability to receive and give love. This stage of their life will be over but, due to the impact that it had on them, they won’t have truly moved on.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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