As an adult, someone can see the opposite sex as being one way, or they can see them as being another way. A very black and white way of looking at this would be to say that they can see them in a positive light or they can see them in a negative light.

However, regardless of what view they have, there is the chance that they won’t merely see this as just a view that they have. As far as they are concerned, the view that they have can be seen as a reflection of what they are actually like.

Just an Observer

Therefore, even if there are areas of their life where they do believe that they have an effect on how they experience something; this won’t be one of them. In the same way that they will just look at the colour of a car, for instance, they will just be on the receiving end of positive or negative behaviour.

Still, if they ever experience behaviour, or hear anything that goes against their usual experience, it might not have much of an impact on them. It might not stand out or it could soon leave their mind.

Not a Problem

Now, if one has a positive view of the opposite sex, it might not matter if they believe that they are not playing a part in the kind of experiences that they have with them. They will come into contact with them and they will generally have a good experience, meaning that this area of their life won’t be an issue for them.

If ever they do come across a member of the opposite sex who is not very pleasant, they could just say to themselves that there are always exceptions. They may believe that this person has just had a bad day or is going through a tough time.

A Problem

On the other hand, if one doesn’t have a positive view of them, believing that they are not paying a part in the kind of experiences that they have with them is likely to be something that does matter. The reason for this that they will generally come into contact with the members of the opposite sex that are not pleasant, meaning that this area of their life will be an issue for them.

If ever they come across a member of the opposite sex who is pleasant, they could say to themselves that this is just an act. This person could be seen as someone who has an ulterior motive, for instance.

A Challenging Area

Even if this person isn’t attracted to the opposite sex, they are still likely to come into contact with them in their day-to-day life and when they are at work. During their time at work, they could have a lot of trouble with them.

And if they are attracted to the opposite sex, they may have had a number of abusive relationships. They may have got to the point where they no longer want to get that close to them again.

External Support

Most of the people that they spend time with could also have the same view of the opposite sex. What this can do is add even more weight to the view that they are playing no part in the experience that they have.

It might stop there, though, as they could often overhear other people say the same things about the opposite sex. Along with this, there will be plenty of people online that have the same experiences as they do.

Going Deeper

Nonetheless, what if one is not simply an observer when it comes to this area of their life and is actually playing a part in the experiences that they have with the opposite sex? Thus, irrespective of what they experience, what they overhear and the information that they come across, they will be playing a part.

What can’t be overlooked here is that they will be the common denominator, while the other members of the opposite sex will come and go. The question is: why would one see themselves as just an observer if they are actually playing a part?

The Big Illusion

If someone has identified with their mind and is unable to take a step back and to observe themselves, they won’t be able to see how their inner world is influencing their outer world. They will be caught up in what their eyes and ears tell them, which will stop them from realising that their mind is in control of what they see and hear.

Consequently, one won’t be able to see that they are victimising themselves; it will be that other people are victimising them. When it comes to what they experience in the external world, their beliefs are going to play a big part.

Way Back

As for the beliefs that are most likely defining the experiences that they have with the opposite sex, these may have been formed when they were very small. This may have been a time in their life when a caregiver abused them in some way, with this caregiver being a member of the opposite sex.

How this person treated them would then have ended up defining how they would go on to see all members of the opposite sex. At this stage of their life, their thinking brain might not have been online, preventing them from being able to see that this person didn’t represent every member of the opposite sex.


The years would have passed and what they came to believe at one point in time would have ended up being what is seen as the absolute truth at another. Due to how young they were when all this happened, there is the chance that their conscious mind doesn’t even remember what took place.

Still, what they will be aware of is the effect that these beliefs are having on their life. The downside is that what they experience won’t be seen as coming from what they believe; it will just be seen as how life is.


If one can relate to this, and they are ready to face their inner wounds, they may need to reach out for external support. The assistance of a therapist or a healer will allow them to go where they probably wouldn’t go by themselves.

In addition to the beliefs that they will need to bring to the light and question, they may also be carrying a lot of trauma that needs to be resolved.

Author's Bio: 

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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