When someone has met another person who they are attracted to and is getting to know them, they can have only good things to say about them. Not only this, but they can want to spend a lot of time with them.

If they take the next step and end up in a relationship with them, they can end up having a more balanced view of the other person. They can see that they are made up of many different sides, with there being some sides that they like more than others.

A Natural Consequence

Yet, as they have taken the next step, it is likely to show that this person is primarily made up of sides that they are drawn to. And, unless they have moved in together, they might have settled into more of a routine and not see each other as often.

Or, they could end up getting together less but they could spend longer together when they do meet up. As the days, weeks and months pass, they are likely to be introduced to other sides that their partner has.

Navigating New Terrain

When this happens, it could be a time when they will face what is going on head-on and grow closer to their partner. Additionally, they could also be aware of the fact that not only didn’t they randomly end up with this person but that how they are behaving is also not random.

What this comes down to is that they will realise that the person they are with is a reflection of what is taking place for them at a conscious and an unconscious level. By having this understanding, how this person is behaving will allow them to become more integrated and whole.

The Mirror

They are then likely to understand that a relationship is a vehicle that will aid in their own evolution. Along with having someone to spend time with, make love with and perhaps have a child or children with, there will be other reasons why they have pulled this person into their life.

Being with them will allow them to become aware of disowned parts of themselves that they probably wouldn’t become aware of if they were single. This is not to say that a friendship, for example, can’t play a role in their evolution but that this type of relationship won’t require the same level of closeness.

Another Reality

However, if someone is not aware of the fact that they live in a mirror, once they move passed the so-called ‘honeymoon period’ and their relationship starts to change, they could soon come to the conclusion that their partner is the problem. It could then be as though they are with someone who wants to undermine them and is their enemy.

They could believe that their partner has simply changed and is no longer the person they were before. If they were to stay with them, they could battle each other for weeks, months or even years.

Another Outcome

Conversely, they could soon end up cutting their ties with them and it might not be long until they find someone else who is very similar to their ex. There is also a chance that they have been with a number of people who were more or less the same.

The signs are then going to be there, but, as they are not aware of what is going on, they won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak. What can play a part in them not ‘waking up’ is if they live in a society that says, both directly and indirectly, that they randomly end up with people and are either lucky or unlucky in love.

A Closer Look

Now, if for whatever reason, they were to stay with their partner and took a step back and reflected on what is going on, they could find that there are a number of things that are irritating them. For example, their partner could have anger issues, often be sad, be overly sensitive, and/or be controlling.

Assuming that this is the case, they could say to themselves that they are nothing like them. Thus, they might rarely get angry, typically be positive, not be overly sensitive and/or be fairly easygoing.

Hidden Darkness

Nevertheless, although they might not be anything like their partner on the surface, and their friends could say the same thing, if they were to be with themselves, they could soon find that their partner is expressing what they have repressed. So, as they don’t have a healthy relationship with their anger, lost touch with their negativity, rejected their sensitivity and/or renounced their need to have a healthy sense of control, they have been drawn to someone who has perhaps gone to the other extreme.


At this point, they could wonder why they were not able to see this before; they could believe that they were in denial. What they will need to keep in mind is that they didn’t consciously choose to be this way; they were simply not aware of what was going on.

Their brain will have blocked out what was really going on for them, to allow them to keep it together and function. This is why, at a conscious level; they couldn’t see how their partner’s behaviour had anything to do with what was going on for them.

A Key Point

What this illustrates is that they don’t begin with and with their conscious mind. Along with their conscious sense of themselves is another part of them that is incredibly vast.

Keeping what is held in this part of them outside of their conscious awareness will protect them; the downside is that it will also cause them to be enslaved by their own ‘shadow’. By knowing that the world is their mirror and dealing with what shows up, along with becoming more integrated, they will be able to see how powerful they are.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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