Reflective Questions- a Constructive way of Delivering Feedback

On the last day of our schools and colleges, all of us are so curious to get our slam book filled by our closest friends. In which they mentioned/expressed their points/feelings about us. In that slam book whatever is written we used to cherish it throughout our lives whenever we read that.

Today we all are living in the world of algorithms, #tags, followers which are the new human connections. In these human connections, people are trapped in likes and dislikes kind of expressions. On social media, we all are accepting these expressions so easily.

But at professional life, when we referred these expressions as feedback, most of the time there is a kind of tension instead of curiosity. The word „feedback‟ itself is actually a key for future development.

Feedback is about sharing what we think of people about their performance doesn‟t help them succeed and excel, but instead telling people how we think they should develop actually hinders learning.

Why, then, is it so challenging? Opposite to this, the one who is at receiver side usually complaints that they don‟t get the feedback which they can incorporate.

“Many reasons are there for this mismatch:

Strong emotions on both sides
a focus on character rather than on behavior, and

a lack of clarity about what needs to change and
why are just a few of the factors that can weaken a feedback session

-Write Mark D. Cannon and Robert Witherspoon in an Academy of Management Executive article. What can a manager do to improve feedback?”

Feedback is a pure improvement tool and there are three theories which the business world commonly accepts:

1.Theory of the source of truth

Other people are more aware than we are of our weaknesses, and that the best way to help ourselves, therefore, is for them to show us what we cannot see for ourselves.

2.Theory of learning

We lack certain skills which we need to acquire, so our colleagues should teach those skills to us.

3.Theory of excellence

Great performance is universal, analyzable, and describable, and that once set, it can be transferred from one to another person, regardless of to whom we are transferring. (Who that individual is?)

Give feedback frequently

Feedback mechanism is effective when it‟s a persistent method rather than a prescribed document regularly in a year. Generally annual performance appraisal is a process for getting the feedback on work done but most of the time it is an unpleasant event forthe employee that too with negative feedback. Employer/Manager is anxious, therefore the employee. Sharing continuous feedback is very important:

Practice giving feedback frequently;
Make it a routine.

Admire good work.

If you observed that it is a negative feedback then directly discuss with that person within 24 hour

The objective to give feedback by describing:

Specific behavior. Be detailed about what the individual has done, by reviewing his/her intention. Avoid judgmental remarks like “You always. . .” /“You never. . .”

The impact of that behavior. Acknowledge the person about how his/her behaviour is actually impacting the working environment.

What you expect from that person to do extraordinary: That person to whom you wanted to give feedback can‟t read employer‟s/manager‟s mind. Be open about what needs to change.

Ask questions which will be thought provoking

To make such discussion a learning experience for employer/manager and employee, make it a habit of asking questions:

o How do you interpret the scenario?

o Which are the other alternatives that you would like to do next time? o In your opinion, which alternative may give great results?

Such discussions create an encouraging ambience in which the employee will explore more approaches and might turn out as better outcomes.

Employees and employers agree that continuous coaching is necessary, especially in the new work environment, according to the results of a recent Reflektive survey.

We are familiar with the colleagues who all the time chit-chat. In this situation we usually prefer to give an indirect feedback. For example we may request such person (Ms. Swara for example) can we discuss after the working hours, we may portray false scenario of deadlines, we may share that your immediate boss does not like about our hourly discussions in our cubicals, etc. So such indirect feedback and by giving such reasons we are actually taking care of that person‟s feelings but at the same time due to indirect feedback is that the recipient may never understand the problem and carry the same behaviour.

So, how to share feedback?

 Be Direct
Direct feedback doesn‟t mean that you deliberately trying to hurt the recipient‟s feelings.

Here direct means sharing the truth with that person in such a way that they will realize recognize the necessity about the change in their behavior. In above example, direct feedback may be like this: “Hi Swara. Listen, I know you like talking about

______(gossiping topic here). I do too. However, when you come by my cube daily and do this, my supervisor notices us talking about it and it gives him the impression I am not working or that I don‟t have enough work to do. I want to maintain a good reputation at work Jane. So, I will not be able to continue these daily discussions during the work day. Thank you for understanding.”

 Don’t drag other people into the feedback which you wanted to convey

If you wanted to convey the feedback mentioned above to Swara, it may not be recommended to communicate like “Swara, other people in the office have noticed you chat too much at the cubicles.” This looks like that you are giving direct feedback but it is not. This will provoke Swara‟s mind to find out to who are these “other people in the office”. So, here she‟s actually not getting the right feedback which is intended. She‟s concerned about who are gossiping about her. Such information creates unhealthy working environment. If you are giving other‟s reference into your feedback conversation then ready to share their identity as well.

 Use Your own Voice/ Don’t Hide Behind any indirect communication channel

If you‟re giving the feedback for the first time, then make sure it should be a verbal feedback. Because as we saw in Swara‟ example, if you send an e-mail, it may not have the impact which is expected. Swara will be amazed and may not able to interpret the tone of the e-mail by reading it. Swara may have questions in her mind that may lead to more e-mails exchanges. By avoiding direct feedback approaches with that person, we are creating misunderstanding and encouraging the misinterpretation.

The takeaway is that giving direct feedback on someone‟s behavior is quite painful. It‟s painful for receiver as well. However, we usually beat around the bush and try to stay away from the person and expect the behavior stops or will get improved; by email or using indirect tactics we are actually not helping each other. The best way is to be open, professional, and empathetic.

Giving a feedback is an art, which requires certain skills and one could be master in such skills if you get valuable feedback to enhance your skills. This turns to be a cyclic process too. So build up feedback on how you give feedback as well which will be beneficial to you (as manager/employer/leader), to your employees/colleagues and to the business.