We tend to give our partners more than second chances—even when they have betrayed, disappointed or hurt us physically or emotionally.

It’s as though we’ll do almost anything to defend against rocking the boat, and being alone or wrong about our love choices.

In this brief article I can’t possibly suggest the perfect solution for you.  But I can start you thinking by offering you “The Second Chance Quiz”.  The title does not literally mean that you are giving your partner a second chance.  More than likely this chance is the fifth or twenty-fifth.

Yet, something has happened in your relationship that makes you feel that the waterline of unhappiness is just under your nose.  Your thoughts swirl with questions:

Should I give my partner this one last chance—or not?

Each item in the quiz is based on a true story from my research with thousands of couples, whose identifying information I’ve changed. Choose the answer or answers that you think are the best ones. Read carefully to see if you can activate your intuitive inner voice.

The Second Chance Quiz

1. Saundra, age 29, moved into the home of her divorced boyfriend, Richard, age 51, after two months of dating.

For eight months Saundra’s put up with the yelling, broken vases, and slammed doors during their arguments about Saundra’s gaining weight, spending money, and not reaching out more to his teenagers from his first marriage. Yet, after their disagreements, he always takes her away to a luxurious resort where they have great sex. Saundra grew up poor, and when she met Richard she was living paycheck to paycheck in a go-nowhere job. Her friends give her mixed messages about whether to stay or leave.

What should Saundra do?

A. Stay with him. What a catch!

B. Have a baby with him to “seal the deal” financially first before leaving.

C. Move in with your friends until you can find a job and a place to live.

D. Talk to Richard about her feelings and behavior.

Answer:

If your intuition has kicked in, you sensed a high level of mutual desperation that cannot be calmed. You are wondering:

Who is doing the slamming and smashing of vases?
Whose money is Saundra spending?
What is each person getting out of this arrangement?

This scenario is not uncommon. In my research, women’s number one choice of partner is a man with “edge” who brings a level of excitement and wealth.  Divorced, rich men often seek sexy trophy wives.

Many women would fight the urge to choose choices A and B. After all, Saundra is approaching 30.  Choices C and D could be good choices. C may be the better choice if personal growth is Saundra’s goal.  And if you were in this poor girl/rich man situation, I would hope you would find a way to take charge of your life independently and chose C.

Want to know what happened?

Richard and Saundra married.  And they lived unhappily married forever.

2. Rhonda has endured Tim’s moods for over a year.

They live together. He pushed her twice—not hard—and she rationalized that he was upset because he lost a great job due to down-sizing. Before he lost his job, they were both happy together. He finally found a really good job, and he has apologizedfor his past behaviorRhonda has found a better job too, and she is thinking of leaving.

What should Rhonda do?

A. Develop a safety plan first before leaving.  If a guy shoves you once, he will probably hurt you more when you walk out that door.

B. Stay.

C. Send him a text after she’s left for good for a new, undisclosed place and job.

D. Get counseling together.

Answer:

It’s always good to seek help in putting together a safety plan if you decide to leave a man who has shown signs of violence. So, choice A could be good.  And so could choice C. It is not a good idea for women to broadcast their plans or threaten leaving. Think of television shows such as “Dateline” where men get violent when the woman leaves. If you selected either or both B and D, your intuition is great.  After all, they were happy before the job crisis—which is always a major stress factor.  Rhonda and Tim chose B and D and are happy and healthy.

3. Sharon fell in love with Mark the second week of college.

She loved his sweetness. After college Sharon got a great job with a major company who paid for her master degree and then promoted her. Mark hasn’t found himself, and after four years together, he is still working at marginal jobs and trying to write a really great novel. Now Sharon met someone else. She has not started dating him, but she senses he is a good match.

What should Sharon do?

A. Talk to Mark about finding himself.

B. It’s hard to find a sweet guy these days.  Give him a chance to realize his dreams.

C. Date the new guy on the sly until she knows for sure if he is The One.

D. Break up.  She knows that she has outgrown Mark.

Answer:

It’s very difficult to leave a nice person. Women tend to feel “judgmental” if they leave a nice person whose only seeming shortcoming is not living up to the women’s expectations.  We are accustomed to watching movies about people who pursue their dreams at all costs. But do you have to suffer the artist’s life style? What does your intuition tell you?

Choice A will most likely not work.  Choice B is tempting, but you will most likely stunt your own personal growth over time. Choice C is one of the more common choices.  But don’t do it. Your guilt will confuse you and diminish your sense of self-worth.

Sharon is at a juncture point in her life where she is transitioning to a new life phase. But Mark is not.  Is she a mean person if she thinks that Mark could pursue his dream in a different way? The best choice is D. Sharon broke up with Mark, and she dated the new man for a year and a half before they became engaged. They have now been married for four years.

I wish you bravery and the best you!

To receive a gift and become part of my next book about activating your intuition, please go to my website which you can find in my bio below and click Contact in the upper right. Fill out completely the sign up form and be sure to write the word ANGEL in the message box. Thank you!

Author's Bio: 

Dr. LeslieBeth (LB) Wish is a nationally recognized psychologist and licensed clinical social worker #7132, honored for her pioneering work with women’s issues in love, life, work and family. The National Association of Social Workers has named her as One of the Fifty who has contributed to the field. She is the subject of biographical entry in many Marquis’ Who’s Who publications. Her latest self-help, research-based books are Smart Relationships and The Love Adventures of Almost Smart Cookie, the cartoon companion book where you can follow a year of Cookie’s love missteps and learn about yours! Discover more and check out her books by signing up on her website www.lovevictory.com