Power Up Your Endorphins and Enhance Your Relationships With Compliments

“There is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” William James I’ve always been told that the key to keeping your spirits up and getting the most out of life come from having a positive attitude, an optimistic outlook. One of my favorite inspirational leaders Earl Nightingale, who I started listening to years ago, calls attitude, “the magic word.” But how do you keep your spirits up and your joy humming when you’re up to your elbows in thinking about what’s not working, or being mired in boredom or repetition — same ol’ work waiting on your desk, same ol’ trip to reading hour at the library with your little ones, or same ol’ distracted conversation with your partner over dinner. How do you flip the switch? How do you get to that outlook that both amps up your spirits when they’re sagging or even ramps up the joy in the good times? In my book,The Compliment Quotient, I outline how the simple habit of giving compliments combines and activates the power of being present, taking action, being generous, looking at the good and so much more. Simply put, compliments are a highly effective addition to your self-care practices that deliver benefits to both you and your relationships. ONE — Yourself Perk up your spirits by singing your own praises. If you feel underappreciated by those around you, you don’t have to wait for others to recognize you or complain that no one else does. One easy and effective way to show your gratitude and enjoyment of your talents, your achievements, your life, even your body, is to give yourself a compliment: “Girl, you cooked an excellent meal, in no time!” “I am beautiful inside and out.” “Of course I can finish this job. I’m patient, determined and talented.” Decide to rock your own mojo with a compliment, in recognition of your unique you-ness, to inspire you to take another step toward your goals, and most simply, to enjoy your way through your day. TWO – Others Share a compliment with an acquaintance, a friend or loved one for a joyful jolt of energy. This energy boost is even proven by scientific study. The psychoneuroimmunology field has confirmed the endorphin-release that comes about from the physical changes of turning up the edges of our mouth and crinkling our cheeks and eyes— or what we know as a smile. The vibrational exchange with your compliment jump-starts your nerve endings, like that smile or a bit of good humor, which releases the feel-good chemical, serotonin. Your compliment is often given with a smile, receives a return smile and then you smile back again. So, when you give a compliment you both get a non-pharmaceutical boost of spirits! Three tips to use more compliments to increase your positive feelings: 1. Begin to add or expand recognition and praise as a go-to, reliable way to shed the malaise of a full-size negative situation—or those smaller icks from a lost report on the computer to a bad hair day. 2. Even after just a dull routine of a day, look around for something to compliment in someone else which will translate to an increase in your joy meter. 3. Share your smile with your compliment to another and boost both of your serotonin levels. The overlooked compliment has the ability to profoundly change your energy level and your demeanor, even around a cranky co-worker or grumpy kid: because you are giving without expecting anything back -- a very high-level of generosity that generates enormous feelings of pleasure and goodwill.