Shere Hite explained back in the 1970’s how the women in her surveys reached orgasm during sex with a partner. She compared women’s success with orgasm during masturbation to their experience of intercourse and concluded that it was the lack of clitoral stimulation that explained the difference.

Women’s sexual arousal and orgasm is not automatic and so women have to learn how to orgasm.

“To have an orgasm during intercourse, there are two ways a woman can increase her chances always remembering that she is adapting her body to less than adequate stimulation.

(1) First and most important, she must consciously try to apply her masturbation techniques to intercourse, or experiment to find out what else may work for her to get clitoral stimulation; or,

(2) she can work out a sexual relationship with a particular man who can meet her individual needs.” (p51 The Hite Reports 1993)

The only women Shere Hite categorised as able to reach orgasm from intercourse alone were those who did not manually stimulate the clitoris during sex. In attempting to understand how these women were successful with intercourse, she concluded that they usually took steps to ensure that they maximised the effects of indirect clitoral stimulation (from the action of the penis thrusting in the vagina) by finding suitable positions and techniques for sexual intercourse.

Finding an effective position for intercourse can take years

Liz, an attractive professional woman in her late forties, was confident in offering me advice. She told me to get a copy of Alex Comfort’s book ‘Joy of Sex’ and that “everything else would follow”. She and her partner had found a position for intercourse that made it possible for her to reach orgasm. They had evolved their use of this position over a number of years not by explicit discussion but through trial and error. Liz confirmed that she used sexual fantasies during sex for sexual arousal and orgasm.

Of the women I talked to, those who told me they experienced orgasms during sex were often dismissive of female masturbation. Without the experience of orgasm from masturbation, a woman is more accepting of sex without orgasm. If over time, she does eventually find a way to make intercourse orgasmic then she only stands to be pleasantly surprised. Since these women have no other sexual outlet, if they are ever to enjoy indulging their sexual instincts it has to be during sex with a partner.

“Twenty-five to 30 percent of women climax without additional clitoral stimulation. Experts believe these women may have a larger clitoris than usual so it’s more easily ‘rubbed’ by a thrusting penis.” (p101 Hot Sex – 1998)

Liz was evidently not relaxed about discussing sex and admitted that she was unenthusiastic about female masturbation. Ten or more years into a relationship, many couples will be in their thirties. The man is likely to be less trigger-happy and hence able to spend longer stimulating his partner through thrusting. The woman may find that her body is more receptive to being aroused. A healthy amount of ‘inhibited’ under-the-covers sex (with the lights off) would actually facilitate a woman’s use of sexual fantasies.

Author's Bio: 

Jane Thomas is founder of Ways Women Orgasm