Parenting Tips

As a mother, grandmother and great grandmother, I have spent many years being around the 'younger generation'. There have been some easy times, some tough times, some heartbreaks, and a lot of love.

My General Tips on Parenting or staying sane are as follows:-

1 As often as possible share a regular meal together, it may be difficult to organize in today’s times of busy working or separated families but well worth the effort in the long run, meal times are a great place for sharing thoughts feelings and ideas.

2 Make it a habit to encourage your child / children regularly it helps to build self esteem and a sense of purpose. A child who is told that they cannot learn or is 'put down' will believe what they are told by an adult or person in charge in most instances, and may 'give up'.

3 Praise children for doing the right thing, particularly co-operating, playing well together, and assisting others. Too often children are reminded of what they do wrong rather than praised for what they do right.

4 Encourage good behaviour and take minimal or no notice of bad behaviour, remember that even negative attention is attention and berating bad behaviour may not only make it worse, it may also become a way of 'attracting attention.

5 Have regular family meetings or gatherings and allow enough time for everyone to be voice their opinion and to be heard. Perceptive and receptive listening is a skill that we can all aspire to.

6 Have achievable and realistic expectations of your children, do not expect too much or too little. Achievements both large and small are stepping stones on lifes journey.

7 Allow your self to have fun time with your children; do not make a moral out of every game. Remember fun time is fun time. For you too.

8 Spend one on one time, children feel special when they get you all to themselves. Make quality rather than quantity time to spend with each child.

9 Allow children to help, accept the offer even if it’s easier to do it your self, this develops good helping habits, and they may well not offer once they are teenagers.

10 Be consistent with discipline, effective discipline includes limits, routines and speaking in a respectful manner, avoid ranting raving and physical punishment.

11 Talk about feelings and emotions, it’s a good move to help your children recognise how they feel, anger, sadness, joy, and disappointment can be explained in general conversation with sentences like ‘Wow, you seem happy today’, and ‘Are you disappointed that your team lost?’

12 Remember that mistakes are all a part of learning, support your children in their efforts to do better. Perfectionists set them selves up for failure.

13 Avoid comparing your children with their siblings or peers; each child is an individual who develops at their own rate, and is subject to their own individual wants needs desires, skills and challenges.

14 Encourage your child’s achievements by celebrating, go our for a meal or a treat, make a banner or present a family award, it does not have to cost a great deal, it is often the acknowledgment that counts.

15 Allow children to have personal space, encourage them to keep themselves occupied for short periods every day.

16 Have TV/ DVD/ Computer games free days, go for a walk, to the park, play games, and observe the things around you.

17 Remember that listening is one of the greatest gifts, Listen, to what your child is saying, without wanting to fix it for them. Listen to understand, not to give advice. Be grateful that they are sharing their thoughts with you.

18 Be aware that spoiling a child is cheating them of their independence, one of the key goals of being a parent is to prepare our children to be independent. Remember that it is not only an only child that can be spoilt.

19 Help your child to identify their strengths, every child is good at something, so help them to find that strength even if its not one you expected.See the things children are not so good at as 'lesser strengths' rather than weaknesses.

20 Do not argue or disagree in front of your child, be supportive of the other parent, even if you are separated. Work out your differences ahead of time and agree on a plan of action. Most important for guidelines and disciplines, and stick to it. One parent allowing late TV shows for example and the other not is not of any use to your child and creates confusion.

21 Allow your self to have some time off, exchange sitting hours with other parents, ask a relative to child mind, pay a baby sitter, use after school care and school holiday programs. Honor you also.

22 Remember that your child is an individual, just as you are, and appreciate one another for the very special beings that you are.Children truly are a 'gift' and are with us for such a short time.

A colleague of mine with four teenagers has often commented to me that 'Sometimes you just have to love them where they are at'.