Overcoming Upset

How to overcome upset by developing connection to
resources for a peaceful and content life

This is an excerpt from upcoming book “Anatomy of Upset” by Behnam Bakhshandeh

As we all know by now UPSET is big part of our daily living. We are upset a lot and it seems like we are always wondering about how to get rid of our upsets. In addition, we are all very interested in having peace and contentment in our lives.

Our upsets are not going to dissolve themselves regardless of the nature of upset, including emotional upsets, like anxiety, fear, anger, resentment, regret, jealousy and suppression. Our upsets are based on expectations of ourselves or others, such as should/should not, why/why not, do/do not, have to/must do, in order / because and follow/submit. It could also be that our upsetting experiences in life, such as separation, betrayal, defensiveness, protection, unfairness, domination and indifference will not go away by themselves. How do we know that? Well, if it was going to go away by itself, it would be gone by now.

We have trained our minds for many years, sometimes as many as 20, 30, 40 or 50 years! We train the mind to stay upset and blame other people, things, or circumstances outside ourselves to continue being upset. This training is just so that we have excuses and justifications to the fundamental question of: “Why I am not happy?”

The power and energy that pulses through us is based on our set of values. We manifest our upsets themselves via our emotional, mental, spiritual and physical endurance and strength.

We need all the following resources to maintain our peaceful and content life style through time. To be able to overcome our upsets and our uncomfortable situations we have to rely on and connect to all of the following resources. Only then can we perform at our peak.

Value Based Life:
Creating our life structure based on our own values and principles
What we value and what we stand for will make the biggest difference in the face of dealing with upsets and values. This is regardless of what others say, do or pressure you to do, to be or to have. Relating to our principles is the essences of our character and is one of the most important elements of facing upsets. This also keeps us from being drawn into upsetting situations.
If we do not connect to our values and principles, in a good way, we are connecting to our past, our wants and our desires. These are all subject to change based on what we feel on that moment. This is very unreliable information for which to build a case!

Emotional Maturity:
Ability to deal with our emotional rollercoaster as a fully functioning adult
Staying on the topic on hand and not becoming a teenager with attitude is very critical in resolving upsets among people. We can resolve emotional situations by dealing with any upsetting situation without extra interpretations and without adding hot emotion to an already difficult situation. Being aware of juvenile reaction and managing these reactions is one of most appropriate qualities of being a fully functioning adult.
Emotional maturity prepares us to bounce back from disappointment, frustration and loss.

Mental Strength:
Capacity to sustain our focus and maintain our concentration over a long period
We have to develop our mental strength to respond to situations based on our values regardless of pain, exhaustion or inconvenience. Access to this strength comes from belief that we are responsible for what we do after we feel challenging emotions. This also includes how we act after observing another person’s acts. We cannot control what happening to us but we can control how to react to it. Regardless, we are responsible for how we react to someone’s communication or something that has happened to us.

Spiritual Connection:
Discipline to reflect on our own beliefs and commitment to our deepest values
Developing discipline to continue relating to our beliefs and what is important to us, regardless of circumstance we are facing in any life situations. If we believe in peace and harmony, naturally we do not get engage in upsetting conversations with others. That does not mean that you do not say what you need to say to whom you need to say it. It only means we stay away from including our interpretations and opinions about that person. We will stay firm on what we believe is right and respect others form of communication by understanding it. If we care about peace and harmony, we have to provide that for ourselves as well as others around us.

Physical Endurance:
Access to physical endurance and resilience through practicing health and vitality
Healthy mind starts with healthy body.
Our physical endurance gives us ability to stay on task and complete project in hand in face of any upsetting situations. Harder work, longer hours, late or early does not matter because we are ready and we can handle it.

It is very easy to be comfortable when you have no responsibility, no accountability, and no dreams. In that case, there is no difference between you and the tree in your back yard! Of course, that tree has no choice and no free will. You have a choice to be happy and be content with yourself and your life. You are responsible for your own happiness and are accountable for your choices in life, past, present, and future.

In any upsetting or uncomfortable situations act based on your life values, bring emotional maturity to your actions, rely on your mental strength, use your spiritual connections and practice your physical endurance and you will be happier and more content in your life.

Author's Bio: 

Behnam Bakhshandeh is a dynamic author, speaker and executive coach and trainer.
He has two decides of hands-on experience training and coaching individuals, businesses & organizations.

Learn more about Behnam, his work and his client’s experiences on his website at www.PrimecoEducation.com or contact his office at 570-267-2604.