Overcoming Jealousy: Learning to Trust Your Partner

Relationships are built on trust. No matter how much you love your partner, if you are excessively jealous, it will be difficult for your relationship to last. Jealousy can take a toll on any relationship, regardless of whether you are married or dating for years. Being jealous is harmful to your relationship, and to yourself. Persistent doubts and negative thoughts can lead to added stress, which is not good for your mental or physical health.

The first step to getting over your jealousy is accepting the fact that you are, in fact, a jealous partner. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I have a problem with my partner speaking to people of the opposite sex (or same sex, for same-sex couples)? If my partner does not answer my call or text message in a time that I deem acceptable, do I become irritated, leave nasty messages or begin to think he or she is "up to no good"? Do I feel threatened that my partner may leave me for someone else, even though they have not been unfaithful in the past? Do I feel like my partner is being deceptive about his or her whereabouts, even though evidence does not support such thinking? If you answered "yes" to any of the previous questions, you may be a jealous partner.

If you have identified yourself as a jealous partner, congratulations. Acceptance is the first step to fixing the problem. Now it is time to figure out why you are jealous. Have you been hurt in the past? Has your partner done something specifically that makes you not trust them? If you believe you are jealous because of past transgressions from other partners, remind yourself that not all people are the same. Just because John Doe hurt you in the past, doesn't mean that your current partner will do the same-unless, of course, you see some of the same patterns that your ex displayed. If your current partner has done something that makes you insecure, have a chat with them. Avoid using the word "you," as in "You make me feel... when..." Instead, use "I," as in "I feel insecure when..." or "I worry about our relationship when..." Using "I" instead of "you" will make your partner feel like you are owning your feelings, rather than placing the blame on them. This should begin a healthy dialogue between you and your partner that will help you feel less insecure in your relationship.

Of course, we were all blessed with something called intuition, or our inner voice. If your inner voice is telling you that something just is not right, you may want to listen to that voice. However, if you decide to listen to the inner voice that is telling you something is not right, you must end the relationship. It is not fair to your partner, or yourself, to continue in a relationship where there is substantial doubt. Otherwise, if you decide that your jealousy is unfounded, make an effort to stop your jealous tendencies. You will thank yourself in the end.