Numerology meanings saved my sanity

Numerology meanings have saved me from insanity over the past few weeks. It is a year ago now, that my significant other told me that he "didn't love me enough" , so our plans to to live together in the far-away place where he had a job for a year, were stopped mid-flight (well, almost). He's now back home, which means still 3000 km between us, and he says he needs another 6 weeks to decide if he wants me back or not.
I have been waiting for a year, hoping and dreaming that everything would turn out for the better as soon as he was back home again, but unfortunately it doesn't go that easy.
You can imagine the disappointment I felt when he told me that he didn't want me to get him from the airport - I was ready to fly out and meet him at his home, but he said he wanted time and space for himself, without me. And now, he has been back for 10 days, and nothing has changed yet. He sometimes chats or talks to me, saying that he is everytime amazed how well we get on and what a good fit we are, only to subsequently ignore me for days after having talked.
it drives me crazy, or rather, it used to drive me crazy, but not anymore, since last week.
A friend of mine sent me to a website about numerology meanings, and suddenly the puzzlepieces started to fall in their place. When I had a look at the numerology meanings and the charts of his numbers of his Date of Birth and his name, a crazy amount of fives showed up, and in my chart a crazy amount of twos. Now, if you know that the 5 in numerology meaning are all about freedom and independence, and that the twos are all about connection and love, you understand that it is actually a miracle that we were happily together for such a long time.
As I started seeing this, I also started to understand more why he behaves in the way he does. When we really connect the way we used to, albeit now through Skype or telephone, it makes him feel scared that he will become smothered again. Now, in fact I never smothered him, but his ex-wife certainly did, and he hasn't digested that at all yet - it now appears.
How can a typical 5 man relate to a typical 2 woman?
I have no idea to be honest. I know we have a very strong connection, but I have no idea if we will ever be really together again. I do hope so, and the only thing I can do is follow the rules if the game, although they do not come natural to me at all.
I have been reading countless books of "How to get your ex back", and they certainly make sense. I have been nagging and whining and crying to him for months, and that certainly didn't help at all. Now I did change strategy, based on my discoveries of the numerology meanings, and we'll see what it brings. The other day he told me that he suddenly found it was 100 times as attractive as I had been, just by being independent and having fun... So that for sure was a good thing to do.
Now, having fun is not easy when you are broken-hearted, that is pretty clear, so I decided to "fake it til you make it" - and that works quite well until now: I do feel better and lighter, and life suddenly can be fun from time to time again, for some unexpected moments.
However, that doesn't mean that I don't feel disappointed when he goes on one of his ignoring missions again. Yesterday morning he came online to talk to me, which was really sweet, because I was going to lead a new group with all new people, and I was a bit nervous about it. The group went marvellous, and obviously I was looking very much forward to tell him how well it went and how grateful I was for his emotional support. But, since I came home from the meeting, I haven't heard a word from him. I had been more than a day now, and I start wondering if I said something wrong in our conversation... And then I remember the twos and the fives. Where for me connecting and relating and exchanging ideas and words are a vital ingredient of my daily happiness, silence and isolation and being all on his own is just as vital for him. So, I did really do my best NOT to contact him, for he would feel smothered again and we would loose all we rebuilt over the last few weeks.
Is it easy? No.
Does it work? Not sure.
Does it make me more happy? Well...
Maybe it would be better for me to cut all contact, but as long as he is giving me hope that we might get together again, I do not want to cut off that possibility. Is he being fair by letting me wait so long (and by telling me those terrible words back then when I had flewn out to be with him, far away from home, were I knew no one)? I don't know. Am I being stupid to wait for a guy who obviously is not interested and who is just taking advantage, as some of my girlfriends say? Maybe.
Am I learning to follow my own feelings and my own heart? For sure.
The numerology meanings and charts have helped me tremendously to find peace with what is, and to find a way to cope. Not only for me, but also a way of behaving that brings us finally closer together instead of throwing us further apart. All the advice of my girlfriends did exactly that (when I realised that no one of them actually had a happy relationship, I really felt stupid. I mean, would you learn how to drive a car from a guy who can't drive himself?)
Anyway, this was my little story, on my blog I share some more stories and insight I learned over the past year. I hope to see you there, and please do me a big favour and tell me what you think!