***Number One Parenting Tool

There is only one main parenting tool that must be used to develop your child’s emotional behavior. I know that sounds unreal. How could there be just one main thing to do with all of the information available that prescribes different methods and theories on how to parent your child. But it is true. Yes, each theory or book does offer good tips on how to help your child develop into a healthy successful adult with happy productive relationships. But in reality it all boils down to one major parenting tool. The one parenting tool I am talking about is never clear because of all the extraneous information surrounding it. When I mention all of the information available I am sure you know what I am talking about. You can read about how and when your child is supposed to crawl, walk, talk, eat hard food and on and on. You can also read about when your child is supposed to learn their ABC’s, nursery rhymes, and who big bird is. There are at least a thousand sites and books that describe what you can do as a parent to help your child be bigger and better, individually and socially. In fact there is so much information put out about what to do and what not to do it makes my head swim as a professional that is reading and learning for my work. For over the past 20 years as a clinical counselor working with children, adult and families from all walks of life I have realized that everything being written and said gives way to only one major parenting tool.

I have also realized how amazing it is that this one tool can set you free to be at ease and clear about the decisions you make raising your child. After studying child development and personal growth in school I incorporated this one skill into my counseling practice along with my practice of parenting. I am very proud to say that families and children I have come in contact with along with my 3 children have learned and incorporated this one thing to develop into responsible productive emotionally healthy adults. I wanted to state that because I am striving to make the point clear that by taking heed of this one thing you will have everything you need to help your child develop emotionally successfully. It will give you the answer to what is the most important thing you can say to your child when they come in last place and didn’t get a prize like everyone else? It will answer what consequence you should you give them after they have emptied the aromatherapy sea salt all over the floor on the night you were planning on having a long overdue soaking retreat. It will give you the parenting tool to remain patient and calm while they are having a meltdown, when the bills are due, when everyone is hungry, school projects are due, someone has a meeting or game now and your workday was the soap-opera from you know where. Because I have seen these situations occur I know your first thought is to have your own major meltdown by screaming and hiding but that will only double even triple the things that you needed to get done yesterday. If you are the caring parent who loves their child I know you relate to all the stress and pressure of parenting and wanting to get it right when it comes to raising an emotionally healthy child. Also along with relating to being a caring parent I know you can relate to the part that you are at the bottom of the “take care of” list. Ask yourself how are you supported, what do you eat for lunch, when and how do you take a break to recharge? These questions along with my education have shown me that being a caring responsible parent takes more than just book learning. I realized that in order to be a good parent you too have to continue to grow in order to help your child grow. You need to learn how to eat right, sleep, exercise, learn new exciting things, relax, respond to bullies, feel confident, reach goals and take care of yourself first. You need to look inside at what pushes your emotional buttons, what made you so mad, what made you feel insecure, what made you feel happy and why can’t you complete important goals pertaining to you. You need to look back at your childhood rearing, consequences, rewards, parents and how you were loved. As you explore, process and incorporate different self-improving skills your life will begin to turn extremely joyful, fullfilling, successful and less stressful. You will make better decisions, be firm or gentle as needed, you will respond to your child more effectively without you getting in the way. And as a result of your life getting better your child’s life and your relationship with them will get better too.

Have I rambled on long enough to get my point across? I understand raising your child is one of the most difficult and rewarding jobs you will ever employ. That your child becomes your life and that you get lost in your child’s life. That seeking and learning information is important because you want to be the best parent to your child. But most importantly is that you realize as your child grows you continue to grow too. Consciously or unconsciously you relive your childhood memories and impressions. You replay your childhood traditions, traumas and disciplines. And you consciously or unconsciously pass them on to your child to continue repeating your family history. In all cases either being aware of it or not your childhood development who you were and how you became you gets replayed into your child’s life. So, the most important thing to know about helping your child develop resilient emotional behavior is to learn about you and support yourself to grow more resilient and emotionally healthy. You may not at first glance notice that your individual exploration and growth will give you the parenting tool and answers to help your child. But look closely at all the literature and you will see that the most important piece of information being expressed is empowerment to you. Yes all of the child development literature is expounding on the number one parenting tool. You can try some of the suggestions made by the experts to make your child listen better, cry less or jump higher. But if you don’t approach it from a perspective of knowing where you are reacting from to address how your child is feeling the action of parenting will become a struggling disappointment of trail and error. So let me say this one main point several different ways to make myself clear. Children learn by example. Actions speak louder than words. Your child will hear what you do, and so on and so on. So the number one parenting tool you can use to take care of the most important person on the face of the earth is to... Are you ready? DEVELOP YOU.

For more information on the relationship between parenting and your inner child to develop your child’s emotional behavior visit Mychildtherapist.com