It’s an interesting time of year once Christmas comes and goes leaving many...”hopeful,” for the new year ahead.

Across Facebook and many other social media platforms you see post after post about what a shit year it was and somehow we are left to believe that with a flip of a month in the calendar, we reset. Something about the “new year” elicits hopes of dreams coming true, new love interests, amazing new careers, no death of loved ones and pretty much everything we have always wanted will now be available to us... and, just magically show up! With the flip of a “date”!! What?? Yes! And all we have to do is tell the last year to “eat it”, shoot some Patrone and profess, ”2019 is going to ROCK!!”

Yeah so if you were one of those people and you're reading this, I’m guessing you can now clearly see how unproductive and meaningless, that whole proclamation was.

Why? Because we know that as cool as the simplicity of that process would be, it’s an empty promise. It’s our inner programming that gets us from one minute to the next, our negative belief system inbred from years of the negative experiences life often brings. We feel frustration and let down for the life we have just lived the past year, and an expectation that somehow time alone will make everything whole and real and happy again. That with a flip of the calendar page, we will somehow morph our lives much like the movie “Back To The Future”, and the passing of time and the new year alone will make everything we have always wanted come easy. Suddenly this year will be “THE year”! Endless opportunities will begin coming our way that match that blueprint, ie. the life we dream of...effortlessly.

If only it were that easy.

It’s almost a childlike mentality. In early childhood, we are naive to the challenges life may throw our way. Our own experiences to date in childhood are limited to the number of experiences we have already had. And because we have at this point, in “normal” circumstances, experienced more wonder, affection, approval, validation and love than we have hatred, death, despair and loss, because of our limited time on the planet, we unconsciously are manifesting more good in our lives as a result. We only know to pay real attention to what is good, beautiful and positive as we’ve seen more of it. And since what we focus on expands, we vibrate at a higher level and attract the energy of what we focus on. Life is rosy.

Time and what comes with it, weakness this natural state of ”being” we have as a child. At the time, we have no clue what “manifesting” even means. As a child, we come into this world with rosy lenses already in place so everything we see, appears... rosy, and if it is negative, we are able to brush it off easier because of our current programming. We quickly and happily skip forward. We are not jaded yet by time and the heartache and despair it sometimes brings.

So if we could find a way to remain in that naive, childlike wonderous state, how could our lives appear different? As we experience falling in love, breakups, death, career challenges, loss, grief and so many other natural occurrences in life, decade after decade, how can we keep from getting jaded? How do we find the energy to find those rosy lenses, put them on and now choose to see “good” over “bad” to allow us to bounce back, skip forward, and reset our life’s narrative?

Just go to Facebook. I’m sure most of you pick up on the number of posts our friends put up relating to staying strong, positive thinking” ; “Just Believe”, “You’ve Got This”, “Just Do It”, and so many other empowering posts that tell us we can have everything we want. It is ours for the taking. You just need to believe. And these posts are so well meaning and encouraging but this is the thing, I believe the majority of the posts you see, are from people that are struggling themselves to instill these beliefs within their own selves. We are either “in the flow” and validating the high we get from a recent success, or we are really struggling to find success. And so let’s just suppose that we post these positive words to in a way, to convince ourselves that we can break through a challenging moment in time. It takes but a moment to share our post and offer encouragement, for ourselves and others. And then the post is out there, the moment gone...and much like New Years Eve each year, we sit back and await the change we want and probably need. And we wait...and wait, and we grow more and more discouraged that that post (the thought we tried to believe) , is not “working”.

The reality is, and if only we would consistently train our children early on, life “right”, takes effort. Living the life we want, “goal getting” and happiness come, when... for... it. When we consciously make the decision that the pain of remaining in a state of despair, is greater than the fear of purposefully designing the life we desire. We have to implement. Every self development book or rah rah seminar we have attended will not fix us merely by engaging. The “high” we get from those powerful lessons in the moment, will fade and not sustain us long enough to make our life intended unfold, if we don’t follow and implement daily, the secrets learned. We are older, more experienced than the carefree days of childhood now and with that comes a big reality check. We have to put on the rosy lenses from our youth EVERY SINGLE DAY. They are now an “accessory” to our best self, not an automatic, childlike view of the world anymore. We have to consciously remain open to possibilities, do things like write down “S.M.A.R.T” goals with action steps and deadlines. Our “why we’re wanting this”, whatever your “this” is, has to be SO big, SO important, SO meaningful, that we devise a plan to get there, and simply work to make it happen. And we tweak it when it doesn't, until it does

And with a big enough “why”, what used to appear as major hurdles in obtaining our goals, will now seem like mere road bumps. We have to choose what we focus on very carefully. To pay more attention to the things that are right, beautiful, fulfilling and already in our existence. To give that our energy, rather than to what we do not have at that moment. There is no “free” ride for any of us. There is no “pass” on the experience of pain and loss and disappointment. It is part of life. It is what makes us who we are. What it does not do, is define us. Unless we stay stuck and allow it to. And for those of you that think you know of people that have a pass, what has that pass actually, “cost” them?

And we do this, year after year. And we do it because it takes a lot of “floating “ along in life from a young age, to realize, that life does not happen to us. It happens for us. And that means we don't always get what we want, but often we get what we need, yep the bad stuff too, until we figure shit out. We need to quit waiting for the things we wish for to miraculously show up in our lap. They very rarely will come easy. By life’s design. To force us to stretch ourselves, grow and learn. If you can believe for just a moment that each of us is truly here by design, to fulfill a purpose, can that possibility be enough for you to look at your life a bit differently? Allow you to remain curious and open and willing to seek that purpose? Can you see failure as way to make you challenge you in your beliefs, question your current path, your intentions, so that maybe you can re-adjust your life to experience less resistance and pain? Even with the best of mindsets, we will still have “bad” things happen.BUT we also have control over how we react. And how much power we will allow that “bad” thing. Will we allow it to “wreck” us.

Here’s the thing. It’s a lot easier to just hope that the next year of our lives is happier, stress free, full of love and joy and meaning, then it is to actually make a conscious choice to make it that way. As we’ve been told many times, nothing worth having comes easy. Work hard for it and appreciate and focus on what is going right. Gratitude for what is, changes our energetic frequency. When we focus on the good our frequency vibrates higher and we attract more good things. It’s simply a Law of Science. and only until then with action steps that support your desired “blueprint”, will you stop relying on one holiday to make resolutions that you should be fulfilling day, after day, 365 days a year. Stop waiting for New Years Eve, the date and the holiday itself, to start living the life you want. The holiday is not going to change your life...but you can. And you know what, sometimes ignorant bliss can be a good thing. Find that naive, childlike wonderous state of your past, and live in it again each day. Choose to focus on only the good… just remember you now have to put the rosy lenses on.

And when New Years Eve rolls around again...celebrate the year you lived. Celebrate all that was good. Take action and... do this year even better!

Author's Bio: 

Dominique Nicole is a Life Coach specializing in Divorce, Dating and Relationships. She is a certified Divorce Coach through CDC (Certified Divorce Coach), a Board Certified Holistic Health Coach, HHC, through The Institute for Integrative Nutrition, IIN, a Life Coach and a Breakthrough Parenting© Instructor, CBPI. She is a single mother of 4 and two time divorce survivor.