Although someone will have a number of needs, it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of all of them. As a result of this, it is not going to be possible for them to meet all their needs.

By living in this way, they are going to be depriving themselves of a lot of what they need. They can then often feel drained and even exhausted but they won’t be able to join the dots, to speak.

It’s Normal

This could be how they have lived for a very long time, so there will be no reason for what is going on to stand out. There could be a number of things that they automatically do to handle the pain that they experience through living in this way.

For example, they could end up drinking, eating and/or watching something on TV. This will keep their pain at bay if only for a short while and then they can end up doing something else.

The Basics

When it comes to the needs that they do meet, this can relate to their need to eat, drink, sleep, have somewhere to live and clothing to wear. Meeting these needs will allow them to survive but what it won’t do is allow them to thrive.

As for what they do for a living, they could have a job that is very monotonous and soul-destroying. Still, it might just about provide them with enough money to make ends meet.

Another Area

When it comes to their relationships, they might have a number of friends but they might not be close to them, though, with them being more like associates. They might not be in a relationship and they might not have ever had one either.

What they may have had over the years are a number of casual encounters. This would then have been a time when some of their physical needs were met but that would have been about as far as it went.

Out of Touch

Nonetheless, if they are not connected to their emotional needs and even a number of their physical needs such as the need to be touched and held; they are not going to have the need to be in an intimate relationship. These needs will be inside them but they will end up redirected and sexualised in the process.

Having these kinds of encounters can allow them to release tension and thus, allow them to settle down for short while but they are unlikely to do much else. There could come a point in time when they have had enough of living in this way.

Stepping Back

If they were to step back and reflect on how they experience life, they could wonder why they are out of touch with a number of their needs. They could see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember.

Along with this, they may see that there have been moments when they tried to directly and/or indirectly meet their physical and emotional needs and didn’t get very far. This may have typically been a time when they didn’t get very far and ended up feeling hopeless and helpless and went into a collapsed physical state.

Totally Powerless

If they were to think about expressing their needs, this could be a time when they experience shame and expect to be rejected and abandoned. They can then see their needs as being a burden and something that will put their very survival at risk.

At this point, they could believe that it is simply not possible for them to meet certain needs and that it is best for them to do what they can to ignore them. How they have been for so long will then be their only option and they will have to hope that that life changes.

Going Deeper

Taking all this into account, there is a strong chance that they are this way due to what took place during their formative years. Practically, from the moment they were born, they may have often been left.

This would have deprived them of what they needed to grow and develop in the right way and, as they were powerless and dependent, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. Their brain would have automatically repressed how they felt and their needs and they would have gone into a disconnected, shut-down, frozen and collapsed state.

How It Was

What this illustrates is that how they feel as an adult, when it comes to their needs, is a reflection of not only how they felt during their formative years but what it was actually like for them. They were unable to meet their needs at this point yet this is no longer the case.

Nonetheless, for them to know this at an emotional level as opposed to it just being an idea that their mind dismisses, they will probably need to face and work through the pain that they experienced all those years ago and express their unmet developmental needs. This will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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