My Story

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass.
It’s about learning to dance in the rain" Anonymous

I was told I had Wegener’s Granulomatoses Vasculitis (WGV), severe cardiomyopathy and at one point the whites of my eyes had started to melt and I was blind.

I was too old, too sick, and too weak to get on the list for a new heart, which seemed to be the only solution to the heart problem. I was also told the heart doesn’t heal itself. I have to admit, it was always difficult for me to say, “I have” Wegener’s Granulomatoses Vasculitis. I much preferred to say, “I have been diagnosed with it.” It seemed that if I said it that way, I didn’t own it or it didn’t “have” me.

WGV is an auto immune disease that is very often fatal. It is also difficult to diagnose. It can attack any organ. In a way, I guess I was lucky because when I got really sick and required emergency hospitalization, it was affecting everything. I had sore joints, little purple sores indicating a blood infection, I was coughing up blood and my kidneys were also involved. While it is said this disease can be controlled, I think when you read my story you will realize one’s life expectancy is short. You may not die from the disease immediately, but either it or the treatment will get you.

My ordeal took five years. In the course of the five years, I became good friends with my lead doctor, Dr. Katz. He is one of the finest men and the best doctor I have ever met. One day, after the lab reports said I was in good health, he said “Did you know how sick you were? If I were a betting man I would have lost big money on you. When I met you I didn’t think you would be here now.”

I once read a two line quote from an anonymous author that described my journey. It went like this:

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass.
It’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

During the first four years I kept having a series of life threatening events happen to my health. I would just get the best medical treatment I could find and sit back and wait for the storm to pass. The problem was my health and my outlook for survival kept getting worse.

At the point of my greatest despair, I was blind, the Wegener's had attacked my eyes, my heart had a 15% ejection fraction and my immune system was really out of whack. I couldn’t walk to the bathroom without getting chest pains. To relieve the inflammation in my eyes I had to take very strong immune suppressant drugs usually used in cancer treatment. After taking one of the drugs for about three months, I was still blind and my blood crashed. By crashed I mean my white cell count went down to less than 2 and my red cell count was also very low.

In the process of suppressing my immune system, we had stopped my bone marrow from making new cells. In the middle of December we had to stop everything and wait to see if my bone marrow would recover.

If my bone marrow did recover, the next drug of choice of a world-renowned eye specialist was a stronger immune suppressant drug, Cytoxin. Our research showed this drug had damaged good hearts when used in cancer treatment. We didn’t know what it might do to a bad heart. In addition, this drug causes bladder cancer if you don’t drink at least four liters of water every day. With cardiomyopathy I was on a restricted fluid diet.

Looking at what seemed like an impossible situation I considered just getting up out of my chair and seeing how far I could run before my heart failed. Then I just decided to get well. I immediately realized I didn’t know how. For four years, I had been getting all the best medical advice and treatment and kept getting worse. I knew it would have to be something more. I decided on a shotgun approach.

I would continue getting medical treatment, continue with my program of nutrition, and start working on my mind. I had been a meditator and I had some experience with the power of the subconscious mind. I don’t know why I didn’t use it sooner. I guess I was just waiting for the storm to pass with each health episode.

I started visualizing good health and started feeling better right away. I knew I had to get that feeling of “belief” in order to make it happen. I must say that when the men in white coats, armed with lab reports or x-ray film tell you something it is hard to “believe” it is not true.

I decided I needed some real work on my subconscious. I went on the internet and bought several subliminal CD’s on health and healing. I also bought one on guided visualization of health. When I got these CD’s I started listening to them all the time. When I went to bed, I listened to the sleep version. I thought if a little bit of this helps a little a lot should help a lot. (Besides I didn’t have anything else to do.)

I am a long time mediator and I knew the power of thought in the meditative state. I also knew that science had shown that the meditative state could be achieved with binaural beats. I created my own guided visualization CD with binaural beats imbedded in the background music. This was like putting the guided visualization on steroids. While in deep meditation, my mind was being bombarded or saturated with phrases like “you are healing, you are healed, you have perfect health,” etc. I started feeling much better and within a week I had that feeling of “belief.” Here is what I came to believe.

My body is repairing itself twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. It has the blueprint to do it right. My body is now rebuilding itself perfectly. It is back on track. I first noticed my eyesight was starting to return.

I had learned to dance in the rain. Trips to the doctor’s office, in my mind, were to verify what I already knew. I was getting well. I got the CD’s around Christmas and by the middle of January my blood had recovered enough for me to take the more potent immune suppressant drug. By the first of February my vision had returned to where I started to think about driving again. I flew to Boston to consult with a world-renowned eye specialist and he confirmed the treatment I was getting was the best I could get for my eyes.

While I was taking this drug I drank at least four liters of fluid every day to keep from getting bladder cancer. With cardiomyopathy, drinking large quantities of liquids is a big no-no (You could drown). I did it anyway with no problems.

By the end of March the inflammation in my eyes was gone, but I still had a big cataract from long-term large doses of prednisone. Near the end of April, Dr. Katz called and said, “Don’t take any more of the cancer drug (cytoxin). The lab tests show your blood has crashed. Your white cell count is 1.5 and your red cells are about as bad.” (White cells are the backbone of your immune system. When the cell count is that low, your immune system will not function. A cold could turn into pneumonia and be fatal.) We discussed a transfusion but decided to wait the weekend to see if my blood recovered. (I just knew it would.) The tests on Monday confirmed that I didn’t need a transfusion. Dr.Katz told me I should not take any more of the cytoxin because there is no safe dose and there is nothing that says your blood has to recover. If it doesn’t recover we will be looking at a bone marrow transplant to stay alive.

I had not had the eye inflammation for a month and I didn’t believe it would return. I just knew I wouldn’t need anymore of the cytoxin. The eye inflammation was the last trace of WGV in my body. Just think, if my blood had not crashed, my doctors would have most likely recommended I take that drug for a long time. No one knew what would happen if it was stopped. I stopped taking it in the emergency and all that happened is I got healthy.

The first week in May, I went to St. Luke’s hospital to see if I could get into a national study for heart patients. In order to get into the study, I had to get a complete set of baseline tests of my heart. I completed the tests and the doctor and a nurse said. “We’re sorry but you can’t get into the study. The reason you don’t qualify is your heart is normal. The normal ejection fraction is 50 to 75% and yours is 50%.”

Just think about that. After I started visualizing perfect health the WGV went away. During the time I was taking potentially heart damaging drugs and drinking large amounts of water, my heart healed itself. (When I first received the heart diagnosis they told me the heart doesn’t heal itself).

Now a year and a half later my corrected vision is 20/20 both eyes and all my lab tests look great. I walk a mile and a half everyday and usually jog the last couple hundred yards. At the urging of my wife, I wrote a book about my ordeal,the power of visualization and the Law of Attraction. I called it "Learning To Dance In The Rain" I also made mp3 recordings "Visualization The Secret Key" and "Health and Healing".