My Wife Doesn't Make Me Happy: When You're Unhappy In Marriage

Few, if any marriages that have lasted a significant amount of time have been without moments of unhappiness. Regardless of the relationship, unfortunately, we do not live in a vacuum and frustrating events take their toll on us, on our spouses, and on life in general. Often times, disappointment in marriage seems to endure for a prolonged period of time, long enough for doubts to begin to germinate and grow. This discontent, however, is often self-perpetuating and can be harmful, if not destructive to a successful marriage.

The first thing to consider when you are unhappy in marriage is that nothing lasts forever, not even despondency. Just as the blissful honeymoon comes to an end, so does unhappiness. Finding ways to expedite the unpleasant times in marriage is paramount to a rewarding marriage.

Second, take action. Start remembering the things in your spouse that you fell in love with. Relive the memories. See your spouse as you saw him/her when you were married or when your relationship was at its prime.

Third, make an attempt to recapture the romance. Plan a date or a romantic get-away that could rekindle your relationship. Communicate with your spouse expressing your sentiments as gently and unobtrusively as possible.

Fourth, don't give up. Sometimes, the most unfortunate periods of our marriage lead to the most satisfying eras. Unhappiness, like all things, does not last forever.

The most satisfying marriages are those who have soared through the triumphs of passion and intimacy but who have also survived the chasms of desperation, doubt, and unhappiness. Persevere through the difficult, glib, hopeless period, for happiness, with a little effort, is just around the corner.

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There can be many reasons why your marriage is at the brink of failure, often times it is both party's fault and many times it is either one's fault too. Nonetheless, even though it is marriage and there is a lot of memories and a lot of emotions involved it is not always compulsory that it is a marriage worth saving. You have to spend some time and figure out for yourself whether you really want to continue staying in the marriage or not.

The first reason that make you think whether it is a marriage worth saving or not is if there is any physical abuse. If it is of the extreme kind then you should not even be thinking about saving the marriage as it could very soon become violent beyond control. For your safety's sake, no matter how much you think you want the marriage to work out, it would really not be worth saving.

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The other reason that is a little harder to recognize than physical abuse is, is emotional abuse. This kind of emotional abuse can be brought on by one partner and the other partner might never even recognize it. This kind of emotional abuse can include demand of isolation from friends, need for constant attention and gratification. Even constant insults and bad behavior are part of emotional abuse that can cause a lot of rift in the relationship.

If you recognize these in your relationship, you must rethink whether your marriage is worth saving.

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Men and women often differ in the traits they look for in a date or in a future partner. Many men tend to consider more of the physical assets while women, being the emotional type that they are, would go for non-physical attributes. These include loyalty, confidence, great sense of humor, a good communicator and someone who's emotionally stable.

Guys really need to exert an effort to win the attention and affection of the woman of their dreams. It's time to find out what women really look for so that in case you're looking for a new partner to love, you would know how to behave and perhaps, develop a good trait that you can carry on moving onwards.

Many women prefer a romantic guy. By romantic, it means a man who knows how to woo a woman and really finds a way to make an occasion or even an ordinary day extra special to make the apple of his eyes feel loved. Take note, however, that the romance being displayed should not be short lived but continue through the months or years that go by. So those romantic gestures should not just be done to get your girl to say yes to your proposal and then moving onwards, you would stop doing it. Women want consistency and diversity especially in the things that you do so do your best if you'd like to stay together longer.

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A generous heart is also a trait that women fall in love with. Being generous does not really mean giving the woman expensive stuff or bringing her to expensive restaurants all the time. It's about not being too budget-conscious or stingy. It's a reality that some men tend to be conscious about the cost of everything and refuse to spend much for their partners. Being with this type of man can get women into fights particularly if they're the generous lot and tend to spend more. But then again, it won't hurt a man to pamper his partner every now and then. What's money anyway if you're making yourself and your partner happy. Money can be earned but the happiness you two experience on that day of being together can be priceless.

A caring partner is also a common wish by many women particularly among those who have had a previous relationship with over confident men. It's men's nature to often put himself first but a man who knows how to care for his loved one is more admirable and attractive in the eyes of women. It's all about knowing how to meet your partner's needs so that your needs can be met in return. If you're more than just caring but knows how to maintain the romance in your relationship as well, then you can be sure to have a satisfying relationship.

Finally, you've got to have some humor. A man who knows how to make his partner laugh and giggle can become more attractive even if he's not that physically appealing. It pays to have some laughs once in a while because with all the challenges that life brings, the stress can wear you down so go ahead and learn how to be a comic guy when necessary.

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As you read this some of you are on the verge of giving up. You can't imagine staying in the marriage. You've tried everything you know of and still you are unhappy every day.

Your spouse is just not the person you had hoped they would be-or not the person you need at this point in your lives. You look around and see other people who seem to have fulfilling marriages and you feel cheated.

You feel like it must be over.

I have some good news: Your marriage may not be as dismal as you think!

Before you give up on your spouse, it's a good idea to start with why you married them in the first place.

Most of us pick a mate based on all sorts of criteria. The main criteria are often sexual attraction and emotional attraction. We have fun together-in and out of bed-and that's how we pick a mate.

In addition we usually come up with all sorts of practical reasons to give out conscious mind the rational excuses to get our swerve on, but those are typically secondary to our subconscious reasons. Attraction plus logical reasons equals marriage.

But once we get married there is more on our plate than just sexual attraction. Sometimes, under the intense light of real life, we forget the positive reasons we married and start focusing on all of our spouse's shortcomings.

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Often, during these periods of forgetful mental criticism, we end up looking for the person our spouse is NOT and end up disappointed. She was carefree when we dated, now she seems irresponsible. He was a "lone wolf" who drove you wild, now he just seems to ignore you.

Before you throw in the towel think for a minute about who you married, why you married them and what that likely means for your future together. Chances are it will give you a much better (and more positive) picture of your future.

When we are picking a mate we tend to look at them without a critical eye. We love how their playfulness offsets our rigidity. We wanted to be more spontaneous. Sure (s)he lacked a little in the punctuality department, but who cares-(s)he made you laugh.

Keep in mind: Most of us marry someone who has a similar set of values to ours, but who complements ourselves rather than replicates ourselves. "Accelerator" personalities tend to marry "brake" personalities. Outgoing gregarious personalities tend to marry more subdued personalities.

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So when someone marries a playful person, they are likely not as playful. They appreciate their spouse's playfulness, but they themselves tend to be the follower in play. At first it seems great.

What we fail to realize is that playfulness is also likely to indicate a person who, by nature, is not going to be hyper responsible when it comes to things like showing up on time, finishing projects around the house or paying the bills.

Sure (s)he can make you laugh, but right now you are more concerned about your kids' under funded college accounts.

The key to finding happiness in your marriage again is this: Accept your spouse exactly as they are. Love the things that attracted you in the first place. Enjoy the things that attracted you in the first place.

Be willing to pick up the slack in the areas where your spouse in naturally challenged and free yourself from resentment.

Who knows, you must just enjoy being married again.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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