My Husband's Personality Changed Overnight: Sudden Personality Change In Husband

My Husband's Personality Changed Overnight: Sudden Personality Change In Husband

One of the most often asked questions I face in dealing with marital conflict is: "Why did things change so much since I married?" or "This is not the same person I met!" or worst yet... "I was deceived... I met person A and now I come to find out I am living with person B!"

Welcome to the real world of marriage and long term relationships.

Peter Devries (Editor, Novelist, Satirist and Linguist, 1910-1993), said: "The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character."

Greatest truth said about marriage, and what it takes to make marriage a life long time endeavor.

Personality is your public persona. Personality is how people experience you when they meet you, when they interact with you. Personality is the part of you that "falls in love." Personality is the impressive side of you.

Character is who you really are; it's the core of you. Character is the person you are when no one is watching. Character is the decisions you make when no one hears you. Character is what happens in your mind in a split second! Character is the person you become when you face a crisis or when all things come tumbling down. I like to say that character is the "raw" self without the façade and the defense mechanisms we use to protect ourselves. Have you heard the statement: "We never though this person would do this?" Well, people only knew a "personality" not the "character" of that person. Character in the end is the constellation of enduring traits that are manifested in the ways that an individual reacts to the extreme challenges of life.

When you and your spouse met, you met each other's personalities. You showed to the other person the most brilliant side of you or your public persona. You and your spouse don't meet the person who charmed each other's friends, bought gifts for each other's parents, and always smiled from ear to ear. This is usually the way we display ourselves when relating to others... specially if we have "fallen in love."

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It doesn't mean we trick a person into believing something that is not true! But marriage lasts too long, the encounters become constant, and in close quarters for anyone to sustain a public persona. Personalities eventually give way to an INNER SELF which is much deeper and stronger. That's when character gets revealed. That's when the personality fades away and you meet a different person for the first time. Sometimes that sweet spouse you met turns to drugs or some bizarre behavior and you say to yourself, "How could that have happened?" The true character of that person is simply showing up for the first time. His/her character could be the nasty, darkest, most competitive, vengeful part of that person and you never saw it fully displayed until a crisis evolved. Love making, kissing, tenderness, kindness and all the good gestures before the crisis where part of his/her personality. The crisis is, perhaps, the first time when your spouse stands truly, emotionally naked, in front of you for the first time. Not only you meet your REAL spouse after 5, 10, 15 or more years for the first time, but very often that's the time when you meet the REAL SELF that you are for the first time! I am simply amazed, when I hear the stories of either successful or failed marriages and how character either built them up or brought them down to destruction.

Not long ago a mother confided in me (after a number of conversations) that after 32 years of marriage she was actually flipping because she was comparing her daughter's marriage with hers and she saw her daughter happier than she had herself ever been. She was actually contemplating divorce to find someone that would provide her with what she thought was missing in her life. Can you imagine? This woman's true character was finally showing up at age 52! Amazing! She later admitted to deep feelings of competitiveness with her daughter since she was a teenager.

Character is fundamentally crucial to the success of a marriage, the long term negotiation of differences, and marital conflict resolution in marriage. Unresolved conflict issues in a marriage are the highest, single most damaging cause of divorce. And the truth is that there is no conflict resolution without character. When all is said and done, the person you met is not the person he/she becomes through the years. Very often crisis in a marriage simply displays the character of the people who are married. When you factor in, new experiences, change of perceptions, hormonal changes and repeated emotional injuries through the years you begin to realize that character is all you have to keep a marriage sound and healthy.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Nikki told me during a marriage conflict intervention, "The person my husband Mike now calls a "bitch" was never like that ten years ago." "How would you describe the Nikki of ten years ago?" I asked her. "Sweet, pleasant, romantic, willing to go the extra mile, considerate and kind," she said. Of course, I jumped to the occasion and asked the obvious question... "Who is Nikki? The one your husband Mike met 10 years ago or the Nikki he sees now?" She soon saw the difference between personality and character. Personality, (the nice Nikki) was revealed when things were new and smooth. Character, (the "capricious," "reactive," "demanding" woman) was showing up under stress and the reality of Mike's true character, which was selfish and self-centered! Both of their characters, Mike and Nikki, were showing up during this time of crisis and their marriage was on the brink of divorce.

The reason so many people fail at marriage and in their attempts at marriage renewal is NOT that they don't like their spouse. It's that they don't like THEMSELVES. And while everyone else in their life, or in an extra-marital affair is like a mirror reflecting their PERSONALITY; their spouse is a mirror reflecting their true CHARACTER. And most people don't like what they see. Divorce is often found in the backrooms of our characters and the utter dislike of our characters.

Many people would rather choose to be with "someone" else (back to "personality love") than to remain with their spouse and face the true character of their spouses and their own! (Did you get that?). Marriage requires "character love."

Balthasar Gracian wrote in his 17th century manual on success, The Art of Worldly Wisdom, as follows: "You are as much a real person as you are deep. As with the depths of a diamond, the interior is twice as important as the surface. There are people who are all facade, like a house left unfinished when the funds run out. They have the entrance of a palace but the inner rooms of a cottage."

Marriage renewal and individual character development go hand-in-hand. You can not have a successful marriage without character. Character is what keeps a marriage together through the seasons of conflict and bitter disappointments.

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Watching TV this morning made me think, "Do we owe it to our spouse to take care of ourselves? If we excel at most areas of life, but fail to take care of our body & health, how can that affect a marriage? Marriage is complex, but desire is a central issue to most relationships. In light of the many marriages that suffer as a result of growing apart, I wondered how many relationships come down to this central issue.

The fact that as life becomes more complicated with responsibilities, the boredom of the day to day grind can begin to wear away at the very fabric that held the relationship together. Often the first area that is sacrificed is self-care. In order to get more things done and due to the stress of the responsibilities, people begin to squeeze out time for themselves. This results in feeling sluggish and fatigued. It also reduces your confidence and self-esteem.

In this state it is challenging to feel sensual and desirable. That is a problem for many marriages. The other spouse will often feel that they are not desirable either, or the other spouse would want to spend more time on self-maintenance. Your partner can feel like a reflection of you. When that partner, "lets themself go," so to speak. The other partner can begin to feel less-than as well. Now this is not the case, but it is often what the perception is. Like water on a rock, overtime this issue can begin to erode a once strong marriage.

It happens slowly and subtly. This is much like cooking a pot of live crabs. They start out in cold water and eventually as the heat is turned up they get cooked. If they had been dropped into boiling water they would of jumped out, but because it happened so slowly they allowed themself to become cooked. How many marriages have become "cooked" because the heat of their marriage gradually was reduced until it became cold? No one would jump into a cold marriage, but when it happens slowly that is generally what people discover.

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How can this be avoided? Well if we knew that, there would likely be no divorce. But this is for certain, we only have control of our own actions. Wanting the other person to change is not enough to make that happen. You must begin to change who you are and as a result others will change how they react to you. Often your personal change, combined with a supportive and positive attitude, can be the catalyst that brings about change in your spouse. What does NOT work: nagging, complaining and cheating.

I believe attraction is important in marriage. It does not come from picture perfect beauty, but from the doing the best one can with what one has to work with. To be treated sensually, begin to care for yourself in a way that increases your feelings of sensuality. You do not have to be thin, beautiful or muscled up. You simply need to show that you are putting in an effort to care for your personal heath, fitness and appearance. This will become very attractive to your partner. In can begin to reignite old feelings.

It is about the effort, caring for your health, appearance and fitness is something you do for yourself and something that reflects a sense of chemistry between you and your spouse. A lack of, could lead the spouse to seek that chemistry elsewhere. Not recommended or endorsed, but we see this everyday. When you let your health & fitness decline, this will make you feel less confident in your love life as well as making your spouse feel as though you do not value that aspect of your marriage. This can cause a negative shift in a marriage when the person you love stops loving themself.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Now keep in mind this is a gross generalization. Many marriages are unconditional and appearances are not a big issue in the relationship. But this has more to do with each individual. Each person has individual things that they value in a marriage. From companionship, partnership and family to romance and physical attraction. It all depends on the intensity of need in each area. If the romance and physical attraction area is an intense need for your partner, then it is certainly an area you should put attention on.

That goes for all areas of life. It is important to understand and give your partner what they have an intense need for. Likewise, they need to know what areas you have intense need for. One way to keep your partnership strong is to understand what each partner values and do what you can to help fulfill that need. It is easy to become overwhelmed with the responsibilities of home & family, letting self-care decline, but when this happens, often the marriage will decline as well.

Give a gift to your relationship this year! I encourage people to invest in their health & fitness to boost their personal sensuality & spice up their relationship. It can recreate the chemistry & add zest to your marriage. Remember it is the EFFORT that is rewarded!

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Often when someone starts wondering "how to save my marriage" they continue procrastinating until it is too late. Most of the time you will find that time is NOT on your side; the longer you let the little problems fester, the more anger and resentment grows.

While marriage is designed as a partnership, we all know that partnerships do not always work well and often one person carries more than their fair share of the load. Are you trying to save your marriage all on your own, without the help of your spouse? This is not uncommon, but my advice would be to try to get your spouse on board if at all possible.

How is the communication in your house? Can the two of you have a decent conversation? If so, sit down and talk about the issues in your marriage.

But follow these rules if you do:

1.) Be willing to offer more than you ask for, and offer it first.
2.) Be more concerned about saving the marriage than getting even or winning arguments.
3.) Stay calm, do not raise your voice, come to the table with pen and paper ready to write down ways for YOU to improve.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Looks hard, doesn't it? We all want to "win", say what we want to say and get "even". But when it comes to how to save my marriage, winning the battle means losing the war.

Do you like being told you are wrong? No, neither do I. It helps if someone allows us to discover that on our own.

Some marriage problems are centered around a wife who cannot cook or a husband that will not take the trash out without being told. Please; those issues are easy to solve.

If ever there was love in your lives it was probably because you were each willing to overlook certain shortcomings - and we all have them, just different ones - and love the other person unconditionally. Or so we told ourselves and each other.

The best marriages are those where each spouse seeks to make the other's life better, not their own. Problems arise when we think we are trying harder than our spouse, but really, marriages work out better if we do not try to keep score.

If you are not willing to do this, then maybe having a successful marriage will be outside your reach, it is not for everyone.

But if you have noticed, worrying about only yourself has negative ramifications outside the home also. Those people who have friends, are happy and highly regarded are likely those doing something for someone else.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Years in marriage will lead to conflicts. Couples will start to find their partner as their source of stress because after long years of being at the same roof, the spark may start to disappear. During times like these, do not let go of each other, rather seek for necessary marriage advice. Understand that there are many reasons behind a disturbed marriage like alcohol abuse, major life changes, complexity in handling children, unfaithful partners, financial crisis, and problems with fertility. Furthermore, marital relationships might be shattered by broken trust, absence of sex, infidelity, boredom, lack of appreciation, addictive behavior, poor communication, emotional abuse, and no affection. By the time when these problems arise, it is important to start looking for solutions.

It is actually beneficial that you were able to find something wrong with your married life because recognizing the problem is the first step in solving it. Marriage advice must not just revolve around the way to save a marriage, but this should look for solutions as well. Look at the problems and start to obtain those qualities that will make it possible for you to save your marriage and finally stop the divorce. There is always a hope for couples, do not give up the fight too soon. After all, divorce is not always the solution once problems start hitting the once peaceful marriage.

Most of the time, psychiatrists who give the necessary marriage advice would ask the couple to give up their ego and make the initiative to resolve the problems. The necessary self-assessment is very important step because this will put you into the shoes of your partner. You will start to comprehend how hard your ways are and how high your expectations were. This will even help you to stop doing things that can cause harms to your partner.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Seeking marriage advice will give you the possibility to have the promising options to save your marriage before it can lead to divorce. If ever you desire to have a good partner, remember that you should also be a good partner yourself. Listen to your partner and be sure to understand him every step of the way. Your partner should also do the same to you. Marriage is a give and take relationship.

Instead of rushing to hate your partner for his incompetency, look for the necessary marriage advice for you to find the ways on how to save your marriage. Listen to one anothers opinion if conflict rises to the scene. Talk instead of arguing. Be calm when a problem arises. Understand that your partner is actually the help you need and shouting at him will only worsen what you are going through.

Your partner must be your ally and not your foe. Proper communication is needed for creating healthy relationships. Always share problems and feelings to your partner because this will lead both of you to become closer again. Just try these tricks before it is too late. Do not opt for divorce right ahead.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.