My Husband Yells At Me In Public: How To Stop My Husband From Yelling At Me

If there is one thing that is hard about understanding men, it's that we can get quite heated when we are arguing. In fact, we can get so heated that we are worse than women during their PMS stages. It's not pleasant and although we don't want to do it, sometimes we just lose it and unfortunately, come too close to physically abusing the woman. Since we want to avoid this, I'm going to teach you a little something about metacognition and how this can prevent your man from getting into a heated argument with you.

1. Metacognition Defined

This may be a relatively new term for some women, so I'm going to explain what this means and how it fits into the context of a relationship and arguing.

Metacognition in its most basic forms basically means, "thinking about thinking". For example, as you're reading the words on the screen right now, what are you thinking about them? Something you might be thinking about is, "this concept of metacognition sounds pretty crazy to me."

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2. How To Practice Metacognition

When you argue, it's usually emotion-based. If you want to stop yourself from getting too deeply into an argument where you start yelling at each other, try listening to what you say and think about it.

This is particularly difficult when you're in an argument. You have to have your wits about you and make sure that you don't lose your train of thought, but if you try to imagine that you're watching yourself arguing, this will help you dissociate yourself from what you say.

3. Diffusing the Pressure

Instead of getting carried away when you're arguing, make your sole purpose to try and diffuse the argument. Calm down and don't get carried away by your emotions.

By putting your emotions out there and simply telling your man, "I am feeling sad/angry/disappointed" but in an even, measured tone, you can make him start talking to you in the same way without raising his voice. You can fix the problem and there isn't as high a chance for anyone to get hurt.

If you want to get better at understanding men, realize that we always mirror how you speak to us. If you yell at us, this is like giving us permission to yell at you. Don't get emotional because we'll try and beat your emotional levels. If you speak to us in a measured tone and think about what you're saying logically, we'll do the same. This way, we both sort out our problems, nobody gets hurt and we still love each other afterwards.

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Are you in a marriage or long term partnership that feels like it has become boring?

The giddiness from falling in love made you feel like you are floating on a cloud of permanent happiness but after a couple of kids you may feel like the glow has gone as you look at your partner over the breakfast table and wonder what happened to that guy who was once so attentive and could not take his eyes off you. Now his newspaper seems to be far more interesting than looking at you.

Seems like you are in a rut and are going to need a relationship pick me up to get things moving again. You may be worried that if things stay the way they are with your husband he will start looking elsewhere.

It is so easy to let things slide in a relationship where you both begin to take each other for granted and miss the signals that either of you has become dissatisfied. Your husband goes to work while you may be raising young children and the routine you have gotten into has no special time for just the two of you.

That loving high that you both used to be on has almost gone only to be replaced by mediocrity so it is time to change the record and remember why you ever got together in the first place. Back then things would have been new and exciting and just seeing each other would have made you both feel you were the luckiest two people in the world because you were so much in love.

The danger of the situation you are in is that both of you may never make the move to change things. Resentment may grow and before you know it you are heading for divorce. If you are thinking that this is where your relationship is at right now and you want to stay married there is a lot you can do.

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When your guy next comes home from work instead of the normal race to get the kids to bed and crash on the sofa surprise him with a new you. Get a babysitter for one night and prepare a night of seduction. Your husband will not know what has hit him when he walks into a candlelit room with soft music and a wife that is dressed for success. Have a nice dinner together and if you can make this night happen at least once a week you are on your way to finding that closeness that has been missing for a while.

It is so important for you as a couple to spend time together without the kids and the craziness of life. It will give you both something to look forward to and remind you what made you both want to be together for the rest of your lives.

Your man loves to be admired it is ingrained into his make up. If you have not been telling your king how proud you are of him then chances are he will be drawn to the new attractive woman at his work that hangs on his every word. Guys like to feel they are king of their castle and if you are not making him feel that he is important to you he may stray.

On the other side of the coin as women we love to be appreciated so if your guy seems oblivious to how much work you put into raising the kids and keeping the family home well serviced you are going to get fed up. You may not stray but after a time he may find a note on the table saying you have taken the kids and gone.

You may read this article and think why should I make all the effort when my husband is so preoccupied with his work and other things. My answer to that is someone has to address the problem and if you can start the ball rolling I believe your husband will be more than happy to follow on.

You want this marriage to work and not end up another statistic in the world of failed marriages. If you truly love your husband and want the marriage to be successful never be afraid to initiate changes. Your husband will probably love you for it, as he may have not known what to do about the situation. Too often a husband admits to an affair because he still loves his wife but had felt she was no longer interested in him. If either of the couple had seen the warning signs and moved on them it probably could have been avoided. In this case the affair was a reaction to the lack of communication between the husband and wife and an unwillingness to talk things through.

Save your marriage before it reaches the point of no return. If you feel that things are not going well talk to your husband and try to work things out. Complacency in any relationship is usually rewarded with its sad ending.

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The other day I talked with a couple who both said that they were controlling. They described that as a natural outcome of their Type A personalities. When I asked them what they meant by controlling they were referring to being insistent on having their way. It is no wonder that they were locked in a struggle with each other because having his/her way became more important than what was good for their relationship.

When rekindling a relationship it is useful to look at how control is handled in the relationship. In healthy relationships couples do not control each other however they are in control of themselves. They are able to say what they will accept and what not. They are clear about where their lines are in their relationship. They are able to trust each other because each has been honest as to where he/she stands on commitment and other issues.

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Controlling that is based on insisting on having things your way erodes a relationship. That kind of control is followed by consequences. If you don't do what I want I may follow it up with name calling, silent treatments, revenge, snooping, incessant text messaging, withholding financial support, threats etc. Control in order to have ones way destroys trust and love. Another way that control shows up in relationships is when one person has become addicted to a substance. Then the substance is in control and all are affected by its power.

Fortunately the couple who said they were controlling recognized that they were stuck in behavior patterns that were driving them apart and destroying their love for each other. They had trouble differentiating healthy control (being in charge of self) from unhealthy control(insisting that the other do what you say). By focusing on being in charge of self they were open to learning effective communication skills and put energy into rekindling their relationship.

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Can the Bible help me in my marriage? Yes. Yes. Yes.

The Bible has a lot to say about marriage and how to stay connected to your spouse. If you read it and apply the principles it will help you to develop a stronger marriage. The first marriage was Adam to Eve and there are many truths outlined in Genesis chapters 1 - 3 that can help us.

Here are some principles outlined in the Scriptures;

1) In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth - married people need to start their relationship realizing that God created the heavens and the earth. He developed the concept of marriage for man to participate in. As a married man this concept helps me to realize that I was not created without some help.

2) God made man (Adam) in his own image - On the 6th day, after creating all the animals God made man. He gave man a soul and created him in His own image and likeness. I take this to mean that I am not just some piece of junk which happened to wake up on earth by accident but I am the result of an intentional thought.

3) God showed Adam all of creation and showed him that there was nothing created quite like him - Adam's job was to rule the planet. God brought every animal before him so that he could name the animals. This exercise showed Adam that even though other animals had male and female companions, there was none suitable for him. When I look at my wife I realize that she is more suitable for me at this time in my life than any other woman.

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4) God fashioned (made) woman by hand - Women were made especially by God to be pleasing to men. This does not mean that a woman's only function is to please a man; what it does mean is that women are designed to be physically and emotionally attractive to men.

5) God brought Eve to Adam - When God finished making Eve He took her to Adam. Adam was blow away. To say that Eve was a fine woman to him would be an understatement; Adam knew she was for him because God gave her to him. In marriage it is always best if God brings you the person He wants you to be with instead of picking someone on your own. I am thankful I didn't pick my wife. We come from two different worlds and should have never met.

6) Adam recognized his good thing - A man who truly finds a good woman will know it. She is the greatest reward for all of his earthly problems. A good woman is not only hard to find but brings her husband value beyond measure. That has been my case.

God wants men and women who desire to be married to be happy with each other and for their union.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.


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