My Husband Refuses To Sleep With Me: Reasons For Husband Not Sleeping With Wife - I Want My Husband To Want Me

My Husband Refuses To Sleep With Me: Reasons For Husband Not Sleeping With Wife - I Want My Husband To Want Me

While it may once have been taboo to speak about more and more men and women are looking for sexless marriage help when their marriage becomes cold and lifeless in the bedroom. In fact is has become quite a topic of hot debate with books such as "The Sex Diaries - Why Women go off Sex & Other Bedroom Battles" hitting bookstore shelves which has drawn heavy criticism for being so one sided in bias of men and derogatory of women but has also managed to elicit many comments on how true it is from men and women alike.

Clearly this is a controversial and loaded issue that should not be treated lightly especially when words such as marital rape, depression, and of course divorce rear their ugly head but such charged emotions show a clear disconnect in how we see this phenomenon of sexless marriage and how you can solve it.

To take an impartial view on the causes and solutions to a sexless marriage I should clearly state that I am male but have talked to many women about such an issue as well as many guys online and in person to draw the conclusions I have. I hope to be unbiased in this issue to encourage similar responses rather than rabid tribalism from various groups who seem to comment on this issue.

Causes of a Sexless Marriage

This is probably much harder to talk about than the solutions to a sexless marriage! The reasons can be so varied and so detailed and so specific to a particular marriage as to make generalizing the issue alienating to many and insulting to others but I will try to cover as many bases as possible.

The reasons that one partner in a marriage may become disinterested in sexual activities can be physical but much more commonly is emotional or psychological if you will. Even then some physical problems such as male impotence that seem physical may have psychological problems at their root too confusing the issue more. If the reason is physical and you do not know exactly what it is then it may manifest itself as rejection of sex rather than talking about the problem. More on communication about this issue later though however the other physical problem many refer to is simply that one partner has a LOW sex drive while the other has a much HIGHER sex drive which I personally believe is only half true seeing many couples who have worked through this have suddenly found their sex drive again or have found a midway point which lead to my next point.

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The emotional issues more often than not are the real bugbears in a sexless marriage though when issues within a marriage or external influences or even emotional problems within your partners mind resurface. This is where the huge variety comes in so excuse me if I list a few in point form that seem to be common:

* Resentment over household duties

* Resentment over past arguments

* Resentment over past actions

* Resentment for any deeply buried issue that has not been solved!

* Depression

* Severe body image issues with themselves

* Body image issues with their partner

* Sheer exhaustion mentally and physically (Children and work as main culprits for both men and women)

* Sexual abuse (recent or past)

* Boredom!

I could go on but as you can see some are of extreme concern whereas others can seem almost trivial or petty. In many of these cases however there is still a lot of love and compassion within the marriage until things drift too far for sexless marriage help to be able to solve anything.

Sexless Marriage Help & Solutions

With such a wide variety of problems in a sexless marriage many husbands and wives may despair as to what they can do. There are two schools of thought on this which may be applicable to different couples' sexless marriage situations. One school of thought is that communication is paramount and that talking through the issues carefully to then finding mutual solutions to the problems is the answer. The other, is that communication problems may be one of the issues at work here and personal action to increase attraction by your own efforts is the way to excite your spouse more.

Both have their good and bad points and a lot depends on what the root causes of this lack of intimacy in your marriage are.

Communication in a Sexless Marriage

I am a great believer in good communication within a marriage but I must also admit that in many cases I have heard of the partner who wishes to initiate sex but has been rejected many times by their spouse often try to do this but are rebuffed angrily and are at a loss of what to do next. Others though think that this hardly deserves to be an issue as a marriage should be about regular sex and take rejection as an insult. To those men or women I have to say you NEED to start communicating not just groping and hoping then acting hurt. If you wish to broach this subject with your spouse then you need to do one thing first and this is the most important thing you will ever know in this regard.

Make your conversation about them and their wishing, feelings and problems! Never make it all about YOUR wishes and feelings though they are valid.

This is because a person who feels harassed for sex only thinks you are trying to TAKE from them for self satisfaction and when you whine or complain or make it about you the same needy vibe is cast. This can be unfair because the hurt and shame of being rejected by your spouse can leave a serious mark on your self esteem but if you want a solution putting this aside is vital.

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Once you do this you can start making headway in finding out why they are so withdrawn and cold physically if you promote an atmosphere where you are not casting blame and are willing to truly listen because good communication is 90% listening not talking! Some problems can only be navigated once you know the full extent of them especially when it stems from something external or that is not directly related to your relationship.

Action in a Sexless Marriage

While you may not be GETTING much action you can take action on this issue as well. The majority of sexless marriage end up that way because of a certain loss of attraction if not always a loss of love. We are never the same people as we once were when the relationship was new and the sex was wild and exciting, we change and we grow and evolve as people and it must be said we also change physically with age and sometimes simply with comfort levels in a stable marriage. People who drift apart emotionally also drift apart physically and couples who forget what it is to BE sexy for their partners also lose the excitement that once spurred on lovemaking.

Being sexy is something that generates sexual reciprocation and what is sexy differs between men and women and also is based on personal taste. Some men feel that a bit of extra grooming and a single romantic night out may help and be right while others find this does nothing because years of neglect of these things has left it's mark. Others try this and completely miss the point because their wife really wants support and respect more than anything and the same is true with the genders reversed.

What this means is that the wrong actions can have no effect or even worse have more negative consequences while the right actions can slowly bring passion and lust back into your sexless marriage. The best advice I can give is that if you want to change things in your relationship without psychoanalyzing every detail with your partner is to start small but on all fronts where you think they may be disgruntled. From your own appearance to the way your treat them on a daily basis and for the love of god do not BOAST about all the good things you are doing or you run the risk of sounding like that needy person who wishes to take and manipulate to get sex which becomes an instant turn off. IF you do hit upon something that elicits some form of extra intimacy no matter how small you should be looking at what that is and continue doing things like that or similar!

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If you are like millions of other couples, then odds are you are working on how to restore a marriage. Just because over 40 percent of all marriages end in divorce doesn't mean that you'll never know how to restore a marriage. It just means that you should strive to be more like the 60 percent of married couples that make it. To help facilitate that, I wrote this article that gives you 5 tips on how to restore a marriage.

How To Restore A Marriage Tip #1

Odds are you and your spouse have been arguing a lot. Well, make the most of these arguments. The next time you and your spouse have a shouting match, just before the make up whoopee (if you still do that), tell your spouse "Hey, you are the only person I've ever let talk to me like that. That's just how amazing you are."

How To Restore A Marriage Tip #2

Remember, people are people and we are all fatally flawed individuals. You and your spouse are no different. The only cool thing is, you are used to each other. So just remember, the next time you think about leaving your spouse the next person may be fun at first, but eventually you will grow tired of them too. So is it really worth leaving your spouse? I doubt it.

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How To Restore A Marriage Tip #3

Take up a new hobby together, preferably a cool one. For example, learn a new sport together or even better go to dance classes together. The trick here is to learn something fun together where both of you are no good at and you can laugh at each other in the process. It will be like it was when you first met. After a fun afternoon of learning a new sport together, odds are you'll end up having a fun conversation over dinner, which could lead to some fun intimate encounters.

How To Restore A Marriage Tip #4

Go to bed together, even if you don't want to. What this does is tells you and your spouse that at the end of the day, you are still together and you still have each other. There's a good reason why king size beds are made. Put them to good use.

How To Restore A Marriage Tip #5

Prevent using the word divorce all together. Don't even allow that dirty word to enter your vocabulary. Leave that option off the table. Divorce is a sign of quitting, and you are not a quitter. So don't even think about using the word divorce.

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If you had known what to look for would you have seen the signs of a bad marriage from the start of your relationship? Would you like to know what psychologists have found out about the patterns in our relationships? I know it helped me when I was trying to get a handle on my own marriage problems and to figure out what the signs of a bad marriage were.

Of course you may have heard the saying "we marry our mother or father." And if you're like most people it makes you cringe to hear it. But this is what's going on: our earliest relationships form a kind of model, a template, of how we interact with people, and especially in our closest relationships, particularly marriage.

It makes sense if you think about it: we start off with a clean slate, and first impressions are the strongest and hardest to erase.

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What's this got do with my marriage, you ask? Just about everything. Whether you're aware of it or not, there are connections, patterns really, to your marriage that in some way reflects your parents' relationship. Now I wouldn't blame you if you were skeptical, but just let your thoughts go back to your childhood and recall what you witnessed between your mom and dad.How did they manage fights and disagreements? Did they break up, did they patch things up, did they each go through the motions of a marriage without any real connection?

Getting a sense of what you bring into the marriage is even more important if you've had more than one relationship fall apart on you. You have to make yourself aware of how you inadvertently engage in self defeating behaviors. Like being a victim, or thinking you're not worth a good relationship. Until you do you're going to be doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes, whether with your partner or a different one.

If you're looking for a simple way to know the signs of a bad marriage, this probably isn't it. But then again, a bad marriage can be so frustrating and so discouraging that it might just be worth it to you to understand things at a deeper level so that you could fix things once and for all and move forward with your life.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

Click here to save your marriage and rebuild it into a more connected, satisfying relationship.