My Husband Prefers His Friends Over Me: My Husband Puts His Friends Before Me

At times relationships that we thought were steady and strong can also break without any prior notice. Perhaps you are facing a situation right now where you suddenly find that your marriage has hit rock bottom. You are wondering how to get close to your spouse again, and what your chances are to succeed.

The first step is to think in retrospect about the time you shared with your spouse. Were there too many differences of opinion? Were there problems staring at your face which you chose to ignore?

Think even deeper and find out what changes have taken place in your attitudes and behaviors since the time both of you got married. Are you still as sensitive to your spouse's needs as you were in the initial stages of the marriage? Or do you take him or her for granted. If you have a casual approach to your marriage, perhaps this has caused the resentment that has snowballed into some irreparable cracks in the relationship.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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If you can pinpoint the problem, you need to act fast towards solving it. Start paying attention to your spouse and attend to his or her need. Every body likes extra attention and soon things might start to look brighter.

Your efforts could include making various small and big efforts to make your spouse feel special. Starting from cooking his or her favorite meal to planning romantic evenings together - you could be as creative as you can to bring back that lost sparkle in the marriage.

Even when the marriage has turned sour and things are not looking the way it should, it can be said with conviction that sincere efforts to save the relationship never really goes waste. Everyone needs love, care and attention. If this is missing, there is no harm in rekindling the romance once again to get close to your spouse again.

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Many people want to save their marriage but don't know what to do about it. The trick is to pull it together. Marriage is not a game. It is to do with your life, with your happiness and with your future. How can you just sit and watch it breaking up? Can you do something about it? Yes you can. You can pull it together to help save marriage.

1) Think calmly about it: Think about what has gone wrong. Has anything gone wrong at all? Or have you been blowing up something trivial? If something has gone wrong seriously, think whether you can do anything about it. Many problems can be sorted out by a candid talk between the people concerned.

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2) Look at the big picture: Life is not based on everyday trivialities but on things happening over a long term. How are you likely to view today's problem five years from now? You can visualize this by recalling some of the problems you had in the past. What do you think of them now? When you recall some of the problems of the past, you may feel that you have overblown them in the past.

This is an indication that what appeared a big problem in the past was not really big. Will the present problem also look trivial, when you look back sometime in the future? If the answer is yes, then have the courage to change your perspective about the problem. This in turn will lead you to pull it together and help save marriage.

3) See it from the perspective of others: Trying to think from the point of view of your partner will reveal something deeper about the issue, a point about which you have been unaware all along. Also look at the problem as a third person will. The third person perspective makes you feel that you can make some adjustments and resolve the issue.

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Most times we wish that the partners we choose to spend our lives with will get on amicably with our family and friends. We hope that if our family loves us then naturally they should love our choice of partner. Sometimes this is the case, most times it isn't. When the two people we love find it hard to get along our lives become a misery trying to resolve this issue. Below are some tips on what we need to do to have peace of mind for ourselves and those we love.

Who we are
One of the main reasons why this could happen is because we do not let our families and friends see the real us. This does not have to be a laborious exercise on our part but must happen. It is not about facing a trial before our families to define who we are. A candid discussion on this topic allows us the freedom to do as we wish without the conscience of hurting anyone. If we have told them the type of person we want to spend the rest of our lives with and they still do not wish to accept them then there is very little we can do. In the bible the sister (Miriam) and brother (Aaron) of Moses were upset that he married outside the Children of Israel. They confronted Moses for this and because of his meekness he was unable to respond. God intervened and put a leprous curse on Miriam until they repented for their actions. The thing to remember here is the purpose of this candid discussion with family is for courtesy. We love them and believe that because they love us they want to see the best for us. If however an understanding cannot be reached on this matter then we have to do what is right for us because in the long run we have to live with it.

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Blackmail
Our choice of partner should not be based on a threat from family or friends for not abiding by their rules. However in order for us to have true peace in our actions then our choice must be right before God. If we turn away family or friends for our choices and turn away God then when things go bad, or we hit a rocky patch there is very little anyone can do to help us. If we turn away family and have God on our side then we know we shall overcome whatever difficulties we may face in the relationship by the will of God.

Predicting the outcome
The truth is that none of us knows how any marriage would turn out. We may be able to see the signs at the beginning but we should remember that a prophesy is only partly true until the real thing happens. Sometimes the relationship of those offering advice looks perfect from the outside. However it is difficult to see the differences that lie within. Our choice should be ours to make unless we believe that we are incapable of making this choice for ourselves. It is better to go into a relationship knowing that it is our choice that led us to destruction, than it being that of someone.

Prayer
If we have balanced our thoughts with the three factors under consideration above then the next step is to put it all in prayer. This is not a dispute that requires us to fix by our strengths this is a dispute that requires others to change their perspective. We can only do so much and leave the rest for God to decide. We must have faith that no matter what the outcome of the situation is, God is in control. Prayer is our gift from God to appease our minds and hearts of the difficulties we face. Once we have put things in prayer then we would have faith that the outcome of events is God's work and not ours.

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Loving our spouse is giving them the freedom to be who it is they are. When we love without WANTING anything in return, that is when we have accepted our spouse for being who they are, faults and all.

This of course, doesn't include iniquitous behavior because if anyone is carrying on and regularly doing things in err against spouse or God, they certainly are not being the person they were meant to be. Therefore, this article does not apply to them.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change!

Love is an option; we select the degree of love and what kind of love we will give to our spouse through our actions. Love can sometimes be confusing and misleading, especially if couples are going through trials and tribulations in their marriage and are demanding of one another.

We think that if we could change our spouse, we'll suddenly be happy and contented with our self. We try and change our spouse because we have stopped accepting them for who they are. Therefore, we cannot seem to love them either.

Pretty soon, we begin to place nasty conditions on the love we give to our spouse. If their faults irritate us bad enough we might not give ANY love at all. Sound familiar?

With no love left to give to our spouse, we might think we have nothing in common anymore? Who knows, maybe we begin to think we married the wrong person? Suppose the person we met last week at work is better than our spouse? Pretty soon we have brainwashed our self into believing our feelings.

No wonder more than half of all marriages end in divorce!

How about, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change!

Couples waste so much of their time and energy trying to change each other. But is that really what needs to be done?

Marriage gurus think they have all the answers, and self help books goat and challenge couples to try and change for each other. But most of these people are divorced too! So what gives?

How a bout a little bit of acceptance! It works wonders.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Really, we just need to try and not let those little things bother us. Even some of the bigger things we can detach from. Forgive. Turn the other cheek. Do these things even when you don't want to! Communicate the issue. Let your spouse know what bothers you, but don't make it into a tirade.

Don't scream and yell at them about how bad they are, instead find something positive to say about them. Make them feel good about them self. That's what works!!

What about, "I'll scratch your back, if you scratch mine". This is good in marriage. There is nothing wrong with the "give and take" type rapport with each other. In fact, this is essentially how couples love each other.

No one can ever love unconditionally, without demands, bargains or expectations, never. You know why? Because we're just human, we err, and we have faults.

We need to accept that and move on with our life; hopefully that moving on includes our spouse.

The "give and take" process is a natural occurrence; it is instinctive to do something nice for our spouse because they have done something nice for us. We give and take all day long with most of our interaction in our daily lives; it's part of life.

Most marriages work in this fashion; it is a good way for marriage to flourish and grow. It keeps couples on their toes as far as remembering to "give" of themselves periodically to their spouse EVEN when they don't want to. That is love.

Now, there is a big difference when we put ultimatums on the table. Dishing out ultimatums is more of a "nasty conditional love" and is based on selfish thinking and usually stems from one or both spouses harboring resentment. "I'll love you, only if you will stop going out with your friends", etc.

This is not love, but a selfish person trying to get their way through manipulation and ultimatums!

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Most marriages can be salvaged. We have to stop THINKING we can change our spouse. We really just need to try a little bit harder. Let those things go that we can't do anything about, and stop feeling resentful can make a big impact on the marriage.

Allow your spouse the freedom to just BE. Accept your spouse! Love!

Love is created by a person and not just is. Love takes action to accomplish. The value of the love we give to our spouse is based on how we are feeling at any given moment and time.

If we feel resentment or bitterness towards those we love, we'll inevitably love with resentment and bitterness, which is one way we place nasty conditions on our love.

We don't have to listen to those feelings of bitterness.

"What is generated into our heart comes out in our actions".

Loving someone in the real sense of the word is allowing him or her to be who it is they are. When we learn to play the "give and take" game fairly is when can accept the person we are married to.

Bottom line, accept your spouse for who they are, give to your spouse without wanting anything in return, and it will eventually be given back to you.

This is how to not change your spouse. Acceptance Is LOVE.

Angie Lewis has written five books on how to have a happy marriage. In her books she offers marriage tips, tools, techniques, and wisdom filled answers for you to apply in your marriage. From issues such as adultery, addiction, pornography, emotions, beliefs, forgiveness, communication and submission - it's all here!

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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