My Husband Never Takes Me Out Anywhere: My Husband Never Wants To Go Anywhere

Often in our Coaching Practice we hear both wives and husbands saying things like: "I do still love my spouse, but feel that our life is like being trapped" or "I lost my freedom when entering my relation" or even things like: "...our life is not bad but boring..."

The truth is that there are many things that we could do in order to improve our relation with our spouse, and overcoming the feelings that make several marriages in a non-justified way prematurely end.

The key word here is "together"; please take a moment to think about it. How can you make a marriage work and be fun if each one of the spouses is only having fun alone, or worst, with someone else?

In a relationship, it is always worth to continuously ask yourself certain questions:

When was the last time you went out for a romantic dinner, or just hot dogs and a sweet chat?
Do you hold hands when at the movies?

Can you talk with your partner about something else than money, work and children?

Being romantic has little or nothing to do with expending money; you could make a romantic dinner at home just by adding the touch of candle lights to your everyday meal.

Marriage does not have to be a heavy burden to any of you. You can easily transform it by doing very simple things!

Show your affection. This can be done by doing something as simple as holding hands; loving acts of affection bring trust to your couple, they offer the feeling on intimacy and open barriers that were close before. Nonsexual gestures are powerful and show your spouse how much he/she means to you; a small warm kiss on the cheek, rubbing her/his shoulders, making his/hers special dish, etc. and yes, noticing the new hair style counts too! Make a habit to show your spouse how much you care.

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Let go your emotional baggage. Stop holding your emotions and keeping them inside; try sharing them with your spouse in the best possible way. Many of the couples that come to me for coaching have the same issue: lack of communication. You may have probably heard about this before, but it is truly on top of the agenda on most couples I consult with. Years of keeping inside those small or big uncomfortable feelings, thoughts they never shared for different reasons, attitudes that irritate them but never mentioned, etc... One day they just can not take it anymore and explode over a simple gesture. Why letting things go so far? Learn how to share and how to accept different points of view that make you unique and special. Share your feelings and fears, start talking again about your dreams and goals; again: talking about the kids, bills to pay and fighting does not count.

Just a simple occasional talk.

Have fun with your spouse. Recent studies show the importance of making time to have fun together. This is the second major issue between my clients, they just can not find time to have fun together, but when they look a little bit harder... they normally find extra time for them and their spouses just to have fun and relax!

Sharon Jayson reports in a USA Today article that "research from the University of Denver supports the idea that finding moments to be together free of financial, family or other stresses -- just to have fun together -- is not an indulgence.

"The more you invest in fun and friendship and being there for your partner, the happier the relationship will get over time," says Howard Markman, a psychologist who co-directs the university's Center for Marital and Family Studies.

"The correlation between fun and marital happiness is high, and significant ... Thomas Bradbury, who co-directs the Marriage and Family Development Laboratory and Relationship Institute at the University of California-Los Angeles, believes having fun together can become a self-fulfilling prophecy for couples: "People in happy relationships generate these activities, and as they generate these activities, it keeps their relationship strong and healthy and fresh."

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Sex should not be seen as a marathon. Many couples still believe that if they do not have sexual intercourse everyday their marriage is in trouble. Are you part of them? Of course sex is an important part of a couple's life and must not be underestimated, however, there is not such a thing as the 'ideal' amount of sex during the week to have a healthy marriage, it all depends on many factors, even differs between seasons; what is true is that for every couple this works differently.

Take the time to enjoy and make your spouse feel loved and not just a to-do on your list of daily errands.

Time alone. - to be back together- Have you ever heard or said the phrase "I need some space" ? It does not have to be taken negatively; it just means that you need time for yourself. As you take time to relax from work, school, kids, etc... You also need time to be with yourself and evaluate things from far. Take it as a positive experience and do not feel guilty about it, it might just give you more energy to devote to your love ones later on.

Vanetta Chapman writes in Christianity Today wrote: "One way to avoid that trap of exhaustion is to allow each other some time alone."

I am not talking about taking a month vacation! just an occasional time out for some individual activities such as golf, tennis, a drink with a friend, gardening, etc. may do. Then your appreciation of the time you will spend with your partner will certainly increase.

I could go on and on with many different ideas to renew your marriage, my experience working with couples has given me the tools to bring them out from being stuck in a "boring" marriage into flying in their "happy couple". Take your marriage to the next step; make love a priority and not just a word, if your marriage fails it might bring heavy consequences for you and the rest of your family. You have the power to refresh it, renew it, re-build it!

Remember: quitting is always easier than trying!

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Are you making any of these?

Where do we get our relationships skills? Who teaches us how to have a passionate, loving, committed marriage? Were your parents a good example of how to create an extraordinary relationship? If you didn't have a good role model, who did you learn from?

If you're like most couples today, you are just winging it, and it's not working. There is no plan to make it better, and there is no clear understanding of what your partner needs, nor how they communicate. Maybe you even stopped trying to figure them out because they haven't done much for you lately.

Here's a dose of reality: About 50% of first marriages end in divorce, over 60% of second marriages, and over 70% of third marriages all end in divorce. Why? You already know the answer.

So, marriage sucks, and now people want to just live together. Here's an interesting fact: Within the first 5 years, 45% of live-in couples have gone their separate ways. So much for the idea of just living together in loving bliss, because that's not working either.

The hard truth is that most couples don't know how to make a relationship thrive. Based on my relationship repair work over the last several years, here are the

3 Little Mistakes That Mess Up Any Marriage:

1. Showing Little Appreciation- It's very clear that men feel unappreciated by their women. It is by far their largest complaint. They feel unrecognized for all the hard work that they do to provide for the family and it builds into a grumbling resentment over time. When men feel unappreciated, it becomes much easier for their attention to go where they are appreciated.

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Women also feel unappreciated, but it's different. Most women feel that they struggle for attention from their partner which is an aspect of appreciation. When they are communicating to their man, and he is distracted by watching TV, on the computer, or working on something, and not paying full attention it reduces trust and respect. When trust and respect start to disappear, attraction is reduced.

2. Misunderstanding Communication -Men and women have different communication styles, and it leads to challenges. Men typically communicate in short direct ways, while women weave in more details and longer flowing volumes of communication. Men can have a short attentions span and be asking themselves "what's the point?", when listening to their women talk about something on her mind. While women know they have a point that they are getting across perfectly clearly. Unfortunately they are not talking to another woman who would normally get it. So men get frustrated particularly because they want to fix everything, (huge mistake) and pay less attention, which leads to a loss of attraction, trust and respect.

3. Assuming Bad Intentions- Everyone makes mistakes, but the real challenges come when one partner believes that the other did something wrong intentionally. For example: "I'm working my ass off and she only cares that there is money for her to spend, she doesn't care about me.". or "I've seen the way he looks at other women, he doesn't care about me". I had a situation recently where a woman called her husband "lazy". He didn't take it particularly well understandably, but when we dug into the real reason for the comment, it had nothing to do with him. It was just a comment that came from frustration about something else. When we assume that a partner intended to hurt us, or doesn't care, or is not interested, it often leads to bitterness and resentment.

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What men want in a woman is someone who is a calculative schemer. I might be making women sound like they've evil, but by the end of this article, you will see why it's actually beneficial to your marriage that you "trick" your man into feeling certain ways and to being sneaky in getting what you want. Women are often the ones who are better at controlling the emotions of a man because they know that if they are angry at a man, they have complete control of him. Of course, there is a fine line between being manipulative and making the most out of your emotions for the improvement of the relationship as a whole. I'll show you how my wife's being doing the latter.

1. Crying

This is the oldest trick in the book but my wife still uses it on me from time to time just to get my attention. I've been with her long enough to know whether she's crying for real or just pretending, but I find it hard to ignore her either way.

If she's pretending, then she's just messing with me and the problem isn't that serious. If she's crying for real, then I know that I have to be more serious about how I treat her. We work through everything either way.

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2. "Go Away"

This is another tip that is even more powerful than crying. By telling me to go away, especially when she's annoyed at me, she distances herself from me even before I decide whether I want to leave or not.

She calls the shots by telling me to leave and that makes me work harder to earn back her trust or respect. Of course, she doesn't do this all the time. She only does it if she's genuinely mad at me.

3. The Cold Shoulder

This is the grand daddy of manipulative techniques. When the woman does this to you, you know that something is wrong. The only problem is that you often don't know if the problem is related to you or something out of your control.

That's why this technique annoys me. My wife has used it on me and generally, I know whether I'm the person who triggered it or not, but either way, there's nothing I can do about it.

What men want in a woman is someone who knows how to be manipulative and scheming. This person is clever and knows how to control the emotions of her man for the good of the relationship. If she does it simply to get what she wants, she might as well sign the divorce papers while she's at it.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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As an Army Veteran who has been to Iraq I am very familiar with the concept of military strongholds. In fact, while I was deployed I lived in a Forward Operating Base (FOB) which is essentially a modern day stronghold. And while the technology and tactics of war have changed significantly in the last few thousand years, strongholds still serve the same basic purpose.

A stronghold is simply a fortified location that the occupying military force can use to exert influence over the surrounding area. For instance, the FOB I was stationed at was surrounded by concrete walls and guard towers manned by Soldiers with automatic weapons and radios. This made it a relatively safe place for our troops to rest, get food, resupply, get medical attention and all kinds of other important things in between patrols.

Each day, these patrols would go out and exert influence on the area by seizing weapons caches, capturing terrorist leaders, and take out terrorist cells. They would then return to the FOB and get ready to do it all again the next day.

What is a Spiritual Stronghold?

A spiritual stronghold serves a similar purpose. I would define a spiritual stronghold as a strong place in your soul that demonic forces can use to influence your thoughts and actions.

Please be aware that this is an analogy. In other words, there isn't some little fortress in your soul where an army of demons live. Demons can't take residence in your soul, especially if you are a Christian. They also can not force you to do anything. "The Devil made me do it" is not a valid defense. If you sin, it is because you made the decision.

What they can do is lie to you and tempt you. And using spiritual strongholds is probably one of the most effective ways they have of getting you to do what they want.

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How Spiritual Strongholds are Built

Spiritual strongholds are built out of lies. Ever since you were born, the enemy has been working to get you to believe false things about yourself, God, and the world around you. These lies fly in the face of God's truth, and when you make decisions based on these false beliefs rather than God's truth you are acting contrary to God's perfect design for your life.

As an example, lets say you have a stronghold built around the concept of self hatred. There are a lot of little lies that feed this stronghold. You're stupid. You're ugly. You're worthless. Nobody loves you. Nobody would notice if you were gone...

These lies are built up slowly over time. They can come from frustrated parents and teachers. Peers at school. Report cards. Perfect looking girls in magazines and TV. You are bombarded with them day in and day out. And the more you believe the lies, the more you act according to them. You dress sloppily. You don't apply yourself at school or work. These lies become self fulfilling prophecies and you get trapped in a viscous downward spiral.

How Spiritual Strongholds Effect Marriages

I think you can see by now how these fortresses of lies can impact every area of your life, including your marriage. You say something hurtful to your spouse during an argument at the devil points a finger and says: "What a stupid thing to say, you really are worthless. How could she love you?"

And the stronghold gets stronger. If this is not dealt with, you will make more decisions based on these lies rather than on God's truth. You will make decisions that will hurt your spouse and could very well destroy your marriage.

How to Tear Down Spiritual Strongholds

If this sounds like a bunch of doom and gloom up to this point, don't worry. Jesus came to set us free from the power of sin and death. We can be free of the power of these strongholds thanks to the sacrifice that Jesus made on the cross.

If strongholds are built of lies and the sinful behavior that reinforces these lies, then they can be destroyed by confronting the lies with God's truth and repenting of those sins. You are not ugly and stupid. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, created in God's image, a reflection of His glory. Start acting like a beautiful, intelligent child of God.

Expose your mind to God's Word. Start proclaiming the truth of how He sees you over yourself. Act as if it is true. If you've never given you life to God through faith in the Jesus, do it. It is a requirement if you want to experience the freedom that God promises. Jesus purchased your freedom with His death, and you can access that freedom by receiving His gift.

Now Listen Carefully-

Take 2 minutes to visit the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. Yes, you can indeed save your marriage no matter how hopeless the situation seems. Take the right step now and live to enjoy a blissful marriage. I strongly urge you to visit the next page- Click Here


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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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