My Husband Is Withdrawing From Me: Emotional Withdrawal In Marriage - Husband Withdraws Affection

Many couples who seek out relationship help and marriage advice have fallen into a relationship rut-in other words, they feel stuck. And when you and your spouse/partner are locked in cycles of conflict, you probably assume you have nothing in common-especially during those times when your husband seems to shutdown emotionally and withdraw from you.

However, the likelihood is that you and your mate share common threads in all that fighting-those commonalities are just going unrecognized. You might be surprised to discover that when it feels like you and your spouse/partner are miles apart on a particular issue, you actually have very similar goals.

Meet Jennifer and Eric: immersed in marital conflict

Jennifer's perspective of a relationship problem:

When Jennifer contacted me for relationship help and marriage advice, she was at her wits' end. During our marriage counseling session she described feeling "punished" by what she perceived as Eric's unwillingness to deal with important relationship issues.

As she described, "Eric runs away from things. He'd rather put his head in the sand than face reality..."

Eric's perspective:

Eric appeared tired and barely present during our first meeting. According to Eric, Jennifer was like a boxer on the offensive, shadowing his every move, and just waiting for the right opportunity to pounce.

As he described, "Jennifer is constantly on my back for every little thing. I just don't want to hear it anymore, so I retreat. I'm tired of the nagging..."

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Like most couples entangled in conflict, Jennifer and Eric appear miles apart.

But they are actually struggling with similar emotional reactions. For instance, each described feeling:

Frustrated;
Angry;
Misunderstood;
And emotionally overwhelmed.

Here are a few other commonalities between them, even during times of conflict: They were both motivated to stop arguing, and, despite their misunderstandings, Jennifer and Eric continued to hold similar relationship goals; each described a desire to have a harmonious, loving marriage and to enjoy one another like they've done in the past.

Couples often overlook the fact that they have common goals, especially when marital and relationship problems are outweighing the positives.

The seeds of ongoing conflict

If the possibility exists that during relationship upheavals you and your spouse/partner will experience similar emotional reactions (that you'd both rather not be having) and continue to hold the same marital or relationship goals, then what is it that prevents an end to incessant conflict?

You and your spouse/partner may have different conflict-styles (different ways of handling stress). And it is these differences that can fuel conflict, even when you both want a positive outcome.

Jennifer's style of handling stress/conflict:

Her goal-need during times of stress and conflict is to remain engaged and connected with Eric in order to resolve the upheavals and reach a harmonious outcome. So she pursues Eric.

Eric's style of handling stress/conflict:

Eric's goal-need during times of stress and conflict is to disengage from what he perceives as the source of his distress (Jennifer) in order to emotionally regroup and ultimately reach a harmonious outcome. So he withdraws from Jennifer.

Both Eric and Jennifer are trying to feel better (reduce the distress of conflict) and improve the situation the best they know how.

When the solution becomes the problem

These coping (stylistic) differences can be summarized as follows:

~Jennifer's connection-need is heightened when she feels distressed;

~Eric's solitude-need is heightened when he feels distressed.

Jennifer's solution (perceived as "nagging" by Eric in those moments) and Eric's solution (perceived as "running away" by Jennifer in those moments) are on opposite ends of the coping spectrum, yet they're both designed to turn a troubling situation around (to end conflict and restore peace).

Which coping-style do you and your partner use during times of stress or conflict?

You and your spouse/partner can gain a healthier perspective and feel more empathic to each other's differences when you realize that your partner's approach is designed to bring about the same end result that you're hoping for.

Pay Close Attention Here-

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The ability to save your marriage when some devastating event has occurred can often be difficult to manage because of the amount of stress which often acccompanies such events . This is particularly so when the relationship prior to the event was already on shaky ground.

Life often appears to throw us a curved ball -- and events that we have little control over pile up and get on top of us. These events may include the death of a family member or close friend, yours or your spouses ill health, or maybe the loss of a job or other treasured position. These circumstances may often manifest themselves as mild or severe stress or even depression. It is vitally important that couples who want to keep their relationship together need to (1) communicate their feelings to each other and (2) seek professional advice or help.

Saving a marriage is not just a simple matter of both spouses just merely agreeing with each other to make positive changes in their approach to their relationship -- they must actively participate in doing so.

Men and women behave quite differently when confronted by negative occurrences -- men tend to suppress their feelings while women, more often than not, tend to more openly display theirs and want to talk about their concerns. The lesson from this is that you should not expect your spouse to behave in the same way to a given situation as you would.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

If you are intent on saving your marriage when grief has negatively impacted on your relationship then this is most definitely a situation where the involvement of a counselor is called for.

We have had many years experience of dealing with troubled marriages and 9 times out of ten most relationship difficulties are caused by minor matters that have grown out of all proportion. Sometimes this is as a result of stubbornness on the part of one party who is reluctant to make changes in attitude or approach. However the fact that unattended minor issues can grow into more serious issues should never be discounted.

There are some simple changes that can be made to improve marital relationships and to bring back the good times, for example:

*Open up to your spouse and let them know how you feel about your relationship and the problem areas in your marriage. Always make sure that you communicate in such a way that it doesn't cause offence or resentment. Listen to your spouses point of view, make compromises if necessary and then both commit to the changes.

*Make an effort to expand your relationships with others and cultivate deeper relationships with your existing friends. Involvement with other people can have a marvelous therapeutic effect on your well being.

*Try to see joy in everything you do, laugh and joke with your spouse and ensure that you spend lots of private time together.

*Make a real effort to increase the intimacy in your marriage. Intimacy includes not only sex but also touching, sitting closely together and telling your partner on frequent occasions of your love for them.

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

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Mohamed had been married to Marianne for 8 years, together for 16. She's the only person he shared a long-term relationship with, and he simply loves her from the core of his heart. But what kept him up at night was the fact that he had lost interest in her and kept thinking about being with other women. He hadn't cheated on her and wasn't planning too, but he often wondered what it would be like to be with someone else? did he make the wrong choice? It broke his heart just thinking about how hurt she would be to find out that he felt bored in her company, with her same stories and their physical intimacy.

They had been together for 16 years and he couldn't imagine his life without her, but he no longer felt any excitement for her, he was sick and tired with the same routine, their sex life and the way they were relating on a day to day basis.

The problem was he did nothing.

He was too scared to bring it up because Marianne was very sensitive and had a lot on with the children, so he stayed silent. Suffering in his own doubts, pain and became depressed.

He felt stuck in limbo. Sometimes thinking it was best to leave, questioning why he was staying in the marriage when the love and passion was dead.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Then other times he would tell himself that he should be grateful with what he has got, beautiful children, caring wife, good mother and he should just be happy.

Plus he just couldn't imagine what would happen to her and his relationship to the children if he left.

So he did the worse thing possible...

Started to believe that married life was like this, That he needed to accept being miserable, bored and wait it out. Wait it out either until something changed, the children grew up or forever

He accepted that being miserable or bored was something he had to put up with

He lived in this turmoil for many years...

The constant flip flopping back and forth was draining and started to affect his happiness.

He would tell himself "LIFE IS TOO SHORT" "YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE" - yet that use to just confused him even more and made him feel more depressed did that mean he should stay or go?

Through working together he realized that was he was longing for and missing is not something you just get...

You don't get excitement, passion, desire, interest. It's something you create.

He then began creating a plan of what he could do to change things, marriage counseling was what he started with because he wanted to gain an experts opinion on what actions he could take and they could take to save the marriage.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

I am sharing this with you as from time to time we can all get thoughts that say...

Why am I in this relationship?

What am I doing here?

Is this right for me?

Shall I stay in it?

Let me tell you, this is natural and normal to question a relationship - we all do it. However if it has become constant, is affecting your relationship, happiness, health, work, life, then you have to take control of your thoughts and your married life and replace them with new empowering thoughts and actions.
If you want to be happy in your marriage

ACT

either alone or with your spouse.
Personally I think losing interest and boredom is a sad and poor excuse for a marriage to end.
It's a cop out. If you haven't worked on it with your spouse and took action.

Boredom is something a person can choose and therefore has the power to change. There are literally thousands of ways to create more spice in your life and marriage... so many wonderful things that you can do to ensure that passion increases.

Take action and know that support is available, sometimes the first step reaching out is the hardest. but those that do reap the rewards. If you're losing interest or feeling stuck on whether to stay or leave your marriage, get some support... talk to someone you trust, work out solutions.

I hope sharing this story you are inspired to create a plan for your marriage.

Our thoughts and emotions are gifts - USE THEM

Use them to guide you towards what you need to do and change

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

If your spouse wants a divorce you need to realize that time is critical right now. You will need to take very specific action now before its too late. Many people make the mistake of hoping things will cool down and everything will work itself out in the end. Don't make this mistake! Your marriage may very well depend on it!

It is very common and natural to react emotionally when you are told by your spouse that he or she wants a divorce. You might very well have not been expecting this and so you are caught off guard and without a plan to handle the news. So what usually happens? News such as this tends to provoke very negative emotional reactions such as anger, hurt, desperation, depression, jealousy, mistrust etc.

You will need to take specific action immediately to get control of your negative emotions and replace them with calmer and more resourceful emotions. If you are serious about saving your marriage when your spouse wants a divorce, you have work to do! And you won't be successful if you are not in the proper emotional state. There is a step by step approach involving specific words and actions that will practically guarantee your success if you will simply follow it to the letter.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

When my wife asked me for a divorce a few years ago, I made probably every mistake possible and it is a miracle that I am still married. Just when it looked like the divorce was final, I stumbled on an approach that not only saved my marriage, but transformed it into a relationship that I had never dreamed was possible! All it required of me was a 100% commitment and a willingness to take immediate and powerful action to save my marriage.

Looking back now, I realize that I had been doing the complete opposite of what I should have been doing, and the approach I learned about saved my marriage, the same way it has for the couples who have tried it. Like me, many of these couples were facing a divorce and their spouses didn't even want to save the marriage. That's how powerful this approach was to all of us.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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