My Husband Does Nothing Around The House: My Husband Gets Mad When I Ask Him To Help Me Around The House

My Husband Does Nothing Around The House: My Husband Gets Mad When I Ask Him To Help Me Around The House

If you find yourself frequently fighting with your husband over the division of labor in your home, you are not alone. The University of California at Berkeley tracked 100 couples from their first pregnancy through the child's entry into kindergarten and found that the primary source of conflict during the first three years of parenthood involved the division of labor.

One day, I was complaining to a friend about the impossible amount of housework in my home, and she asked, "Does your husband show appreciation for all you do?" I gave this some thought and said, "Yeah, I guess, but I'm not sure it matters."

See, the nature of housework is often so unchallenging and so uninspiring that I could hardly take a compliment as anything more than a joke. I mean, what could he say that would help? "Gosh, babe, that countertop looks so spectacular, you'd think the sparkle fairy cleaned it!" Or maybe he could give me a wink and say, "Gee, honey, I really like the aesthetically pleasing way you stacked those dishes in the dishwasher. Did you experiment with a different loading technique today?" If he was feeling particularly sentimental one evening, he might call me to his side, look tenderly into my eyes and say, "I just wanted you to know that I sense your love for me in the way you fold my underwear."

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The way my husband shows appreciation is to give me a little help when he comes home. That simple act conveys the message that he recognizes that I am not the maid and that I, too, work. Now don't get me wrong. The division of labor should be fair. If your spouse is hard at work all day and you are at home, you can't reasonably expect him to come home and do two or three more hours of non-stop housework every evening. But getting a little help at the end of a long day is surely grand.

So how do we get our man to help?

Sex, of course. Next time you are slaving over the kitchen sink, unbutton your blouse a couple of notches and purr:

"Baby, have you heard about the research coming out of the Love Lab of Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington? Seems when men help more around the house, their wives are more likely to get in the mooooood." At this point, you should whip your hair back in a hot, sexy manner (being careful not to hurt your back), rock your hips over to where he's sitting, then whisper in his ear, "I just thought you might really want to know." Don't forget to wink over your shoulder as you walk away towards the bedroom.

Clearly, when our husbands help us around the house, we can interpret that as a sign of love, which, in turn, helps us find them more attractive. But here's the catch. When our husbands help, they typically want to know that their work is appreciated. While we are likely to see their contribution as a natural part of their marital duty, they are more likely to see it as a special favor that they are doing for us. This can be a tough concept for liberated women like us to accept. But you'll need to get past it in a hurry if you are seriously looking for more help. So stop nagging. Instead, on those occasions that you catch your husband cleaning, give him a big hug, a pinch on the rear, or a sultry wink-wink. It will help assure that he cleans again.

Now what should you do if you happen to have a man who never cleans? Walk up to him, give him an incredibly juicy kiss and thank him for doing the dishes. When he confesses that he actually never did the dishes, look surprised. Say, "Oh." And walk away, forgoing the over-shoulder wink. He'll likely get off his duff and work a little harder for that next kiss!

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Love isn't always easy. Sometimes it can be confusing, disheartening and downright frustrating. It's common for couples to ignore their problems when they first start feeling a loss of marriage intimacy. They know things aren't right, but they don't want to face the problems head on. The hope is that the problems will work themselves out in time. The result is often quite the opposite. Many problems do nothing but grow over time. The good news is that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and there are ways to improve your relationship and the intimacy level in your marriage.

One Thing at a Time

One of the most important things to realize is that you can't do everything at once. Often when couples ignore problems for months, or even years, by the time they get to the point where something needs to be done, they want to tackle every problem they're having. This can cause so much confusion and cross-talking that their problems can mount up to loom even larger than before.

The way to avoid this problem is to focus on one problem at a time. You likely didn't wake up one day with your problems where they are now. It took months or years to get to the point you're at, and you can't expect your problems to disappear over night.

When you're first starting to work on your issues, sit down with your partner and tell them how important they are to you, and how important it is to you to get your marriage intimacy back. Often couples will immediately start conversations by jumping right into their problems. This will likely do nothing but put your spouse on the defense and achieve the opposite of what you want - which is clear and open communication.

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Once you've told your partner how important they are to you, they'll likely be much more open to talking about some of the issues in your relationship. Be careful not to make it all about you - or them. Avoid saying things like, "You frustrate me when you come home from work and don't want to spend time with me," and instead say things like, "I would love to spend more quality time with you after a long day at work."

Small Shifts = Big Changes

This small shift in the way you talk has two advantages. First, it keeps things positive. Focusing on what you'd like to have happen is much more effective and non-combative than telling your partner what you don't want to have happen. It also helps to create a united front. Instead of telling them what they're doing wrong, you're discussing your marriage together. This helps to foster a feeling of good will and will encourage them to work with you to find solutions to your problems.

Getting your marriage intimacy back can feel overwhelming at first, but if you focus on keeping positive and working with your spouse, you'll find success. Start with one issue or problem and work on it until you see an improvement. Once you find your situation has improved, it will be much easier to move on to another problem and get back what you thought you'd lost.

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Are you aware that the failure rate of marriages in the US is greater than 80%? This is unsettling news for anyone that is married for good reason. People do not seem to be as selfless as they used to be before and just give up on their marriage that they worked so hard for. They simply cannot deal with the responsibilities and sacrifices and take the easy way out by quitting.

If you want your marriage to be saved it is quite honorable but it is also a relatively difficult task at times. Seeking marriage counseling will only be beneficial if both spouses want the marriage to be saved. When you are alone in saving your marriage things can be quite hectic.

I can understand if you feel depressed and hopeless about the situation because I have been in there before. When nothing seems to be going your way, you can become desperate and in this mind state you can do some serious damage to your marriage even further. With you mind clouded you can find yourself doing desperate things like begging your spouse.

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You need to avoid doing this as much as possible or you can end up hurting your marriage even further. You need to know how to control your emotions or else they will act on your behalf which is not a good thing in most cases. Also remember that doing things all on your own can be very difficult. That is why I sought outside advice when I realized that nothing I did helped the situation at all.

It is good that you are reading this because it shows that you have initiative and not only relying on yourself to getting things done. It is always wise to seek outside advice in situations like these as it can really make a difference in what you are trying to accomplish.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Have you already spent thousands of dollars on marriage counseling only to find that you and your spouse are still on the brink of divorce? If so, you're probably very disillusioned and think it's hopeless despite your efforts. What if I told you that there are marriage counseling alternatives that use a different approach which really does save marriages? I don't blame you for being skeptical after all you've been through, but there really is something better out there. In fact, you can even try a 30-minute free consultation to help you decide if you like the way the marriage coach is going. You'll find that a marriage coach uses proven methods to teach you how to save your marriage.

I'll bet you didn't even know there was a difference between a marriage counselor and a marriage coach. That's because people tend to use the terms interchangeably when they actually refer to two different entities. A marriage counselor may be a person who has learned everything he knows from a textbook. Maybe he's never been married, or perhaps he's got a couple of divorces under his belt. Nothing about him inspires confidence that he knows what he's talking about. A marriage coach, on the other hand, has been there and done that, and he speaks from the experience of having successfully saved his own marriage. You'll know you can trust him to give you the very best advice.

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A marriage coach is also a teacher. It doesn't do any good for you to hear someone spout some generic words on the subject of marriage, especially when they are more likely to be preparing you emotionally for divorce. What you need is someone who can teach you the strategies and techniques so that you can apply them to your own situation. Instead of merely telling you, "You need a more positive attitude about your marriage," a coach will show you exactly how to achieve this goal. He will show you proven ways to make your marriage well and strong again so that it will last the rest of your lifetime.

There really are marriage counseling alternatives that will get you back on the road to marital success, and they're called marriage coaches, or even marriage experts, and they are the best choice if you want to save your marriage.

Now Listen Carefully-

Take 2 minutes to visit the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. Yes, you can indeed save your marriage no matter how hopeless the situation seems. Take the right step now and live to enjoy a blissful marriage. I strongly urge you to visit the next page- Click Here