My Husband Calls Me Names and Swears At Me: What to Do When Your Husband Swears At You

If your marriage is struggling, and you find yourself dealing with conflict-resolving issues with your spouse, you may be wondering if divorce is the only option left. After all, the loving feelings you once shared with your spouse seem to have disappeared and all that is left is unhappiness. It probably appears that you two aren't even compatible, so why stay married?

I want to challenge you with this idea: Your happiness in marriage is not based on weather or not you are compatible with your spouse. Therefore, it should not be a deciding factor as to weather your marriage will last or not. Instead, you should understand that happiness in your relationship comes from how you deal with incompatibility. This one essential skill is missing in so many marriages today and thus we are seeing marriages dissolve at an alarming rate.

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I know this idea is contrary to everything we hear and see around us. So much of the focus in our culture is about people finding compatibility with others. There are entire dating services structured around that idea. I believe though, that a better thing to focus on is learning healthy conflict resolution. The truth is that every relationship is going to find itself facing conflict at some point. If everyone simply decided to throw in the towel and quit the relationship, no marriage would last.

The main point I hope to make clear is that your marriage's success or failure will depend largely on two major things that you CAN have a bit of control over; You can make the choice to learn how to do these two things better:

1. Develop good communication skills

2. Develop the ability to work through difficulties that you face

So don't buy into the lie; compatibility is not all that counts in making a happy marriage. A better thing to focus on, and develop are skills for conflict-resolving and communication. This will not only help you in your relationship with your spouse, but in all other relationships as well. And the development and refining of these skills will help to save your marriage from divorce.

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How to save your marriage is not exactly the same for one person as it is the next. It's true that in most cases a marriage can be improved with a few simple steps, but the amount of improvement varies from marriage to marriage-check out these tips to help get your back on track...

How To Save Your Marriage 1

Learn which issues to raise and which to let go-if you feel the need to raise every tiny petty issue with your partner for whatever reason, you are going to do more harm than good. When talking over the bigger problems, some couples seem to get bogged down with the tiny details-just try to remember that although who said or did whatever may seem important, the real important thing is to move past it together. Save your energies for the big problems, or the ones that come back time and again.

How To Save Your Marriage 2

Know when it's time to work and time to play. If you do your utmost to make sure the time you spend with your partner is of the highest quality and not just automatic TV watching or whatever, you will be better off. More and more people seem to get caught up in the "workaholic" lifestyle these days, and the general idea is to get ahead while they can so they can enjoy later life. This seems like a good idea at the time, but often all those extra work hours etc are put in at the expense of the relationship. It can be a real balancing act, and you'll often find that as soon as you realise that, things get a little easier.

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How To Save Your Marriage 3

Some more great advice is simply to understand what kind of marriage you have. A husband or wife doesn't come with an instruction manual, it's a good idea to sit and talk things over-where things are going, how happy you both are, what you are aiming for etc. This will help you both get onto the same page, and you'll have a greater understanding of the interactions between you both. For example if you both have the desire to analyse every little problem you have, you will be better off than if just one of you wanted to do that.

How To Save Your Marriage 4

Understand that men and women are different. That's not to say any sex is better than the other, you just need to acknowledge the differences between them-it's these differences that can lead to a lot of the disagreements and arguments, and if you can understand that these arguments are really rooted in the differences between the two sexes, you can save yourselves much heartache and misery. This doesn't necessarily make either viewpoint wrong, but it can go a long way toward helping you work through things together without looking for blame.

How To Save Your Marriage 5

Look in the mirror first. Quite often in life it's our own perceptions and views that change, which can make it seem like things outside us are changing. That's why if you feel like your partner needs to change, it's sometimes a lot easier to look inside yourself and see how you can change instead-if both of you can do this, you will be a lot happier. If for example the way your partner cooks pasta has started to drive you crazy, maybe it's time you looked inside yourself to find out what the real problem is, because small things like that are usually symptoms of larger issues.

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Many people enter relationships convinced it is about liking or loving another. But inevitably, relationships break down and we all discover just how much it is about ourselves rather than the other person!

Consider Joe and Kathy. Joe was drawn to Kathy's no nonsense, get results approach to life. She sized people up well and used it to her advantage. On the other hand Kathy enjoyed that Joe was laid back and not easily offended. Kathy was able to slice and dice her way to success that they both enjoyed and Joe softened her edge with his keen, diplomatic relationship skills. Joe and Kathy were a formidable pair. That is, until they got married. Kathy's abrasiveness began rubbing Joe the wrong way and Kathy interpreted Joe's easygoing nature as lazy and non-committal. Neither had changed who they were so what was the problem?

Marriage calls for the destruction of individual lives so that each person can embrace the life of Christ. Neither of them was prepared this. And if you asked either of them, they both would agree that they did not sign up for such an experience. Let me explain further.

When dating, both Kathy and Joe used each other to perpetuate their own lives. Hence, while dating, each benefited from the other. And it worked well for a while. Joe and Kathy's respective ways allowed them to get their needs met at the expense of the other. All that was required was for them to keep on being who they were best at being. Kathy was best at taking charge and making things happen. Joe was best at relating to and accommodating others. The two approaches are perfectly compatible!

But now Joe and Kathy were married. Enter the God factor! Saying "I do" elevates relationship to a different arena - God's arena. God sets the rules, calls the plays and coaches husband and wife. No longer is it simply up to the preferences and discretions of husband or wife. God sets out to make a husband and wife after His liking. Joe and Kathy are perfectly suited for one another, however, not in their current form. God will reduce each of them to their lowest common denominator in order that each might discover the Great Unifier, which is Christ.

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But, this is a process and a difficult one at that. What makes it so difficult is that, like Joe and Kathy, each of us must be weaned from serving our own needs. The conflict couples experience involves wrestling to get their individual needs met; it's a fight to survive and the survival depends on meeting their own needs. It's human nature.

We all have basic needs for food, clothing and shelter. God promises to provide these things for us. Paul writing to the Philippians 4:19 says this,

"And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus."

Not only do these reflect natural needs, but spiritual and soulish needs as well. We all have a need for unconditional love. It is food to our spirit and soul. We all have a need for authority. It is clothing to our spirit and soul. We all have a need for protection. It provides shelter for our spirit and soul. God has made provision for all of these needs as well. Jesus affirms Paul when he tells His disciples

That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life-whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

"And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing,yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? (Matthew 6:25-30)

The take home message here is that need fulfillment is not optional. God clearly states His intent to meet our needs because He understands the consequence of not doing so - we will attempt to meet them ourselves. But we cannot serve God and our needs. Jesus describes the experience as attempting to serve two (different) masters at the same time. In Matthew 6:24 Jesus said,

"No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Much of marital and relationship conflict arises from our attempts to do what God said could not be done. We cause internal conflict by trying to meet our own needs and thus our own suffering. God promised to meet our needs-physical, as well as soulish and spiritual needs. Why? So that you and I can focus exclusively on serving Him! Read what Jesus said in Matthew 6:33.

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."

Like Joe and Kathy, husbands and wives have a choice. We can trust, that is, plan and participate with God or continue to serve ourselves by using our spouse. Serving God leads to life and fulfillment. Serving ourselves leads to destruction. Paul describes it this way,

"But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!" (Galatians 5:15)

Jesus fittingly offers these words,

If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?Is anything worth more than your soul? (Matthew 16:25 and 26)

So, how do husbands and wives move beyond futile attempts to meet their own needs to trusting God to meet their needs? Here are 3 things to help you get started:

1. Admit that you don't know your real need. Most of us attempt to treat the symptoms of a need, rather than the cause of the need. Medicine is notorious for this and serves as a good example. Oftentimes, doctors treat the symptoms of diseases without resolving the cause.

God is committed to eradicating the cause of our needs. Sometimes He may even forego responding to our symptoms in hopes that we will allow Him to address the cause!

Also consider that children believe what they want is what they also need. But you as the parent easily distinguish your child's real need from what they may want. As a responsible parent you set out to meet their need, notwithstanding their objection, right?

God parents us in the same manner. While we may be convinced we need a certain something from our spouse, God is able to distinguish whether or not this is the true need.

When we are convinced we know and have the answer to our needs we are not available to, nor do we seek answers. But when we admit that we don't know what we really need, we take the first step in opening up to receive real and true answers.

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2. Ask God to reveal the true cause of your need. This is a more difficult step to take because nearly all of our problems arise from what lies within us. Consider Goliath. To the Israelites Goliath appeared to be a problem. They were afraid to go up against him. Then David comes along confronts Goliath and prevails. I am suggesting that how Goliath appeared to the Israelites and David was different. And the difference can be attributed to how each saw himself. Our problems do not come what we can easily see. They come from the thoughts we think that are not readily observable.

God does not tie our potential, freedom, fulfillment or happiness to anyone other than Himself. To do so, would be to encourage idol worship. And this is something we know that God abhors.

Problems are symptoms. Learning the real cause of your symptoms will require you to confront some unlovely facts about yourself and replacing them with new facts. We can find hope and take courage in knowing that facts are temporary and they can and do change!

Go ahead, ask God why you struggle relationally, financially, or even with your health. But beware my friend; the answer just may wound your ego before it heals your heart.

3. Ask God His plan for resolving your need. This is where you will have to listen and pay attention carefully. God does not think or respond the way we do. At the outset, it may seem that God's answers are unrelated to the need and skirts the symptoms. But I assure you God is faithful to supply answers to your needs. He does so without fail!

And don't be surprised. The answers often come through the most unlikely of activities, tasks and people. We need only be certain in faith that God is instructing us. The failsafe is that God never instructs us outside of His word. Moreover, God will always establish His word in the mouth of 2 or 3 unsolicited witnesses at best.

Husband and wife, the answer to the needs you experience in marriage begins with admitting that you really don't know what your true needs are. Then you can ask God to disclose your real need and His answer to it. In the book of Proverbs, we are told that all that we think seems to right to us, but God distinguishes what we think from why we think it. The cause of our needs lies within this discernment.

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