Mother Wounds: Can A Man See Some Women As Sexual Objects If He Had An Unavailable Mother?

When a man sees a woman to who he is attracted, it might not typically occur to him that she is a human being who has her own needs, feelings, hopes, fears and insecurities, for instance. Instead, she can purely be seen as an object that can satisfy his sexual needs.

There is the chance that, when it comes to a woman, these are the only needs that he has. If so, he is not going to have the need to experience affection or to share his inner world with a woman.

An Identity

He could then see himself as someone who has a high sex drive and only needs sex. Most if not all of his friends could also be in the same position, which will help to normalise his behaviour.

This could mean that he will generally have one-night stands or he may have sex with the same woman or women for a while. Irrespective of what he does, this will help to keep his sex drive in check.

Nothing New

There is a chance that he has been this way since he was a teenager, or he may have been different before. If he was different before, he might have dated women or had relationships.

But, if he did date or have relationships, this will be something that is a thing of the past and it will no longer be something that interests him. Now, he could just have a high sex drive and only have sexual needs, or, there could be far more to his behaviour than meets the eye.

A Closer Look

How he is behaving in this area of his life could be a sign that he is living on the surface of himself and is not aware of a number of his needs. But, although he won’t be aware of a number of his other needs, these needs won’t lie dormant.

No, these other needs will be redirected and will cause him to have a strong sex drive. In other words, his other needs will have ended up being sexualised.

Another Part

It might not just be his adult needs, though; as he could be carrying a number of unmet developmental needs, too. Together, these needs will create a lot of inner pressure that will need to continually be released.

By having sex, then, he will be able to let go of this tension. But, as having sex won’t deal with what is going on for him at a deeper level, it won’t matter how much sex he has as his high sex drive won’t subside.

An Unpleasant Experience

If he wasn’t able to have sex for a little while, he might soon feel deeply agitated. The tension will build up inside him and he will need to find another way to deal with it.

One thing he could do, to let go of some of this tension is to masturbate. This can allow him to settle down for a little while and focus on other areas of his life.

Another Element

When it comes to why he would see certain women as purely objects that can satisfy him, the unmet developmental needs that are outside of his conscious awareness are likely to play a part. At a deeper level, he can see these women as mother figures who can give him what he missed out on as a boy.

Thus, in the same way that a boy will look to his mother to give him what he needs, he will look towards women to do the same. What this illustrates is that, at this level, the level of his unconscious mind, he doesn’t realise that he is no longer a child and that other women are not his mother.

What’s going on?

It can seem strange that a man would see certain women as his mother and would carry unmet developmental needs. Nonetheless, what this is likely to show is that he was greatly deprived and deeply wounded during his formative years.

This may have been a time when his mother was emotionally unavailable and unable to provide him with the love that he needed. To handle what was going on, he would have gradually disconnected from a number of his needs and feelings.

Self-Alienation

This was his only option as he wasn’t able to change his mother or to find a mother who could provide him with the love that he needed. The disconnected false self that he was forced to create would have allowed him to survive in an environment that was like a desert, emotionally speaking.

The years would have passed but the unmet developmental needs and the pain that he had to repress wouldn’t have disappeared. This material will define how he sees certain women and drive his behaviour.

A Key Process

If he has arrived at the stage where he no longer wants to behave in this way and wants to become a more integrated human being, he is likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness
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If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.