Mother Wounds: Can A Man Have A Negative View Of Himself If He Had An Abusive Mother?

If a man were to talk to another person about how he sees himself, they could struggle to understand why he sees himself in this way. The reason for this is that he could believe that he is worthless and unlovable.

He could end up being told that these are just beliefs and that they don’t reflect reality. After this, they could say that he has inherent worth and is lovable, and that he needs to change how he sees himself.

Very Little Impact

After he has heard this, he could think about what has been said and look into what he can to change his inner world. Then again, after he had heard this, he could soon go back to how he was living before.

What this is likely to show is how strong this other part of him is; it will be fully in control of him. Therefore, until he is able to develop a stronger part of him that has a different view, he won’t be able to change his life.

A Bleak Existence
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As things stand, this part of him will be dominated by a part of him that is not on his side. As a result, it is likely to be normal for him to spend a lot of time feeling low and to have a very critical inner voice.

It could then be a challenge for him to get out of bed each day and he might not have much motivation. If he does start working toward something, it might not be long until he stops.

One Area

When it comes to his relationships, he might not have any close friends and he may have been with a number of women who were not very loving. Deep down, he can believe that he doesn’t deserve to have any close friends.

If he has been with a number of abusive women, when he was with these women, he might have believed that he deserved to be treated badly. This would then have stopped him from doing anything about what was going on or from cutting his ties with her.

Looking Back

If he were to look back on his life, what might soon stand out is that he has been this way for as long as he can remember. He can see that he has carried a sense of badness throughout this time.

And, no matter what he has done over the years to try to feel better, it might not have had much of an impact. For example, he might have done his best to be a good citizen and to help others.

What’s going on?

Sooner or later, he can wonder why he feels worthless and unlovable. What can be clear is that, unless this changes, he will continue to live a miserable existence.
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For him to gain a deeper understand of why he is this way, it will be a good idea of him to take a closer look at what his formative years were like. This may have been a stage that was anything but nurturing.

Back In Time

What might enter his mind is that his mother was emotionally unavailable and was often cruel, with her acting more like his enemy than his parent. Being ignored, rejected, put down, and humiliated would then have been the norm.

Along with this, she might have often physically harmed him. The parent who was supposed to be supportive, loving and protect him was then the parent who tore him down, treated him like he was nothing, and violated him.

Another Element

As for his father, he might not have been around, or he might have just been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. The outcome of this is that his father wouldn’t have done anything about what was going on; he would have allowed it to happen.

Moreover, he might have also been critical and perhaps physically harmed him. He was then betrayed by not just one of his parents but by both of them.

The fallout

Not receiving the love that he needed would have greatly deprived and deeply wounded him. To handle what was going on, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs.

He would have also come to believe that he was worthless and unlovable, as he was egocentric. It wouldn’t have occurred to him that he was being treated in this way because his mother and perhaps his father were deeply wounded human beings.

A Defence

The other part of taking what took place personally and blaming himself was that it would have given him the hope – the false hope - that if he kept struggling, he would be loved by them. It was simply too painful for him to accept that his parent or parents couldn’t love him.

This stage of his life will be over, of course, but his life will continue to be defined by an inaccurate view that he formed of himself at a stage of his life when his brain was underdeveloped. And, part of him will still be living in the hope that if he keeps struggling, he will finally be loved.

Moving Forward

For him to change his life, he will have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.