While a man will have needs, it doesn’t mean that he will always be aware of them. Moreover, when he is in tune with his needs, he could still be out of touch with a number of them.

As a result of this, he is likely to neglect most of his needs and this is going to have a negative effect on him. He could find that he often feels frustrated and depressed but finds it hard to pinpoint why this is.

A Natural Outcome

The fulfilment of his needs will play a big part in what will allow him to live a fulfilling life and so, if most, if not all of his needs are not being met, he is naturally going to suffer. But, if he is not aware of why he is suffering, it won’t be possible for him to do anything about his life.

He could, for example, end up paying a visit to his GP and end up being put on medication. This may end up having a positive effect on his mood, or at the very least bring him from one side of the spectrum into the middle but it won’t deal with what is truly going on for him.

Day-To-Day Life

In general, he could spend a lot of time doing things for others and very little time doing things for himself. Consequently, he could be described as someone who is ‘selfless’ and is only too happy to be there for others.

However, although he may appear to be this way, it won’t change the fact that he does have needs. Although he might not be aware of this, doing so much for others is likely to be an indirect way for him to meet his own needs.

An Ineffective Approach

Behaving in this way is likely to allow him to receive certain things but it won’t allow him to meet all of his needs. The reason for this is that his fellow human beings are not mind-readers; they won’t be able to know what all of his needs are.

Nonetheless, he could still have moments when he gets angry and experiences resentment but he could do his best to hide how he feels from others. This could mean that there are moments when he comes across as passive-aggressive.

Joining the Dots

In order for him to change his life, he will need to realise that he is out of touch with most of his needs and then reconnect to all of his needs and go about meeting them. Some of these needs he will be able to meet and some of them will be met with the help of others.

To get to this point, he will need to experience an inner shift; without this, there will be no reason for him to develop a new relationship with himself and to change his behaviour. After he has had enough of living in this way, he could end up looking for answers.

Being Curious

He could come to the conclusion, that he is often unaware of his needs and, thus, doesn’t even realise that he is ignoring them. Moreover, he can see that he is often focused on the needs of others.

For his life to change, then, he will need to spend less time focusing on the needs of others and more time focusing on his own needs. By being more in balance, he will be able to be there for others without always neglecting himself.

Going Down

A number of his needs will be found in his body, so he will need to have a good connection with this part of his being to be able to connect to all of his needs. This will allow him to connect to his emotional and physical needs.

Once he is able to connect to these needs, he will be able to take the next step – fulfilling them. This could be a time, though, when he starts to feel uncomfortable and is unable to go any further.

What’s going on?

The big question is, why would he have been out of touch with most of his needs and why, now that he is in tune with them - that’s if he actually is - would he feel uncomfortable expressing them? If he has more or less always been this way, it could be due to what took place during his formative years.

When he was born, he would have most likely been in tune with his needs and had no trouble expressing them. This is something that would have taken place by him crying, moving and reaching out.

From One Extreme to Another

Yet, this may have been a stage of his life when he was often left and when he was given attention, it may have often been the wrong kind of attention. So, by not receiving the right attunement on a consistent basis, he would have soon lost touch with his needs.

Being connected to his needs would have been too painful and the only way for him to handle this pain would have been to disconnect from his needs and, therefore, his body. As he was dependent and totally powerless at this stage of his life, he wouldn’t have had another option; he wasn’t able to change his mother’s behaviour or to run away.

Rejected and Abandoned

Also, as he was egocentric, he would have come to see his needs as being the reason why he was left. In reality, he was left due to what was going on for his mother; no other reason.

Yet, as he wasn’t developed enough to realise this, losing touch with his needs and being needless was seen as the only way for him to keep his mother around and to survive. The outcome of this is that he would have lost touch with his true self and automatically created a false self, and it will be this false self that is seen as who he is now that he is an adult.

An Adaption

The trouble is that although hiding his needs allowed him to survive as a baby and as a small child, it will now be harming him. For him to grow and expand, he will need to embrace his needs and fulfil them.

To feel comfortable enough to do this, there will be the beliefs that he will need to question and the emotional wounds that he will need to work through. The pain that he experienced by not having his developmental needs met is likely to be held inside his body.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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