At the beginning of a relationship, a man might not have any issues when it comes to having sex. But, as time passes, this might not be the case.

Then again, before he gets to the point where he is in a relationship with a woman and has just started seeing her, this could be something that is an issue. Naturally, this is going to have a big impact on this area of his life.

A Different Experience

Now, regardless of what position he is in, he might not have had this issue before. This could show that, in his previous relationship or relationships, he didn’t have any issues when it came to having sex.

At the same time, this could be because this is the first time that he has been in a relationship. In the past, he might have only had casual encounters and thus, wouldn’t have developed an emotional connection with a woman.

A Strange Scenario

Assuming that he hasn’t had this issue before, and this is due to him not having been in an intimate relationship before, he could be in a very low place. He could also have moments when he feels deeply ashamed and worthless.

What is going on could also make him question if he is a real man and if he is missing something that other men have. And, due to what is going on for him, he could keep what is going on to himself.

The Other Side

When it comes to the woman that he is with, she could believe that this shows that he is not sexually attracted to her. Consequently, she could feel worthless, unlovable and as if there is something wrong with her.

He can then do what he can to avoid having sex and she can do the same thing. Yet, as sex will be an important part of their relationship, for a variety of reasons, this is going to have a negative impact.

The Outcome

Over time, the connection that they have is likely to disintegrate and their relationship might even come to an end. Alternatively, after talking about what is going on, the man could end up reaching out for support.

If this was to take place, he could end up coming to the conclusion that his ‘negative’ thoughts are the issue. These thoughts will then be what is causing him to experience anxiety and be unable to maintain an erection.

The Next Phase

So, after learning how to manage his thoughts and replace his ‘negative’ thoughts with ‘positive’ thoughts, for instance, this area of his life might return to normal. Thanks to this, his relationship is also likely to gradually improve.

On the other hand, this approach might not last for very long or it might not work at all. This is likely to illustrate that what is taking place in his mind is just a small part of why he is experiencing life in this way.

A Closer Look

What needs to be taken into account is that he has both a conscious and an unconscious mind. When it comes to his unconscious mind, this part of him is having an impact on how he both perceives and responds to reality.

If this is not taken into account, what is taking place in this area of his life is not going to make any sense. However, if this is taken into account and what is going on for him at a deeper level is explored, it might soon make complete sense.

Going Deeper

Therefore, if he was able to connect to what is taking place for him at this level when he is about to have sex, he may find that he sees his partner as his mother. Due to this, it is as though he is about to have sex with his mother.

Needless to say, this will be seen as something that is wrong and his interest in having sex with her will disappear. Without this understanding, how he behaves will be seen as strange, but, with it, it will make perfect sense.

What is going on?

After becoming aware of this, he could wonder why he is projecting his mother into his partner and is unable to see her clearly. What this is likely to show is that he is in a developmentally stunted state and hasn’t emotionally separated from his mother.

Unless this changes, he will continue to project his mother into his partner and be unable to see her clearly. In all likelihood, he was deprived of the love that he needed during his formative years.

Back In Time

His mother was probably developmentally stunted and entangled with one or both of her own parents, which would have meant that she was unable to truly be there for him and provide him with what he needed. She is likely to have forced him to adapt to her needs and punished him, in one way or another, when he expressed his own needs and feelings.

He would have lost touch with his true self and it would have only been possible for his physical and mental self to grow. But, although these other parts of him will have grown, his emotional self will still crave the love that he missed out on throughout his formative years and, as a result of this, will be looking for a mother figure.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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