If a man was to step back and reflect on his life, he might soon see that he is overly focused on his mother. This could be something that he has been forced to do after having experienced a breakup.

As a result of being in a relationship, then, what had not stood out before would have ended up standing out. This could be because before he was in a relationship, there wasn’t anyone else in his life who wanted his attention.

It Was Clear

During this time, his partner might have realised that he was too focused on his mother and pointed this out. If so, he might have dismissed what she said as he was not ready to face reality.

Consequently, she might have gotten to the point where she couldn’t take any more and ended the relationship. Nonetheless, now that that dust has settled, he will have been able to face up to what is going on.

The Next Step

Still, while he will be aware of what is going on and want to change his life, it doesn’t mean that he will be able to. The mere thought of implementing boundaries with his mother and spending more time doing things for himself could fill him with guilt.

As opposed to him doing the right thing by being there for himself, he will be doing the wrong thing. Thanks to how he feels, he could continue to behave in the same way and continue to abandon himself.

The Same Old Story

But, as he is now aware of the fact that behaving in this way is not serving him, it will be a lot harder for him to keep going. What this shows is that part of him wants to change his behaviour but a bigger, stronger part of him doesn’t.

Until this changes, he will continue to walk down the same path; a path that is taking him in the wrong direction. What might soon enter his mind is that he needs to talk to his mother about what is going on for him.

One Scenario

If this was to take place, he might end up being told that he is not responsible for her and that he has to live his own life. Hearing this could provide him with the permission that he needs to gradually liberate himself.

Then again, he could talk to his mother about what is going on for him but he might not make much headway. He might end up being ignored or what he says could be minimised and dismissed.

The outcome

If the latter takes place, he could feel as though he has no choice and has to carry on behaving in the same way. He will then be a man but it will be as if he is a boy who needs his mother’s permission in order to live his own life.

He could feel pretty hopeless and helpless at this point, and wonder if his life will ever change. In addition to the guilt that he experiences when it comes to him living his own life, he could see that his survival is also attached to his mother.

Two Parts

This is something that he could soon come to see if he was to change his behaviour, if only for a short while. He could feel guilty and incredibly anxious, with him having a strong pull to go back to how he was before.

In addition to what is right being seen as what is wrong, not being there for himself will also be seen as the only way for him to survive. What will stand out from this is that while his physical self has grown, his emotional self hasn’t.

What’s going on?

If this part of him had grown, he would be in his power and would be possible for him to put himself first without feeling guilty or as though he is going to die. What is going on for him at an emotional level is likely to be a consequence of what took place during his formative years.

Throughout this stage of his life, he is likely to have been forced to be there for his mother, with him being deprived in the process. Due to how emotionally underdeveloped she is likely to have been, it wouldn’t have been possible for her to truly be there for him.

A Brutal Time

Not receiving the attunement and love that he needed would have deeply wounded him and caused him to lose touch with his true self. And, as he was egocentric, he would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with his needs and feelings.

Furthermore, he would have been conditioned to believe that it is his responsibility to be there for his mother and meet her needs. At this stage of his life, he had to be there for her, he had no choice as his survival depended on her, and, although he doesn’t need to be there for her now, he won’t know this at the core of his being as he is in a developmentally stunted state.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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