Mother-Enmeshed Men: Is A Mother-Enmeshed Man Waiting For His Mother To Liberate Him?

If a man spends a lot of his time and energy doing things for his mother, it will be pretty clear to the outside observer that he is out of balance. That is, of course, unless he is seen as living in the right way.

If he is seen as living in the right way, it could show that this person believes that a man should be there for his mother. According to this person, a man’s purpose will be to take of his mother and put his own life to one side.

The Reality

However, regardless of the fact that this is what some people will think, it doesn’t change the fact that he is neglecting himself. He is acting more like his mother’s caregiver than her son and this is naturally going to undermine him.

He might not have much of a life himself or he could have a life but it could be close to falling apart. Either way, as a lot of his time and energy will be being directed toward his mother, he is not going to be able to live the kind of life that he would live otherwise.

The Norm

Yet, although how he is living is not serving him, this could just be what is normal. Therefore, he won’t be consciously aware of the fact that he is living in the wrong way and thus, there will be no need for him to change his life.

He could be aware of the fact that he often feels tired, drained and depressed, for instance, but this could be seen as being caused by other things. He could believe that he is just working too much and needs a break.

Business as Usual

If he was to take a holiday, he might find that it is hard for him to relax and that he spends a lot of time worrying about his mother. Therefore, he won’t be able to fully embrace this time and when he gets back, he won’t be much better off.

But, even if he is able to relax, he will still be the same person when he gets back and the same thing will happen all over again. He will then be able to release some tension that has built up but that will be as far as it will go.

Under A Spell

One way of looking at how he experiences life would be to say that it is as if he is in an altered state of consciousness. This altered state is not allowing him to see clearly, though, it is preventing him from being able to do so.

Until he changes, he will continue to go down the same path and ignore himself. What could allow him to break out of this state is if he was to end up having a breakdown, a job loss, a breakup or a serious illness.

What’s going on?

If he was able to see clearly, if only for a short while, he could wonder why he is behaving in this way. At a conscious level, what is going on won’t make any sense and he could be desperate for his life to change.

Still, if he was to think about changing his life, he could feel guilty and ashamed. Furthermore, he could end up feeling as though he will be rejected and abandoned and that his life will come to an end.

Trapped

At this point, he could believe that there is absolutely nothing that he can do and that he will just have to continue to behave in the same way. Ultimately, this is going to be what feels comfortable.

What could enter his mind is that the only way his life will change is if his mother gives him permission to live his own life. If he was to speak to her about what is going on, she could end up dismissing what he says or just ignore him; it will then be clear that she is not aware of how destructive her behaviour is and is not willing to change.

Another Part

As he is an adult and no longer needs his mother in order to survive, it could be said that he doesn’t need his mother’s permission. But, based on how he feels and the thoughts that he has when he tries to live his own life, he won’t realise this.

What this is likely to show is that there is a wounded child part of him and this part is still looking for his mother’s love, support and attention. This part of him will be taking over and making it hard for him to see that he is no longer a powerless and dependent child.

A Natural Outcome

By merging with this part of him, he will need his mother to free him from the invisible prison that he is living in. But, if she is unwilling to be there for him and even if she was able to recognise what is going on, it still won’t truly liberate him.

The unmet developmental needs that he is carrying will never be met; these will need to be faced and worked through. By engaging in this process, he will gradually be able to liberate himself from the invisible prison he is in and live his own life.

Awareness
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If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.