Mother-Enmeshed Men: Is A Mother-Enmeshed Man Looking For A Mother Figure?

After a woman has been with a man for a while, what might enter her mind is that she is more like his mother than his girlfriend. Now, there can be a variety of reasons as to why she would come to this conclusion.

First, she can be the one who makes most of the decisions and plans just about everything. Second, she can spend a lot of time doing things for him, with him rarely if ever doing anything for her.

The List Goes on

Third, she can spend a lot of time trying to deal with the challenges that he has. Forth, she can spend a lot of time encouraging him and trying to get him to take action.

Naturally, if she does this as well as other things, it is to be expected that she would feel like his mother. She will be in a position where she is giving a lot but receiving very little in return.

A Tiring Existence

Sooner or later, she could arrive at the stage where she has well and truly had enough. If so, she could end up cutting her ties with him, gradually building herself up again and doing what she can to find a man who is able to not only receive, but is able to give, too.

This could take place after she has spent weeks or months trying to get through to him. She will then have done just about everything that she can and will have done the right thing by moving on.

Out of balance

If a man is in this position and looks toward a woman to be more like his mother than his girlfriend, there is a chance that he is not aware of this. Therefore, even if a woman or a man points out what is going on, he might deny it.

This is likely to show that he is not consciously aware of what is going on. It is then not that he is consciously choosing to avoid reality; it is that he is simply not aware of how he behaves when he is with a woman.

Turning the light on

What might allow him to see clearly is that he could end up reflecting on his behaviour after he has been with a number of women who have left him. He might see a pattern and wonder if he is playing a part in what is going on.

If so, he can gradually come to see that, when he is in a relationship, he expects too much and doesn’t give enough. Over time, it might occur to him that he sees a woman as more like a mother than another human being who also has needs.

Confusion

Consequently, he could wonder why he expects so much from a woman and finds it so hard to be there for her. He could end up coming to the conclusion that there is something inherently wrong with him.

After this, he could feel hopeless and helpless, and deeply ashamed of himself. However, what this is likely to illustrate is that he was deeply deprived during his formative years and is still looking for what he missed out on.

Hidden

Of course, he will now be an adult, but the needs that were not met during his formative years won’t have disappeared. Instead, they will continue to have a big impact on his life.

He could wonder how it wasn’t possible for him to see this before. If this is the case, what he can keep in mind is that his brain will have blocked out what was going on in order to protect him.

Back In Time

Most likely, he was brought up by a mother who was developmentally stunted and unable to provide him with what he needed to grow and develop in the right way. During this time, she is likely to have looked toward him to be there for her.

To handle what was going on, he would have gradually lost touch with his feelings and a number of his needs. The connection that he had to his connected, true self would then have been replaced by a disconnected, false self.

The Outcome

Still, he would have believed, deep down, that if he did what she wanted, he would finally be loved by her. Therefore, he would have blocked out reality and lived in hope that his life would change.

If this hadn’t taken place, he would have been overwhelmed by pain and he probably wouldn’t have survived this stage of his life. Losing touch with reality and his own feelings and needs was then a way for him to keep it together and function.

The Struggle Continues

Many, many years will have passed but he will still be trying to meet his unmet developmental needs. The part of him that is trying to meet these needs doesn’t have a sense of time and is blind.

This is why it won’t realise that this stage is over and another woman is not his mother. For him to gradually put this stage of his life behind him and no longer look for what can’t be provided, he will have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience.

Awareness
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If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.