Mother-Enmeshed Men: Is A Mother-Enmeshed Man An Example Of How Alienated A Human Being Can Be From Themselves?

In order for a man to express himself and live a life that is worth living, he will need to be connected to himself. This will involve him not only being connected to what is taking place in his mind but also to what is taking place in his body.

His body is, after all, the seat of his true self; this part of him won’t be found in his head. Most of his needs, feelings, wants, preferences and longings will be found in this part of him.

A Key Area

This part of his being is then not just there to support his head; it is also there to provide him with guidance. What this illustrates is how important his body and his connection to it are when it comes to him being on the right track.

This doesn’t mean that the guidance of others is of no use; what it means is that he is on his own path and cant place his life in the hands of another or others. If he does this, he is going to suffer in one way or another.

A Way of life

However, although it will be essential for a man to be connected to his body and to allow what is going on inside him to shape his life, it doesn’t mean that he will be in this position. Instead, he can be more or less completely out of touch with what is going on inside him.

As a result of this, he is likely to live on the surface of himself and what is taking place in his body can largely be a mystery. When it comes to the needs that he is aware of in his body, this can relate to his need to eat and have sex, for instance, but that could be about as far as it will go.

Outer Directed

When it comes to what he does and doesn’t do, then, he is typically going to look toward the external world for guidance and direction. If he is overly focused on his mother, it is likely that he will primarily look towards her for guidance and direction.

This can be something that automatically takes place, without him even needing to think about behaving this way. Most of his mother’s needs, feelings, wants, preferences and longings are then going to be seen as his own.

Out of Balance

If both his mother and himself were a plant, his mother is likely to be doing very nicely while he is going to be deprived of the nutrients that he needs. But, as most of his energy, attention and time will be being directed toward her, this is not much of a surprise.

Yet, as he doesn’t have a strong connection with himself and is so focused on her, he might not even realise that he is neglecting himself. The thought that he is doing so might not enter his conscious awareness.

A Strange Scenario

He is then going to have his own body and mind but it will be as though he is merely a part of his mother that is not connected to her. And, due to how focused he is on her, if she was to encourage him to live his own life or no longer be around, either through moving away or passing on, he would probably feel totally lost.

What this will show is that, for him to live his own life, it is not just a case of his mother giving him the all-clear or no longer being part of his life. At least in the short term, this is likely to cause him to be deeply unsettled.

What’s going on?

At this point, it can be hard for someone to understand why a man would experience life in this way. They could wonder how a man could be so out of touch with himself and so focused on his mother.

It is highly unlikely that he chose to be this way and probably ended up this way as a result of being used by his mother to meet some of her adult and unmet developmental needs during his developmental years. He may or may not have been connected to himself when he was born but even if he was, he would have soon lost touch with himself.

A Process

Still, this doesn’t mean that he ended up losing touch with himself overnight as this is likely to have taken time. When he did express his needs, he might have typically been punished and disapproved of and rejected and abandoned.

This would have sent him the message that in order for him to be loved and to survive, he had to hide himself. He would have been forced to adapt to his environment, and this would have taken place by him automatically creating a disconnected and disembodied false self.

The Second part

To handle the pain of both being deprived and traumatised, his brain would have automatically repressed how he felt to allow him to keep it together and function. So, creating a false self and repressing his feelings and needs would have caused him to gradually lose touch with his own essence.

Like a robot that has been programmed by its owner to cater to their needs and thus, has one purpose, he will have been brought up to cater to his mother’s needs and will also have one purpose. Sadly, if living in this way is just what is normal, there will be no reason for him to try to change his behaviour, no matter how unfulfilling his life is.

An Invisible Prison

Even if he was to think about his life and reflect on his early years, after another person points out that he is too focused on his mother, he could dismiss what is said. He could say that he wants to be there for her and that his early years were not abusive.

Firstly, as he is likely to be developmentally stunted and will be carrying a lot of pain, a big part of him won’t want to face reality; it will be too painful for him to do so. Secondly, due to the insidious nature of the abuse that he experienced, and assuming that he wasn’t physically harmed, it won’t stand out.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.