Although there are some men who are able to put themselves first and live their own life, there are others who are unable to do so. When it comes to the former, a man will be making the most of the life that he has been given, but, when it comes to the latter, he won’t be.

However, if a man is making the most of his life, it doesn’t mean that he has chosen to be this way. Not only this, but he may have been this way for most if not all of his life.

Two Experiences

Likewise, if a man is not making the most of his life, he probably won’t have chosen to be this way. And, as with the man above, he might have also been this way for most of his life.

At this point, it could seem strange as to why one man would be there for himself and one man wouldn’t. After all, a man will be on this planet to live his own life, not to abandon himself.

The Norm

If a man is not there for himself, there is a chance that he will be focused on his mother and her needs. Thanks to how long he has been this way for, he might not even realise that he is out of balance.

Therefore, if another person was to point this out to him, he could end up looking confused and perhaps deny what has been said. What this will demonstrate is how out of touch he is with himself.


The reason for this is that if he had a strong connection with himself, he would be aware of the fact that he is overlooking a number of his own needs. His inner feedback system, his feelings, would let him know that he is neglecting himself.

Without this connection, it is going to be possible for him to neglect himself and not be aware of it. This is what will allow him to behave as though he is simply an extension of his mother.

Going Deeper

If it was possible to look deep inside him, what might soon stand out is why he is behaving in this way. He might believe that he is on this earth to be there for and please his mother.

This is then why, if another person tells him that he is neglecting himself, it will just bounce off him. If there is a part of him that believes that he is here to live his own life, it will be so small that it is cancelled out by the part of him that doesn’t believe this.

An Odd Scenario

Now, while it can seem strange as to why a man would be this way, it is likely to make complete sense if his early years are taken into account. This may have been a stage of his life when he was deprived of the love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way

There will be the impact that both his mother and his father had on him. When it comes to his mother, she might have generally used him to meet some of her adult and unmet developmental needs.


She would then have been an adult but she would have been developmentally stunted. This would have caused her to unconsciously see her son as the parent or parents that she needed but didn’t have and to use him in the process.

And, as he was powerless and totally dependent, he would have been forced to adapt; to give, when he desperately needed to receive. He would have had to lose touch with his true self and create a disconnected false self.

Another Element

As for his father, he might not have been around or he might not have been around but been emotionally unavailable and lacked backbone. Either way, his father wouldn’t have been there to protect him and to pull him out of his mother’s world.

He would have been marooned in her world, like a child that has been abandoned on an island in the middle of nowhere. Naturally, as a result of what was going on, he would have come to believe that the sole purpose of his existence was to be there for his mother.

Two Parts

He will have had a childhood where he was seldom if ever seen and heard and this will have left him in a developmentally stunted state. His body and mind will have grown but as he won’t have received the emotional nutrients that he needed, his emotional self won’t have really grown.

With this in mind, if a man is in this position, there will be two things that he will need to do: first, he will need to become aware of what is going on, and, second, then he will need to heal himself. He will be like a car that has been smashed up and needs to gradually be rebuilt.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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