Mother-Enmeshed Men: Can It Be Harder For A Mother-Enmeshed Man When His Father Passes On?

If a man is caught up in his mother’s world, he might not be the only one in this position as his father could also be in the same position. Assuming that this is so, there will be what he does for his mother and what his father does for her.

Based on this, the weight of his mother’s life is not going to be fully on his shoulders; it will be partly shared with his father. As a result of this, she is going to have two men that are focused on her needs.

The Same Old Story

Now, this could be how it has been for many, many years. And, before he was even born, his father might have behaved as though he was an extension of her for a number of years too.

Once he was born, then, like his father, he would have been seen as someone who was there to meet her needs. What this will show is that this mother was and still is very caught up with her own needs.

Another Angle

She is then going to look like an adult but, based on how she behaves; she will be more like a child than an adult. This is because a child will need to be the centre of attention in order to receive the right nutrients and survive.

Additionally, a child, by being in an underdeveloped state, won’t realise that they are separate from others. From this, it is likely to show that his mother is developmentally stunted, which is why she was unable to truly be there for him and sees others as an extension of herself.

Used

The trouble is that he might not have been able to see that how he is behaving is not serving him and his father could be in the same position. Still, this is not to say that he won’t often feel frustrated with having to do so much for his mother.

But, this could be about as far as it will go and it could then take something dramatic for him to see clearly. One thing that could gradually allow him to see clearly is if his father was to pass on.

A Tough Time

His father might have been unwell for a little while or he might have just passed on for no apparent reason. After this has taken place, not only will he have to deal with losing his father but he could soon find that his mother expects even more from him.

So, if he was feeling weighed down before, he will end up feeling even more weighed down. He might not be able to handle what is going on for very long, though, and he could soon break down.

A Mixed Experience

If he was able to connect with how he feels, he could feel deeply sad and helpless. As time passes, he could end up feeling angry, let down and betrayed by his father.

The reason for this is that his father probably won’t have really been there for him throughout his life as he was so caught up in his mother's world. Thus, now that he has gone, he will be facing up to the fact that his father wasn’t truly there for him then and he won’t ever be able to be there for him.

Two Sides

Losing his father will then be a very sad time and a time when old wounds are brought into his conscious awareness. But, as he will experience so much pressure from his mother, he might not be able to fully embrace how he feels.

As he was deprived of the nutrients that he needed during his formative years to be able to develop a strong sense of self, he won’t have very good boundaries. This is why he wasn’t able to draw the line with his mother before and why he won’t be able to do so now.

Taken Out

If he was to arrive at the stage where he is no longer able to behave in the same, due to being totally exhausted, it will be a blessing in disguise. He won’t have been able to draw the line directly, so another part of him will have taken over and forced him to change his behaviour.

As he is unable to be there for his mother, she will be forced to change her behaviour. It will now be time for him to face what is going on for him and to start putting his needs first.

Moving Forward

He is likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet development needs to experience. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.
​
Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.