After being with a man who is overly focused on his mother for however long, a woman could be pretty fed up and feel drained. There can be a number of reasons as to why she is this way.

First, there will be the fact she is sharing him with his mother, and, second, she is likely to be the one who is making most of the decisions and leading the relationship. She is then going to be deprived, on the one hand, and acting like a parent, on the other.

Lop Sided

This is going to mean that she won’t be receiving much from him but she will be giving a lot to him. If things don’t change soon, she cut her ties with him.

Until that point, though, she might do her best to carry on as normal and hope that this area of her life changes before long. Naturally, in order for this relationship to have a positive impact on her, she will also need to receive.

One Part

When it comes to the decisions that she makes, she can be the one who arranges days out and decides what to do when they are out. To others, it could seem as if she is controlling but there is going to be far more to it.

In all likelihood, the man won’t have any ideas and/or he could just look towards her to make the decisions. Therefore, if she didn’t take the initiative, they might not do anything.

Another Area

There can also be the impact that this has on their sex life, with her typically needing to make the first move. To do this every now and again can be seen as part of being in a balanced relationship but to more or less always do this is going to be frustrating.

Additionally, she could believe that he is not sexually attracted to her or doesn’t enjoy having sex with her. If so, this might stop her from making the first move very often and she could gradually turn her back on this part of their relationship.

At The Root

Considering how she has to take the lead so often in these areas, along with others, it is clear that the man doesn’t have a well-developed masculine aspect. This is then playing a part in why he is unable to stand up to his mother and assert himself.

Without this part of him on board, it is to be expected that he will spend a lot of time in a passive as opposed to an active state. For him to change his behaviour around his mother and his partner, this is something that will need to change.

The Other Side

At this point, it can seem as though she has just happened to end up with a man who lacks backbone. And, if she was to look back on her previous relationships, she could see that this is not the first time that this has happened.

Assuming that this is the case, she could come to the conclusion that this is just what men are like. Thus, even if she was to end the relationship that she is in and find another man to be with, it wouldn’t be any better.

A Closer Look

Nonetheless, while it may seem as though this is just what men are like, what if there is far more to it? What if the reason that she has ended up with men who are out of balance is that she is also out of balance?

She might not be able to accept this at first, but, if she was to reflect on how she behaves, she might soon start to see why this area of her life is the way that it is. So, what she might soon find is that although her masculine element is fairly developed, her feminine element isn’t.

A Deeper Look

When it comes to the former, this will relate to her ability to take action, get things done and make decisions. When it comes to the latter, this will relate to her ability to open up, let go and surrender.

At a conscious level, then, she will want a man to be able to be assertive, take the lead, and make decisions, but, at an unconscious level, she may find that she fears being with a man who is like this. This is something that she could soon realise if she was to imagine that she is with a man who has a backbone and let the experience play out.

The other part

If this is so, she could wonder why being with a man who is like this makes her feel uncomfortable. To go deeper, she could find that she feels anxious and fearful and as though she has no control.

Consequently, what might come to mind is that she has a strong need to be in control, and this is why a big part of her feels comfortable with a man who gives her control and is not in his power. For her to understand why she is this way, it will be a good idea for her to take a closer look at her early years.

Back In Time

During her formative years, she may have had at least one parent that abused their power. As a result of this, she might have often been controlled, with her feeling violated and hopeless and helpless.

Ultimately, she wouldn’t have grown up in an environment where it was safe for her to be herself and this would have caused her to lose touch with part of her herself. To handle what was going on and minimise the damage that was done to her, she would have had to lose touch with her true self and create a disconnected false self.

It’s over

Many, many years will have passed since that stage of her life but she will still believe that she needs to keep her guard up, keep people at a distance and be strong to avoid being mistreated. The man that she is with, and the men that she has been with, will also be a reflection of the passive and wounded parts of herself that she had to repress all those years ago.

Considering this, as she reconnects to the wounded parts of her own consciousness and integrates these parts, she will slowly become more in balance. And, as she becomes more in balance, she will be able to be with a man who is also in balance.


If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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