Me and My Husband Have Nothing To Talk About: When Couples Don't Have Anything To Talk About
This happens to most of us. Even those believing themselves to be compatible still found themselves facing this communication breakdown problem when they least expect it. They think they know their partners well but the truth is they do not and ended facing marriage breakups
Even those who are better prepared will still be affected.
The wife criticized the husband over his shortcomings like carelessness, being forgetful of her birthday, children birthday or wedding anniversaries and spending too much time on work to care about the family. It can also be recurring bills which always seemed to drain our monthly income.
The way I see it, it all boils down to lack of communication. Whether they still like each other's companionship or not, they need to sit down and talk about their problems and sort them out before their relationship deteriorates.
This is no similar to dating whereby they simply focused on building relationship freely without worrying about money and making marriage resolutions. When it really comes to marriage, they are entirely on their own even with children.
The truth is when they feel guilty or stressful, they tend to act irrationally.
In order to think straight, you need to have the courage to voice out and solve it with your partner while at the same time, you need to take his or her feelings into consideration. As husbands, this is something they often neglected out of egoism and pride.
This is a good lesson to learn. As married couples, they should compromise with each other regardless of how big or small their flaws are. But of course it is much easier to say than to actually do it.
We all want freedom. We all need space to think straight and focus. As singles, it is very easy to do. But as married men with children, it is not as we need to think of our spouses and children all the time before making any decision.
Ultimately communication is the most vital component in building relationships. Without which, breakdowns are inevitable and will led to marriage breakups.
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Who ever said or put it in stone that it's going to take two of you to save your marriage? Just because your spouse is being slightly bull headed or doesn't want to talk about saving the marriage with you, doesn't mean that you still can't do it. It may take a little more work, but then again it could be easier without them in the beginning to get in your way or knock down any of your ideas.
For starters, not having your spouse involved early on helps. What I mean is, your spouse may have already made clear to you that they don't want to talk about it anymore. At first, this may seem devastating that you can no longer get through to your spouse on things you'd like to do or are willing to do to save the marriage. It's perfectly natural to feel this way. But, the way this may help is that you no longer feel or have the urge to be constantly at their ear about the marriage, nor are you hanging on to that thread of hope most spouses dangle along to get what they want out of all of this chaos.
This also gives you time to cope and deal with some of the emotions you have running through your head without adding any additional stress or arguments over the marriage. You have time now to sort your thoughts and gain some focus on what it is you need to do to gain back your spouses favor.
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You see, some of the worst damage that can be done to a marriage is in this sensitive time when you and your spouse are normally going back and forth with one another over who's fault all of this is. You may have already went these rounds with your spouse, but as of now most of the communication between the both of you may be shut down. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing at the moment. It should aid you in avoiding battles with your spouse that can result in more damage and sort of puts that on hold for a while. Which is for the most part to your advantage, as you're no longer tempted to get your point across, regardless of it's consequences as you might normally be.
What's most important now, is your focus on a plan to save your marriage. More than likely, you know your spouse better than anyone else. You know what pushes their buttons. You know what pleases them. And, most of all you know what types of things they best respond too. Without them in the way or constantly knocking down your ideas or plans to save your marriage, you can move ahead with what you think and have learned to work with your spouse over the years. Without them even knowing it, you can begin taking steps to save your marriage. There are a lot of psychological and reverse psychology maneuvers that you can begin putting into action starting today, you just have to muster up the courage to start doing them.
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Many couples going through a marriage break-up are desperate but simply lack the knowledge of how to save a marriage from divorce and restore the relationship they once had with their spouse. It is a fact that most couples going through a tumultuous marriage would rather work things out than have to concede to divorce. Unfortunately this is not always the case and there are those times when divorce is perhaps the best option if the marriage has deteriorated too far and is truly unsalvageable. Many people may feel like they are at this point in their relationship and think divorce will just be the easiest way out.
Realistically, it isn't that cut and dry. Divorce proceedings generally drag on a long time... and I mean d... r... a... g... It is usually draining both emotionally and physically and many times becomes a financial burden. Throw children into the mix and you have just complicated and compounded the negative variables ten-fold. It would be an understatement to say that most divorces are a devastating event for children and that the results can affect them for years to come. With this in mind it is usually better to save your marriage from divorce if you can find any reason at all to do so.
If you find yourself at this place of facing a divorce but wanting to prevent it, you will be wise to continue reading as I share some important advice on things to do to start the healing in your marriage. Perhaps the most vital piece of advice is this: you must be completely ready and willing to change. If you are pointing your finger in any way at your spouse and waiting or demanding that they change first, stop right now, take a long look at that pointing finger and notice that the other three fingers are pointing back at you! You must take responsibility and initiate the changes, starting with yourself. You need to see this as a positive, win-win scenario. Think about it... either your spouse will be encouraged and challenged to respond and begin making their own changes because they see the positive results of the changes you are making; or regardless of the response of your spouse you are going to feel much better about yourself overall, and be all the more ready to make a success out of your next relationship if your attempts to save your marriage from divorce just don't work.
What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time
First and foremost in the puzzle of how to save a marriage from divorce, you must commit to stop any arguing, bickering and fighting with your spouse. Turn your attention away from these negatives and instead, put your effort into agreeing with your partner. Let your defences down and don't try to defend and justify everything you've said and done. You need to listen carefully to what your spouse is saying and be honest enough, and man enough, to acknowledge the truth in her/his words and simply agree! No it's not a miss-print... you read it correctly... agree. You see when we agree with someone instead of immediately going on the defensive, it can really throw them off. Many times they will retreat from their attack and be more open and conciliatory, ready for constructive and productive conversation.
For instance: if your partner is always grumbling about how much you nag, then there is a good chance that there is at least an element of truth in that accusation. So, when you hear this, instead of reacting to defend yourself, a good response might be, "You know honey, you're right. It probably does seem like I am nagging but truthfully I just feel like you aren't paying attention or listening to me and I get frustrated... I am sorry." With this agreeable response you accomplish two important things. Generally you will find that your spouse mellows out and backs down, realizing that you actually are listening; and also you have taken ownership. These two things are quite powerful and best learned quickly if you want the best advantage to save your marriage from divorce.
How To Save A Marriage From Divorce Requires That You Take Responsibility...
Secondly, on the quest to save your marriage from divorce, take a deep breath, smile, and just lighten up... chill out! This may sound like an impossibility but it will pay huge dividends. When divorce is looming in a marriage, the couple is constantly on pins and needles. Every conversation is intense and seems "loaded", and each spouse is reading between the lines. Many times one or both spouses just quite talking completely because of the emotional toll and mental energy it takes. Try to keep your communication and conversations on a lighter level, positive and encouraging, and do everything within your power to avoid intense and negative interactions. You will be pleasantly surprised just how much weight is lifted from the relationship by implementing this simple, yet very productive, measure.
What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.
Thirdly, how to save a marriage from divorce, requires that you must take responsibility for how your words and actions have negatively contributed to the demise of your relationship. It is human nature to blame someone else for a problem, and this behaviour is seen nowhere quite so vividly than within marriage - when one spouse points at the other for all the problems related to their troubled relationship. Ownership is generally disregarded, but the truth is that very rarely is only one spouse to blame. Both have been instrumental in creating the problems in the marriage.
A good exercise is to make a note of your problems and then in a non-confrontational manner share what you've unearthed with your spouse. Likely, this will include a well-known but little used technique called, "swallowing your pride"! If you are committed to save your marriage from divorce you will not hesitate to do this if need be... or would you rather continue the conflict and derail the marriage completely? When you put yourself out there like this you are showing your spouse that you are 110% dedicated to fixing your marriage, that you are admitting your mistakes and issues and that you are ready to change in any way to restore your relationship.
Likely, the response from your partner will be one of cooperation when she/he recognizes you are serious and sincere, and will probably begin looking at you in a positive way and even open up and start working towards saving the marriage with you. Once you get that door of communication open again you will be surprised how much easier it is to work through and resolve conflict and disputes together. When you reach this point it will just be a natural progression to commit to working hand in hand to bring new life and healing to your marriage.
We have just briefly touched on a few positive things you can put into play right now that can help save your marriage from divorce. But don't take them lightly... if you put your heart and soul into them, they will have a dramatic effect in turning things around and getting your marriage back on track. Again, don't sit back waiting for your spouse to act first, that may never happen. How to save a marriage from divorce requires that you be proactive and remain positive as you initiate the process - most likely you will be surprised and rewarded with very promising results!
Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.
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