Married Pregnant and Feeling Alone: Pregnant Feeling Depressed and Alone

Couples visit my counselling practice usually when an issue seems no longer solvable on their own or when other crisis situations occur. Even though things might get rough at times there is still hope for a continuous and committed relationship, if both partners have really decided to give it a go.

Staying committed does not necessarily have to change just because a couple is facing though times. In fact those times specifically show how committed you really are in your relationship and how strong and healthy the connection is.

Here are five ways to stay committed when the going gets rough:

1. Communicate understanding

Long term couples are so used to hearing each other's issues and stories that the 'problem-solving' need might kick in before we even take time to truly listen. Remember that the goal of your communication with your partner is not necessarily to seek agreement or find a solution, but to communicate understanding. Practice listening to your partner and feed back what you have heard without adding your opinion or advice.

2. Expect differences - accept other-ness

If you expect that you will never be upset at your partner or that there will never be a negative feeling between you, then you are denying human reality and should probably stay single. Finding differences is the natural progression any relationship goes through.

Once you accept that there are things you might never agree on as a couple you give up the fight to convince your partner to see it your way.

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3. Look after yourself - give each other some space

Many couples that I have met, come to expect that their partner is responsible for their happiness. Even though you might now say: 'Of course that is not the case for me!' you need to start acting on it. This means that you start looking after yourself, create your own hobbies and structure your time the way you want it to be. If you do not yet know what it is you want to do, start thinking about it now!

4. Learn to communicate

Even though we have never had any formal training we expect to be perfect at communicating even in the most emotionally loaded relationship; with our intimate partner! If you truly want to grow, than you might need to open your eyes to your own strategies and patterns and start to upgrade them. Enroll in a communication course or a couples' workshop.

5. Commit to specific couple time

Some couples get busy with lives and forget that they need to organise and devote time to any relationship they want to flourish, just like any project at work to which they give their full attention. This might mean organising a baby-sitter so you can go out on a regular date-night every week or set aside 30 minutes of uninterrupted talk-time as a couple.

Your relationship will stay committed if you are committed to it. Commitment is a noun that can only be seen or felt in actions and words - start Now!

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When your marriage is in trouble, it is easy to make rash decisions and do impulsive things to try to save your marriage. Acting without thinking, particularly at this very tense time in your relationship, will only ruin your chances to save your marriage. This situation is serious, your actions need to be well thought out and you must not give in to emotion.

When it seems as though the marriage is in shambles, it easy to begin to make promise after promise - you simply want to say whatever you think you need to say to save your marriage. But your spouse knows you and will know that you are promising something you cannot follow through on. If you are going to make promises, make sure that you can follow through with your promise. Being true to your word is the right step to begin.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Remember, this is a relationship, not a competition. It is also not a blame game. Do not blame your spouse for all the problems in the relationship. It took two to make the marriage good, and it also took two to make it go sour. Neither party is perfect and both need to take their share of the blame where it is due. Cooperating is the best strategy. Playing the blame game will only push your spouse further away and ruin your chances to save your marriage.

Don't agree with or promise your spouse something for sake of keeping the peace. This will only backfire in the end. Only make promises that you can keep. This is important as you need to rebuild each others trust.

You also can't go straight from a troubled marriage back to wedded bliss. You both need to acknowledge that it will take time for things to get back on track and not expect too much, too quick. Expecting to do so is only going to ruin your chances. You have to be realistic in your expectations.

If you are patient and willing to make an effort, you can save your marriage. Just make sure you do not fall prey to one of the relationship killers discussed and you are on the right track to happier times.

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Recently I wrote an article Marriage- a boon or bane. I realised through the comments I received, that I needed to touch upon more, on issues for those who are already married and are seeking to make it wonderful, or are either struggling or compromising in their marriage. This piece is for those who are peaceful about their decision to stay in their current marriage and are looking for ways and means to lead a happy married life. So, here it goes. But before this, let me give a brief for those who haven't read my previous article - Marriage a boon or a bane. There I mainly covered the insight for those who plan to get married, how they can go about doing it. I had also mentioned for those who are already married, there is still hope, because trust me, only in God's world there is hope, and there is an abundance of hope!

God Is For You

Galatians 6:9 in the Bible says - And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint. I know there are many people going through tough marriages and marriage is something that you live daily, you cannot escape it, you cannot gulp it down, you've to go through it daily. When a boy and a girl become man and wife or so to say get married, they come together to build life. The coming part is easy but it is the becoming part which is difficult. When we hold hands to become one, at that moment if we put God in that alliance and be determined to stick to Him in all our dealings I assure you, God will take the burden of your marriage and all your dealings. And why even take my assurance, why not God's, because in the Bhagvad Gita 9:22 God says - The devotees however, who loving no one else consistently think of Me, and worship Me in a selfless manner, to those ever united in thought with Me, I bring full security and personally attend to their needs. Imagine what bigger and exciting thing could be than the assurance of God that He personally attends to your needs! Can there be a greater assurance from anyone else in this world than God Himself? So even though you've been married for many years and never asked God's intervention, do it now. Every day is a new day and every day God's mercy and grace is new upon us.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Keep God First

Let me share with you some practical ways you can work things out in your marriage or any other relationship or situation. First and foremost to do is to keep God first in your life, which means rather than running to a friend, mentor, especially parents, when you've a situation, ask God for His intervention, keep asking Him till you don't get an answer. Sometimes what you receive as an answer from Him is not what you've been expecting and in turn you start contemplating it with your mind. Rather than running to the phone, run to the Throne, the King will always give you the best advice. God is the One who created you in your mother's womb. Who would know you and your problems better than Him? Many people who run to the phone calling their best friends, moms or dads or sisters for advice don't realise that by sharing their problems, they are only multiplying their issues. And in reality, many times some of us actually want to off-load our burden on someone else and feel light, instead of looking for a solution. But if you are sincerely looking for a solution, go to God. All those people who we ask advice from, are no better in dealing with their own situation, then how can they advice you? While God is an Expert Mentor and trust me when I say this- God gives you that solution which your mind or anyone else cannot fathom. So go to the Expert! The Bible in Psalm 139 speaks all about how God knows you... and Psalm 139:16 says-Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days (of my life) were written before ever thy took shape, when as yet there was none of them. God already knows when we are going to make mistakes and when we will make Him proud, we are no surprise to God. So whenever in need for advice, go to Him.

Prayer Is A Weapon Against Which Nothing Can Prosper

Secondly, daily pray to God for yourself, your spouse and your family. Asking God to bless your marriage and bless you with His wisdom to deal with situations. I was nearly a hopeless case when I got married to Vinay because I had a lot of anger and resentment in me which was bursting out of my seams. Vinay had prayed to God to send him His choice as his life partner, but I was so messed up! He would pray and remind God at all times, that 'I depended on You, and I might not understand anything that is happening, but I trust You.'

Be The Change

Third, never ask God to change the people in your life, but ask God to change you instead. You must remember, God is not as much interested in changing your situation as much as He is interested in changing you. A simple key to happiness in life that God taught me, once your perspective to see the situation changes, the situation automatically changes. The difficult part is to change our perspective. Let me assure you, you cannot change it on your own no matter how much you may try. Only God can, so don't try to become God junior or even fight God. God is not nearly impressed when we hold a grudge against someone as much as He responds to when you ask where you need to mend your ways. Remember, God will make a way where there seems no way.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Develop an Attitude of Gratitude

Be thankful, yes this is the fourth help key. Most of the time we are so focused on what is not right in our life and we complain more than we ever thank God. But for a change, even when everything is messed up, if we just praise and thank God for what is there in our life, it will cause God to move on our behalf. Vinay has seen me not only changing drastically but the changes that needed to come in him, that also God brought forth. God wants to perfect the picture of your life, so be thankful and give thanks.

Let Peace be Your Umpire

The fifth key is to send peace- this is another most important key to a successful marriage. But most importantly send peace to your own self first. Do it daily. Just say - 'peace be unto me' and you'll see the huge change that it will bring into you and your marriage. When you will be at peace, many things will not bother you that normally would. Send peace to your spouse and all those people who offend you. Let this be your daily ritual. When at peace, God's soft subtle voice will become audible to you. Last year when I was trying my best to forgive my parents for good, God Himself taught me this technique and since then I've used it daily, it is extremely effective.

Praise, don't criticize

Sixth key to a successful marriage is - even when you don't like anything about your spouse, choose something what attracted you to get married to him or her and try to praise your spouse. Don't criticise. I've seen in my own family people criticising their spouses behind their backs and then expecting to have a good relationship with them. That is the worst thing you can do to your marriage. This Universe resounds. It is like a boomerang, and whatever you send out is what will come back to you. In every scripture God says what you sow is what you reap, you cannot sow an orange seed expecting a harvest of apples! Remember praise always lifts. But this also does not mean that you don't let your spouse know where they need to change. This means that it has to be done with prayers. First pray to God and tell Him to put the right words in your mouth, and make your spouse receive what you want to say. When you are at peace, speak to your spouse. So practically in everything, take God's help. Whenever I had to convey something to Vinay and make him understand or vice versa, we would first pray to God and so many times it happened that after praying we had a good laugh because we didn't have to convince each other of it and the other person got it down in his/her heart. Remember when God makes you understand something; you never forget that lesson for life, because you are so convinced in your heart. In the Bible Jeremiah 1:5, God says- Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument]... So, don't keep a distance from God, go to God.

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Indifference Breeds Contempt

One more point I would like to add, don't be indifferent to your spouse, no matter how much pain you've been in, or are in. I wrote in one of my previous articles and would like to reiterate again that the challenges life brings forth in front of us are not for us to be bogged down, feeling miserable and pitiable, but for us to grow and be the kind of person God created us to be.

Conclusion

Sri Ramakrishna Parmahansa said - Give the power of attorney of your life to Him. Whom do you give your power of attorney to? To someone you trust. Trust God; He is there for your good, He already has a perfect life and a perfect marriage ordained for you. But you've to receive it; you have to ask Him like a small child. Even though in the worldly ways it is said marriage is about two people and both need to equally give in their share to make it work, but in the Spiritual realm I would say, if you've the wisdom about making things work better, why not use that wisdom rather than waiting for the other person to move first. Be blessed!

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