There are many reasons why people struggle to make friends. Here are a few:

  • Insecurity
  • Selfishness
  • Pride
  • An Introvert Personality
  • Fear of People
  • Overwhelming and dominate personality
  • Depression

But whatever the problem is, it needs to be addressed and conquered. You will never have fulfillment in life that you want unless you can achieve strong relationships.

Experiencing things with others is often more enjoyable than experiencing them alone. It is your relationships that add depth to your experiences, gives meaning to your actions, and provides hope for tomorrow.

Friendship is not a separate relationship of its own. But rather, it is the highest evolution of any particular relationship. When neighbors become friends, when employees become friends, when mates become friends, when children become friends, then you will have entered a whole new depth to your relationships.

But how do you make friends?


This seems like a no-brainer, but, in fact, many people miss this essential point. Don't wait for someone to befriend you...go and befriend them. Who wants to hang around someone who is unfriendly? No one.

Being friendly means that you take an interest in someone else. Those of you who are waiting for the masses to discover your worthiness are going to be continually disappointed. Take an interest in other people...their needs, their desires, their wants, their hopes and dreams. You'll find that they return the favor.

Two very rich men lived in a small community. One kept to himself and was a penny pincher. He was never charitable, and never considerate of others. It was his money, he had made it, and no one was taking it from him. The other gave, was very generous, and considerate. No one coming to his house was turned away.

Then a hurricane ripped through the town and succeeded in destroying both of the rich men's houses. They were completely ruined. Guess which one the townsfolk turned out to help? The friendly one, of course.

It is always difficult to make friends when you are focused on yourself. People are naturally repulsed by a selfish and self-centered person.

There is another group of people that needs to heed this advice: those of you who are recluses, or an introvert, or the quiet type. These in of themselves are not bad, but they will hinder your ability to make friends. When you don't get involved with other people's lives they will assume that you want to be left alone, and so they will leave you alone believing that is what you want. You, in turn, get upset because you think that people don't like you. Well, sweetheart (or big fellow), you are your own worst enemy. Get out there and be friendly!

Many people who are in this category find themselves in a quandary. They want friends, but they are too afraid to introduce themselves, to get involved, and then to make matters worse, others think that they want to be alone, and so leave them alone. It's a no win situation.

Be friendly. Here are some tips:

  • Try to meet someone else's needs. Do it in a fun and amusing way.
  • Don't demand, expect, or hint at repayment for a kind deed.
  • Be open. Don't be afraid to be hurt. I'd rather love and be hurt than to never love at all.
  • Don't dominate a situation that you aren't expected to be the leader. Just sit back and interact. You don't have to control the conversation or the activity, or have things done a certain way (even if yours is the better one). Just be a participant.
  • Laugh. Laugh at yourself. Poke fun at yourself. People feel at ease around others who don't take themselves too seriously.
  • Talk about ideas.

Weak Minds Talk About People
Average Minds Talk About Things
Strong Minds Talk About Ideas

- Dr. Jack Hyles


Strive together. Often the strongest bonds are formed by working together. If you think back to a ball team that you once played on, you'll recall the strong bonds that were formed when you won and lost as a team.

One of the closest friends I ever had was the result of a project that we both worked on for over 3 years. It was a book. We co-authored it (it never got published), but for years, we lived and breathed that book, wrote over 160,000 words, fought over it, brainstormed together, and so forth. We formed a bond that was very strong.

Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty. Volunteer to help someone build an addition to their house, join with them in a hobby, team together to make, build, or produce something. Get involved with common goals.

In counseling, I often find that many married couples struggle because they have no common goals that they are striving together on-nothing to dream about, nothing to hope about together, nothing to strive for together.

Don't be a spectator to life. Jump on in.


Friendship is the willingness to make sacrifices.

People who make sacrifices for others are never friendless!

Sometimes you must sacrifice in order to gain friends. Again, thinking of yourself is the best way to go friendless in life. Here are a list of things you may need to sacrifice in order to make friends:

1. Your fears
2. Your time
3. Your money
4. Your attention
5. Your love
6. Your work

Making friends can be a simple process if you're willing to put others ahead of yourself. In turn, this will be reciprocated back to you. You could say it is a natural law, that if you do these three things you'll make friends.

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care!

Author's Bio: 

Greg S. Baker is a Pastor, Counselor, and Author specializing in building and strengthening relationships.

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