You’ve done so much work on yourself, and you love yourself more than ever. You began with the baby steps, like “I deserve a treat today!” Then you progressed through “I deserve better than that!” and “I really am OK just like I am!” You continued to graduate yourself through level after level of self-empowerment and found yourself saying, “I deserve to have everything I want, not just some of it.”

So, why do you still sometimes judge your appearance, your ability to have loving relationships or the quality of your work? These are core issues, and they sometimes rear their heads again when you think you’ve already dealt with them. Is someone else’s yukky energy trying to invade the spaces in your psyche that you’ve washed squeaky clean?


Here’s a quick and easy way to know if an issue is yours. If a situation produces an emotional reaction, you still resonate with that issue. There’s another gold nugget for you to devour, even if only a teeny tiny percentage of your anger, fear or sadness about a particular challenge remains. If the issue is no longer yours, you may feel tremendous compassion for the other person, but you’ll know the conflict is no longer yours. However, if an uncomfortable situation continues to show up, your painful feeling is offering you a splendid opportunity to gain even more self-love.

Maybe you already love yourself 99 percent of the time, but the other person is acting like a human mirror. They are providing you an opportunity to see and honor an unpleasant shadow side of yourself -- like feeling afraid, unworthy, or unlovable. Is it worth it to dip back into “the sewer of self-loathing” when you already love yourself most of the time? You betcha!


The following simple little test helps me when my ego gets in the way of “owning my stuff.” First, I ask myself, “Is this person who is irritating me a human mirror? Are they showing me something about myself I either don’t want to see or can’t see unless I’m in their presence? Are they helping me become aware of my feelings so I can experience and then release them?”

Sometimes the other person shows us a mirror of our most recent learning experience. They help us synthesize what we’ve learned. Sometimes they show us how we cause ourselves headaches by expecting life to match a certain picture instead of accepting and learning from what exists.

Many times, I’ve caught my ego saying, “Wait a minute! You don’t need to deal with that old stuff again.” Of course, we can temporarily suppress unpleasant feelings, like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not lovable.” Unfortunately, this approach to unpleasant feelings backfires! It guarantees that I’ll re-create additional opportunities to deal with those issues. The uncomfortable situation and my negative feelings magnify until I finally allow myself to learn a valuable lesson and gain even higher levels of confidence and inner peace.


If you don’t want to delay or magnify your pain, fully USE the opportunity of discomfort the first time around. Remember that pain and pleasure reside next to each other in your brain. When you have the courage to dip into what doesn’t feel good – such as, “I feel unlovable,” the opposite feeling, “I’m awesome!,” is right there for you!

There’s no reason to feel ashamed when you discover another area in which you don’t quite love yourself as much as you thought you did. This unpleasant revelation is a gift in disguise! When you move to the other side of your challenge, you’ll be so thankful that you didn’t cheat yourself out of the incredible benefits of another luscious level of the most magnificent self-love!


Asking for help when you feel stuck is a sign of high self-esteem because you're saying to yourself, "I deserve a better life!" Would you like to work with an intuitive coach who will help you overcome the blocks to your happiness and success? Sign up for a complimentary consultation today at www.CoachingWithDoris.com/contact/.

Are you ready for a new life story? Download your free books and podcasts, including "Secrets of Happiness," "Get the Respect & Appreciation You Deserve Now" and "Conquer Your Inner Critic" at www.FreeJoyEbooks.com

Doris Helge, Ph.D., "The Joy Coach" is author of bestsellers like "Joy on the Job," "Conquer Your Inner Critic" and "Transforming Pain Into Power." Discover more at www.CoachingByDoris.com/innercriticfreebies.

© 2011. Permission to reprint this article is granted if the article is in tact, with proper credit given. All reprints must state, "Reprinted with permission by Doris Helge, Ph.D. Originally published in "Transforming Pain Into Power" www.TransformingPainIntoPower.com © 2011.

Author's Bio: 

Happiness at work is one of the greatest contributors to wealth, health, and positive relationships. Since you owe it to yourself to claim your fair share of joy on the job, reach out for help. Sign up for your complimentary career consultation today with "The Joy on the Job Coach" at www.CoachingWithDoris.com/contact/.

Visit www.FreeJoyOnTheJobEbooks.com and claim your free ebooks & podcasts, including, "Secrets of Happiness at Work" and "Get the Respect & Appreciation You Deserve Now." Doris Helge, Ph.D., is author of the bestsellers, "Joy on the Job," "Transforming Pain Into Power" and "Conquer Your Inner Critic." Discover more at www.CoachingByDoris.com/career-transition-resources.

© 2011. Permission to reprint this article is granted if the article is in tact, with proper credit given. All reprints must state, "Reprinted with permission by Doris Helge, Ph.D. Originally published in "Joy on the Job" www.JoyOnTheJobBook.com © 2011.