Let Questions Find You

Building or Surviving

This is an excerpt from upcoming book “Anatomy of Upset” by Behnam Bakhshandeh

It is very common for us to make decisions when we are upset. When you are honest with yourself you can see how many times you had made some decisions in face of upset, anger, resentment or regrets that did not turned out to be in your favor later in your life.

How could we manage and control this ineffective decision making process so actually we become effective in what we are trying to do, such as making decisions about sensitive life issues about ourselves and or our relationship to others!?

I do not have any answers for you, neither for myself... because any answer I might have will be my answer to my situation or what I am dealing with. Same as you; if you have an answer it will be relevant to your situation or what you are dealing with... which is the best way to come up with answers; figuring it out by ourselves for ourselves, based on our values, commitments, principles, interest or what we believe or stand for in our lives and in the world around us. As Lewis Carroll said in Alice in Wonderland;

“Do we decide questions at all? We decide answers no doubt, but surely the questions decide us.”

So, I am asking you to ask yourself the following questions in many different aspects of our lives, and come up with answers that are generated from you and you can be responsible to act on it and doing what you know is the best for you and yours. Each of these ten questions have four sub-questions to guide you to a more detailed inquiry, thus thinking about the depth of the question and to assist you and to coach you to formulate more effective and productive answers.

Moving Forward

Am I building and creating something new or am I sticking to what has been built by me or by others?
• Am I creative and inventing new approaches?
• Am I expressed completely and authentically?
• Am I expanding my thinking outside of my own needs?
• Am I merely surviving and indulging in my old world?


Am I expanding my horizon or am I just surviving and repeating my life cycle?

• Am I learning from my past?
• Am I learning from life and the world around me?
• Am I increasing my information about others outside of my own comfort zones?
• Am I expanding my mind to other ideas and possibilities?


Is this decision based on my values or is it based on my self-protection?
• Am I protecting myself or someone else?
• Am I feeling threatened by others or a situation?
• Do I believe in myself and my capabilities?
• Do I believe in others and what they say?

Having “Life Vision”

Am I fulfilling my “Life Vision” or doing what I have done before in the past?
• What am I building, anything new or same old thing?
• Am I going for the big picture, or playing safe?
• Am I fixing something or someone?
• Am I happy with what I am doing?


Are my actions today assisting me building a sustained life or just pleasing me in a moment?
• Am I putting fires out and just making it?
• Am I just getting by and surviving?
• Am I present to what is possible and what I can generate?
• Am I disciplined or just lazy?


Do I dig to find what’s working with others or am I trying to find what’s not working with others and life itself?
• Am I empowering others or just judging them?
• Am I empowering myself or just blaming myself?
• Do I acknowledge others for their effort to be with me?
• Do I take a stand for others and their greatness?

Being Whole

Am I completing my life or am I just getting by?
• Is my integrity impeccable or there are issues to clean up?
• Do I follow my principles or just following crowds?
• Am I doing what is right for me or I am trying to please others?
• Am I building my future or just repainting my past?


Do I let love get in, or am I keeping love away from my heart?
• Do I love myself enough?
• Am I open to love get to my heart?
• Am I selective about what kind of love will get in to my heart?
• Am I afraid to be in love and let go of my attachments?


Am I giving chance to intimacy and closeness or do I protect myself?
• Am I protecting myself by not being close to others?
• Do I trust people to open up to them?
• Do I let my heart shiver with pure intimacy and trust?
• Do I bring back unpleasant experiences to current situations?

Being Positive

Is this though process uplifting and positive or is it condescending and damaging to me and my relationship to others?
• What is my agenda here, am I real?
• Am I being straight and honest to others and myself?
• Am I making myself or others wrong a lot?
• Am I protecting myself from getting hurt?


Is what I am doing now an act of self-respect or is it an act of self-hate?
• Am I being good to myself?
• Am I being true to my values and principles?
• Am I making the same mistakes repeatedly?
• Am I discussing this with others or keeping it in?


Am I practicing my self-expression and self-respect or am I trying to fit in?
• Am I being good to myself?
• Am I doing this to appease others?
• Is this making me happy… do I feel whole and complete?
• Is my heart and soul in it?


Am I being generous or am I being stingy?
• Am I giving or taking?
• Am I sharing myself with others?
• Am I happy with “who I am”, and am I being fulfilled?
• Do I have peace of mind, and am I content?


Do I look for greatness within others and myself or do I just justify my fear?
• Am I giving or am I taking?
• Do I use language of empowerment or do I criticize?
• Am I promoting others qualities or am I emphasizing on their shortcomings?
• Am I being great to myself and to others or am I being harsh and cranky?


Do I lead or do I always follow?
• Am I involve or am I just on the sideline?
• Am I expressing what needs to be said or am I holding back?
• Am I promoting what is right or just watching wrongdoing?
• Do I provide leadership or do I just go by the flow?


Am I experiencing gratitude or am I egoistic?
• Am I grateful for what I have or I am complaining about what I do not have?
• Am I experiencing being humbled by others or it is all about me?
• Am I open for others to show up in my space as great as they are or am I being judgmental?
• Am a clearing for others to be magnificent or am I looking to be better than them?

I hope these questions make you think deeply and can be answered honestly, authentically and effectively to who you are, what you do, how you are doing it and how you are relating to yourself, to others and to the world around you.

Whatever you come up with is all and completely yours. It is not something someone else can oppose upon you… be responsible for what you have created and become accountable for maintaining it the way you desire.

The most important thing is to continue learning, to thrive on challenges, and to fight ignorance. And you know what? In the end, there are no final answers. It is all what you have invented and created by yourself directly from your heart and soul.

Author's Bio: 

Behnam Bakhshandeh is a dynamic author, speaker and executive coach and trainer.
He has two decides of hands-on experience training and coaching individuals, businesses & organizations.

Learn more about Behnam, his work and his client’s experiences on his website at www.PrimecoEducation.com or contact his office at 570-267-2604.