If someone was to take a step back and reflect on their life, what might soon stand out is that their life is not very fulfilling. So, just about every area of it might not be going how they would like it to go.

Now, this might be something that has been at the back of their mind for quite some time but they might not have really thought about it. However, although their life won’t be going how they would like it to go, they might not believe that they can do anything about it.

A Waste of time

Over the years, they might have done a number of things to try to change what is going on, with them not making much headway. They could also see that there have been moments in their life when they haven’t tried to change what was going on.

Right now, they could feel pretty hopeless and helpless, with them not being able to see a way out of the hole that they are in. If there was a phrase that sums up where they are currently at, it could be ‘What’s the point’.

No Way Through

Assuming that they have done things to try to change their life over the years and they haven’t been able to make much progress, it is to be expected that they wouldn’t be in a good place. It will be as though they have fought many battles and have lost most of them.

They will be on their knees mentally and emotionally and they will have lost most of their fight and desire to change their circumstances. Moreover, they could be sick and tired of getting their hopes up, only to suffer another setback.

One Outcome

As a result of this, even if an opportunity was to arise that would allow them to change one area of their life, for example, they might not take the next step. What has happened to them in the past will then hold them back

They could believe that the same thing will take place once again and they will be let down all over again. At this point, it is clear that they will need to reach out for support.

External Feedback

If they were to do this, they could soon be told that thanks to the experiences that they have had, they have learned to be helpless. Due to this, they are unable to realise that they are not helpless and can change their life.

By changing their thoughts and what they believe and taking action, then, it will be possible for them to change their life. What this will do is allow them to get out of the passive state they are in, connect to their power and feel better about themselves.

One outcome

By taking these steps, they may find that their life gradually changes. Then again, this approach might only work for a short while, or it might not work at all.

If so, they could end up feeling even worse than they did before and question if their life will ever change. But, even though this can be seen as a sign that they are powerless, it could show that they need to try another approach.

Another Angle

The reason that changing what is going on in their mind and their behaviour is not very effective could be because of what is taking place for them in their unconscious mind. At this level, they could be carrying a lot of pain.

This pain won’t be the result of what they believe or the thoughts that they have. What this illustrates is that not only do their thoughts and beliefs have an effect on how they feel but their feelings also have an effect on what they think and believe.

What’s going on?

What they have experienced as an adult will have played a part in how they feel and there will be the impact that what they experienced as a child will have played. Their early years may have been a time when they were deprived of the love that they needed to grow and develop it the right way.

If so, they may have had at least one parent who was emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for them. Consequently, they might have often been left, physically harmed and verbally put down.

How it was

During this time, then, they would have felt helpless as they were helpless. They were powerless and totally dependent, so there was absolutely nothing that they could do about what was going on.

Their only option was to adapt to what was going on by emotionally shutting down, losing touch with themselves and doing what they could to please their parent or parents. Being in a passive state and not trying to resist what was going on would have stopped them from suffering even more.

Another Part

Therefore, how they feel as an adult will be a continuation of how they felt as a child and perhaps before. Along with this, a big part of them will be trying to receive the love that they missed out on all those years ago.

This part of them will cause them to unconsciously recreate situations that are very similar to their early years, a time when they were helpless, in order to finally be loved. But, as they will create situations that are very similar, not to mention that this stage of their life is over, they will endlessly feel helpless.

Drawing the line

With this in mind, changing what is going on for them at a mental level will be one part, another part will be for them to face and work through the pain that they had to repress. This will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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